Posted: 2017-10-13 10:45
Lewin agrees, but believes the problem has more to do with life stages than age. 8766 As we get older, the age gap lessens. A 75-something might not be ready to settle down and have a family, as you 8767 re most likely focused on studying, travelling, partying or starting your career. 8767 A 85-something, on the other hand, has been there and done that and is possibly looking to grow roots and start a family, she says.
Is it all down to age, money and power then? Is that the look of love Dusty Springfield was singing about? Don x7569 t get me wrong x7568 those attributes are great but, to me, the battlefield of love has to be on level terrain. I want to be on the same level as my totes rich and powerful partner. I x7569 m all about equality (#feminism), and there isn x7569 t anything equal about a guy who x7569 s done double the living, has double the money and, perhaps thus, double the power.
THE FATHER FIGURE
It is often believed a woman is with an older man due to some sort of inherent daddy issue, says Johannesburg-based psychologist, Dr Tanya Robinson, who believes dating an older man actually comes down to stability and personal choice as opposed to a search for a father figure. Some women are just physically more attracted to older men, she says. Not only might they be more mature and settled, they are most likely over their personal hang-ups, she adds.
Not all daddy issues result in self-loathing some, in fact, lead to an overblown sense of self. Over -fathering things like being called a 8775 princess 8776 every day for the first 68 years of life can render a girl into a deluded brat with entitlement issues or, worse, a talentless twit who thinks she 8767 s on the verge of being discovered. The next time a girl brags about not being able to cook, fails to thank you for a kind gesture, or doesn 8767 t apologize for being late, it 8767 s probably because 8775 daddy 8767 s little girl 8776 never was taught those behaviors aren 8767 t okay.
There’s still plenty of wrong out there. Not too long ago, I went on a third date with a man who happened to have a daughter from his previous marriage. I could tell he wasn’t quite sure what to make of me when he asked what I liked about him. I told him that I was inspired by his creativity and admired his dedication to parenting. There was a beat before he asked, “ How old were you when your father died?” The association of the two questions spoke volumes to me, but I didn’t feel the need to prove that I wasn’t one of those girls with daddy issues.
As I turned 85 and grew into my “all the fucks” skin, I began owning my past. I Instagrammed #TBT pics of my father and shared stories, like the time in ‘87 when he brought home a computer—which I immediately destroyed by spilling a glass of Sprite on it. I imagined that we’d get into lively Android v. iOS debates if he were around today. I wondered if he thought of my mom, my sister and I when he collapsed on that soccer field.
It was John''s loss but even so, I felt ashamed, branded as a damaged good. I intellectualized my “issue” and dove into Victoria Secunda’s book, Women and Their Fathers , taking for granted all the research concluding that a fully present father was the absolute road map for a woman’s romantic success, along with high self-esteem, healthy eating habits and other positive attributes that were apparently out of my reach.
If that''s the case, why do we reactively label women who date older men as having daddy issues? My guess is that people like to blame women for their problems in general. If a woman finds that a competitor of hers has managed to snag the guy she had her eye on, it''s not unusual for the victor to be labeled a slut, or whore. Likewise, if a man "loses" a love interest to an older competitor, it''s a lot easier to blame his failure on the woman''s perceived psychological issues than to look in the mirror. As an added bonus, it allows him to continue the delusion that his youthful looks and vitality would count for just as much as the older guy''s money and experience, if only her dad had hugged her more.
I 8767 m not going to tackle the question of whether large age gaps are natural here in too much depth. However, a detailed OKCupid analysis sheds some light on the topic. It showed that men of all ages (yep, all ages) find women in their late teens and early twenties the most attractive. The study also found that guys regularly message women much than their 8775 looking for 8776 information suggests (see Dataclysm by Christian Rudder).
Nothing causes a woman with issues with men more anxiety than a man just acting like a man, which is why I 8767 m certain a majority of today’s Tumblr-style feminists are little more than the damaged products of poor or nonexistent fathering. Girls who have an irrational fear of male sexuality (everything is 8775 creepy 8776 ), label any masculine guy pejoratively ( 8775 douchebag 8776 or 8775 dudebro 8776 ), or who routinely pick physical fights with men are generally displaying their deep-seeded resentment toward their fathers.
Some call it the “Sugar Daddy Syndrome” while others call it the “Daddy issues” complex and it seems like everybody has a strong opinion about it. A lot of people have no problem with it, while many find it sick and perverted. Regardless of your own personal views, women dating older men is a worldwide phenomenon that is gaining popularity and acceptance at an alarming rate. But, why? And what is attracting these attractive women, to settle down with slow-paced, elderly men? We all know the gold-digger issue, but other than that, what gives? Check out these 7 reasons women seem to be ditching the bar scene, and heading for the retirement center.
Older men typically do not have the same kind of energy as men and therefore don 8767 t need to be pleased in the bedroom as often. He might also have enough bedroom experience to know exactly how to please you, so that your intimate time becomes more about quality than quantity. Some women grow tired of dealing with inexperienced men, and therefore this scenario is perfect.
While Durban psychologist Lynne Campbell-Gillies agrees that an older man might provide stability and live up to the image of provider or protector, she also believes a woman who has not fully individuated from her family, may seek the security of an older man who can continue the role of her father. 8766 In general, an older man embodies a sense of wider experience, status and financial stability and is possibly perceived to be more reliable than many men your own age, 8767 she says.
A 7565 study by Scottish psychologists x7568 which created the term in question x7568 found that more financially independent women were attracted to older men, but said men still had to be handsome. If being a silver fox was the clincher, I get why these women were drawn to Clooney. Not so much do I understand Courtney Stodden x7569 s reasons, in 7566, for marrying then 55-year-old actor Doug Hutchison. Stodden was 66. A story for another time, perhaps.
That, dear readers, is why I x7569 ve gathered you here today. You see, I x7569 m just not picking up what they x7569 re putting down. Before you grab your pitchfork, I have a few friends whose parents have quite the age gap, but are happy as Larry, 85 years in. Very enjoyment. Much marriage. But as lovely as I x7569 m sure those aged-like-a-fine-wine men are out there, I have zero interest in dating someone old enough to be my father. (Hi, Dad! Thanks for reading.)
If forgetting to pull out your chair or open up your door really is a deal breaker for you, then an older man might just be your ticket to chivalry-ville. The generation before yours, and before that, grew up in a culture filled with male chivalry. In movies, TV shows, and real life, men in the 6955s were not only trained to cater to women, it was the social norm. If it really makes you mad when a man doesn&rsquo t let you walk through the door first, or doesn&rsquo t take your coat for you when you enter a building, then an old man accustomed to this behavior might be right for you.
People who supposedly know what they 8767 re talking about are constantly telling us eating disorders “are all about control.” That is, girls who feel like they 8767 ve lost control over their lives obsess over controlling the one thing they can control—what they eat. And who, invariably, supposedly smothered these girls into the eating-disorder clinic? Their overbearing fathers. I’d be shocked if anything less than 95 percent of girls with eating disorders have documentable daddy issues.
That may have been true and insightful. But after graduating college, moving, and entering the New York City dating world, I regressed to the tactics of my 7-year-old self. I had always avoided talking about my dad, but now I eliminated family talk entirely because I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that it was incomplete. When I fell in love with a man 67 years older, and he pulled a fade out (I guess they don’t always age out of that), I didn’t call him out on being a narcissistic asshole. I was so aware of the stereotype, and I couldn’t bear to fill out the rest of it.
My husband is 97 and I 8767 m 78. I met him while I was taking courses at a community college and working. I was 76 and he was 95. He asked me out for coffee and we really clicked fast forward 8 years, we are still happily married, I am 7 months pregnant and we have plans for 7 more the sex is GREAT, he 8767 s my rock and truly a man 8767 s man. Ladies Older men are the way to go! 🙂
Do you and the person have the same retirement goals.. That is HUGE! If the person you are dating or married to wants to move to California when they retire and you still have 75 years left at your job and you like the place you work at, are you willing to move jobs for the last part of your life if you have to continue working? All things that are difficult to think about but are a reality and need to be considered.