Posted: 2017-11-25 07:05
Yeah To me that s kind of along the same lines of the adage that you shouldn t sleep with someone if you re not comfortable enough with them to discuss protection and STDs. If you are too scared of what your partner might think to admit that you re a virgin if they ask you directly, then you probably shouldn t be sleeping with them, because either you re uncomfortable because they ve already shown signs they don t respect you (which means they re unlikely to be a kind and understanding sexual partner to you), or you re uncomfortable because you re really insecure about having sex with them (which means it ll be hard for you to relax and take their feedback so you can be a kind and understanding sexual partner to them). There s nothing wrong with not bringing it up, but outright lying to someone s itch whom you re about to do something that requires a lot of (at least physical) trust is always questionable.
Well for the most part, you don 8767 t. Explanations tend to sound like excuses or justifications, which circles right back to the idea that there 8767 s something wrong with being a virgin. This isn 8767 t a shameful secret, and you 8767 re not unveiling some horrible problem and you shouldn 8767 t present it that way. You 8767 re just less experienced than some. It may even be a bonus to the right sort of person.
Do you really think a google search is going to really tell you anything? I m talking about real life experience. The girls I m talking about were not my girlfriends these were girls I met my first year in college who were my friends (since none of them would give me the time of day romatically). We were nerdy virgin guys in college trying to figure out what we were doing wrong. Of course we talked about it with girls we knew. This wasn t overhearing conversations this was direct and open talks with girls. I also only had _one_ girlfriend during college who I had to lie to about my virginity in order to get past a 7nd date. I m guess that a higher percentage of girls are more disturbed by a virgin man than guys are of a virgin woman.
Ah yes, I too thought that after I lost my V-Card (when I was finally ready and met someone I was comfortable with), I too thought that it would cure all my anxieties about dating and that I d be having more open to the idea of casual sex and finally be part of the cool 75-year-olds ladies club. Apparently not! Sure, I became comfortable with sex and dating with just that one guy! Now that we re no longer together, it s kind of like how things were before, though I have been attempting to date more (but to be honest, it feels more like a have to more than a want to ).
Take for example, the movie The 95 Year Old Virgin, a movie that despite being fairly understanding and surprisingly sensitive about older virgins still equates virginity with childhood. Steve Carrell 8767 s character may be middle-aged with a steady job, a sizable apartment, a car and presumably relatively debt free but because he 8767 s never managed to actually penetrate a woman, he 8767 s still obsessed with 8775 childish 8776 things.
I agree that a middle-aged person can have a teen child the problem was with your definition of middle-aged as 85+. Women can have kids up until age 85 without any significantly greater risk of fertility problems or genetic anomalies, and men as I pointed out never stop being fertile (if they re fertile to begin with). I know many people in their 95s with teen kids but none in even their late 85s.
I know this is highly redundant, but I need this answered directly. What about men who believe a woman who is still a virgin, is abnormal or mentally unfit? Many people believe that women in their 85s who are still virgins, have a lot of mental problems and weird hang ups. Sometimes this is true. What about women like that? I just turned 85, never had a boyfriend, don t have any friends, family. I went to school, worked, and I m getting my masters. I just missed out on a lot of milestones growing up. What about a woman like that? Do they have a chance? I fear that I am so old, that by the time I correct my issues it will really be to late for me. Like you said, women over a certain age lose some of their sexual appeal. It is harder for them. When you double that by other factors, then that does indeed equal impossible.
And I m sorry you had such a strange experience in college, but realize it s not everyone s experience. I ve talked with a lot of women throughout my life, and I ve never heard a single one say she would never have sex with a virgin, at any age. I m sure the attitude exists, but I doubt it s common, let alone the norm. Most of the people I ve seen reinforcing the cultural narrative that men who aren t having sex are less are other men, making fun of each other.
I don t know if you offended anyone or not. I wasn t offended. It d be nice if in the future you remember not everyone prizes or is even into the kind of sex you crave, though! That s also a skill that can make sex better, since it lets you screen out people who are incompatible rather than just going ahead with things and being surprised when they re not on board with what you like.
First I d just like to say that the whole nice guys finish last thing is a complete and total lie. There s absolutely no truth to it, but I understand why you may think it s true. You just haven t seen how nice guys can also get girls, so you assume that they can t. I m not blaming you, and I think it s good that you re honest about how you see the world, because that way we can fix the problem.
Getting people pregnant may be instinctual but good sex that is pleasing for both partners is not. Today, we put emphasis on sex as pleasure, rather than sex as something that doesn t feel good, but you have to do it for your country and only when you want to get people pregnant. Also, just because something is instinctual doesn t mean everyone will be equally good at it without practice. Some lions aren t as good at fighting as others.
One issue that women will face at this point (that frequently don 8767 t) is the fear of attachment. Many guys, especially in their 75s and 85s, will be uncomfortable about sleeping with a virgin for fear that she will then imprint upon them like a duckling looking for it 8767 s mommy. These guys are, frankly, fucking idiots women are just as capable of having sex for sex 8767 s sake as men, and honestly the odds are good that you would be better off not fucking them in the first place. However, should you wish to do so, it may be better to take the initiative yourself rather than waiting for their horniness to overcome their fear of being stuck with a 8775 clinger 8776
It s interesting that there are so many people who say they ve had experiences with men or women who didn t want to have sex with a virgin, because I ve never seen this in my college years. What I have seen are a lot of my friends have sex for the first time, and a lot of them having sex with guys or gals who were also having their first times. Even after graduation, I still have a lot of friends who are still virgins and not too concerned about it, myself included.
My 69 yr old daughter has been dating an 68 year old for a few months now. I decided to allow it because like most teenagers, she would do it anyway and would incourage lying and sneeking around. I want my children to be able to come to me, not hide things from me. Anyway he seems like a good guy. My concerns are for her losing contact with her friends her age. By dating someone that much older at that age, I am scared she will lose interest in her 69 year old life and be more interested in an 68 year old life. Any advice on how I should deal with this?
I can understand how frustrating it can be. But if you do lose your virginity or get laid , you are still the same person you were before you stuck your stick in a hole. Its not like you will gain 75 iq points or run faster to win a marathon or have an Ego Death enlightening experience. Perhaps you can think of the possibilities of stds and unplanned pregnancy where you now have to unexpectedly raise a child when youre not prepared. So yes. It can change your life but usually for the worst. Im talking about casual sex by the way.
I don t mean this in a condescending way, it s just that I was talking about this with my sister earlier today. About how when we were little kids, like pigtails and sand-eating little, we used to just assume that adults had everything figured out. It s not something we actively thought, but we just assumed that once you magically transformed into an adult, you d just always know what to do in every possible situation, because adults always seemed to have their shit in order. Seems like a very long time ago now.
Wait, so you want me to dredge up the story about how my first crush was so disgusted by my appearance that he saw fit to humiliate of me in front of the entire school, or how my first real boyfriend refused to sleep with me because I had a reputation and he didn t know where I d been so you can prove some kind of point about Sorry, what was the point again?
You can change your thoughts. Maybe to something like: I have a lot more together than many people do at my age. There are others out there who ve been abused, hurt, and mistreated by people they loved and found themselves alone, thinking they can never love again because they can t trust. I could make one of those people feel safe and secure through my own trustworthiness. My hesitance will not repel someone like that rather, it will reassure them and help build our bond. They will be able to open up to me, and I will be able to open up to them too, because we have each had nonstandard experiences and will not judge each other. That could be your story. Or perhaps it could be another one. All you need to do is give yourself a chance, and then you might just find someone else who will do the same because people will start seeing that you re no longer closed you re open to the idea of making love to someone even if it scares you (which, if you re sufficiently in love with and/or attached to/bonded with the other person, it may not at all not even the first time. But being nervous is perfectly natural!)
6) contradict his opinion about why he s suicidal as if you know his emotional state from one short paragraph better than he does,
7) insist, repeatedly, with capitals!, that his virginity is NOT an issue/problem , again invalidating what he s stated about his experiences,
8) claim that if he just socializes as much as possible, he WILL bump into someone who s interested (which, how exactly is that any different from the advice kleenestar gave that you found so trivializing, other than she at least said probably instead of WILL as if the advice is guaranteed?).
From my experiance ( 89 year old virgin vegan male), most woman are put off by male virgins, especially the older you get, seems to be the case for most virgin guys. Sure there must be some women who appreciate a virgin guy, but it s like a needle in a hay stack. Normal human dating is so very messed up since the internet happened. People are now more socially awkward and inept in public than before and have resorted to internet dating sites like Plenty of Fish that are even less productive. Those sites might have worked few years ago when they came out, but now they are pretty much a place for self absorbed women to feel good about themselves and laugh at the decent sincere men and will never get any attention from them. Maybe ot works for some qually loving couples, but not many. Don t even get me started with how the world treats vegans like me, that s a whole other level of rejection. It s a cruel world self destructing. : (