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Posted: 2017-10-12 16:17

Andrew My question was with regards number 9 of the myths
8766 One way of counterbalancing the petition is not to defend it, but to file a statement explaining why you believe the marriage broke down before the adultery occurred. Prince Charles took this course of action, very publicly, during his divorce from Princess Diana 8767
Not to defend just to counterbalance This does matter as children are involved and I (we) have been forced out of what we thought was our home and been denied necessities such as a fridge, so when the assets are divided a balance needs to be reached not favoring one party.

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Dear Jayne
You can divorce on the basis of two years separation by consent from April 7569. You need to get him to agree to this procedure and he will have to file his consent when he receives the divorce petition. Alternatively you could apply based on his unreasonable behaviour towards you during the marriage where his consent is not necessary.
You need to agree how the divorce fees of £965 will be shared between you.
It might be quicker and easier to do this through a solicitor rather than struggle yourself and your solicitor could seek all the costs from your ex or you could agree to share them. If you do want to do it yourself, the http:///divorce site will help you further.

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I wonder if you can help, myself and ex split over a year ago, he had an affair with an ex friend, then met someone else and moved in with them quickly.
we havent divorced yet but hope to soon, can I still put adultry down as its over a year and I don 8767 t really see why I should pay costs, its very bitter we have a child together and he has stopped paying maintence as states he isn 8767 t working, really seems unfair. thanks

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Myth 7 above says :That it isn’t adultery if you have already separated from your spouse. If your spouse has sexual intercourse with another while married to you, it is adultery. But in order to petition for divorce, you have to establish not only that adultery has taken place, but also that you find it intolerable to live with your spouse. If you have already separated the first part is correct, but the second is not.

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With regard to myth 7, the silly thing is that the Court of Appeal long ago held that the petitioner does not need to allege that they find it intolerable to live with the respondent as a result of the adultery! Accordingly, the 8766 intolerable 8767 requirement becomes a bit academic, usually having already been satisfied by events leading up to the separation. Even if this were not the case, my view is that the petitioner could say that because of the adultery they now find it intolerable to return to live with the respondent.


My husband moved out around May time to give us some 8766 time apart 8767 but we agreed to not see other people. We then entered couples therapy over the past few months. weeks ago, in therapy no less, I found out that there was another woman who he admitted having sex with. My questions are these 6. Can I still file for divorce based on infidelity because there is no way I would let him move back into the house OR does the second part of that requirement considering that he moved out no longer let me do this? 7. Do I need to prove his adultery or is me writing in my statement that he admitted to it enough?

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The only reason I 8767 ve stuck to the adultery petition is because I don 8767 t see why I should be responsible for the costs of changing the paperwork, and the fact that he is ramping up the costs with his obstructive behaviour. However if I can still seek an order for costs on other grounds then that 8767 s what I shall do. It 8767 s not the adultery that 8767 s important to me, it 8767 s the finances.

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I will have been separated from my husband for 5 years this August. I 8767 m looking forward to sorting divorce proceedings at that time. I 8767 ve tried to sort a divorce in the past but the ex changed his mind on the formerly agreed grounds for divorce and everything ground to a halt (and me being too scared of him to write down the evidence of the unreasonable behaviours to help pursue the divorce further).
I 8767 m pleased to say I 8767 ve moved on and I 8767 m in the process of buying a house with my new partner. Which brings me to my concern: I 8767 m worried that if I buy a house now the ex may be able to make claim to it once divorce proceedings start. Any advice would be gratefully received.
Best wishes,

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My husband requested we separate having been on a trial break for just 7 weeks, as he met somebody else. He didn 8767 t think it was cheating if we were not living together but it is!
He asked me for a divorce but i feel that things were not sufficiently attempted to be resolved, and so i said no as he has no grounds to divorce me on.
Then i had a casual fling which he has since found out about and which i admitted to him. And i am just waiting for the papers to come through on the grounds of adultery.
Does it matter who divorces who? Neither of us have any assets that have not already been split, and so who should divorce who? I still don 8767 t want to do it yet as i am not ready but if he gets the ball rolling will he have to pay the legal fees?

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It is very difficult to advise you as to whether your husband should be paying you maintenance without knowing all the facts of your case. If the children you have with your husband are under the age of 68 it is likely that your husband should be paying you child maintenance for the benefit of the children if you have the care of them full time. It may be a good idea to contact the Child Support Service agency who could assist you in this respect.

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My wife terminated the tenancy agreement on our house and moved out taking almost everything with her and moved her new partner in. I was made homeless for ten months, forced to live in my car for four months, before I was re-homed. I now live on pension credit and housing benefit. My wife agreed to accept a divorce on the grounds of her adultery but, eight months on, she has not returned the confession statement.
My solicitor tells me that if she refuses to admit adultery then we are unable to proceed without 8775 proof 8776 . She says that the court will not accept the fact that they are living together as a couple, sleeping in the same bed and discussing their sex life on Facebook as evidence and has said I will need to divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

Dear Dazzle
If your husband is petitioning in England and Wales then he has to satisfy the court in the face of your denial that there has been adultery. If you deny the allegation, then the case is defended and may go to court for a judge to decide.
But this seems to me to be a waste of time and money for both of you. If your marriage has irretrievably broken down then you need to consider how to sensibly end this marriage. He could amend his petition to unreasonable behaviour and if you agree the allegations and there is no claim for costs against you, let him divorce you.
You could cross petition for divorce against him perhaps doing so on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour and if he amends his petition, you could even both divorce the other.
Why not go and see a solicitor for advice and at the same time find out what the financial position is too, and that of the children if you have any. Finances and children are very important and you must make sure you are protected.

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Hi Marilyn, My wife and I decided to go our separate a few months back, as part of this we both had other interested parties. While mine progressed my spouse has denied that hers has although she is still heavily involved with them. We have sorted out the finances and have put in place to equally share our two children. However she wishes to legally draw up a financial separation rather than divorce. I feel a little uneasy about this, I would like to make sure my future was financially secure for my new partner and her children. would my spouse be able to come back for a second time should her / my financial circumstances change, ie inheritance, pension etc.
Should a divorce be the only water tight option, and my spouse would not file for divorce, could I file for it myself? even though i potentially would be the guilty party. Thanks for any help.

Dear Julie
Contact the Law Society of England and Wales for details of accredited family lawyers in your area. Accreditation demonstrates the family lawyer must have attained a good standard the test being 8775 would I recommend this lawyer to a friend or family member 8776 and if also second tier that is specialist level. I used to head this all up interview candidates and and set the exam for specialist levels in some subjects.

The first step in divorce proceedings is for a party to petition for divorce. There is only one basis upon which you can petition for divorce and that is that the marriage has irretrievable breakdown. You must then prove that it has irretrievable breakdown by establishing one of five grounds, Marilyn discusses these grounds in the following blog post: http:///7568/58/56/grounds-for-divorce/.

I 8767 m at a loss as to where to go next. I 8767 ve sent this evidence to my solicitor but I just want to get this divorce done so I can move on with my life. I 8767 m worried about costs as I am on a debt management plan (as is he) and really can 8767 t afford to spend thousands just to end my marriage. I think this is what he 8767 s banking on. I don 8767 t know why he wants to stay married, though I suspect it 8767 s for financial reasons as he has a big armed forces pension pot and my pension is rubbish. I have a very patchy work history on account of moving around with him for all of the time we were together.

65. That if you petition for divorce on the basis of adultery, you are entitled to a larger settlement. You aren’t. Adultery alone is not regarded by the court as conduct which would be inequitable to disregard. Conduct that is “gross and obvious” would affect a divorce settlement. For example, I once had a case where the wife repeatedly stabbed the husband and left him with serious incapacity for life. That fell into the gross and obvious category, and her settlement was reduced.

Dear Rebecca
I dont think it usually matters who divorces who as long as the costs of the divorce are sorted out. So you could agree that providing he wont claim any divorce costs against you and agrees not to use the adultery against you in the financial settlement or in relation to the child that you will admit the adultery and return the Acknowledgement of Service completed accordingly.
But if he wont agree then you can cross petition on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour or you could admit the adultery and write to the court explaining the circumstances when you return the Acknowledgement of Service and asking the court not to make an order for costs against you.
If he doesnt have a solicitor its unlikely he has any costs except the court fees which he can pay or you can agree to contribute towards.
If I were you Id take legal advice from a solicitor near you about your options.

I have been recently divorced. I had a cyber affair for a few weeks and my ex-husband hacked my phone and laptop to find proof. He didn 8767 t use it in court, if I agreed to take a lesser settlement, which I did. We unfortunately, due to financial reasons, continue to live on the same property. He doesn 8767 t want me to talk on the phone to new male friends or ever bring them home. Which I understand, seeing we have to kids. I am the primary caretaker and will always keep their best interests at heart. However, he wants me to leave the house now and will only allow the kids to go with me should he approve of the house I rent. I can 8767 t afford a house, only maybe a flat. It 8767 s not fair for the kids to be removed from their home just because we can 8767 t get along and because he can 8767 t deal with us being divorced now. Do I have any grounds to fight to stay on in the house with my children?

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