Posted: 2017-10-09 22:22
If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don't get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can't fix.
8775 write a better profile 8776
Ladies really take that to heart. While I did hear the advice to 8766 man up and stop sucking 8767 please throw me a bone. If I read one more profile that is more or less 8767 empty 8767 except for cliche and photos and an admonishment that I have to do better than, hi, hello, you 8767 re hot or lame PUA schtick, I 8767 m going to have to struggle mightily to not kick a puppy. Give us something to work with.
And note how few unsolicited approaches men receive and send out a few of your own.
Also, I think any girl that is reasonably good looking and serious about finding someone won't be a on a dating site very long - either it will prove too much for them and they'll quit or they'll find someone quickly. I'm always wary of the good looking girls that hang out on these sites long term. If you read their profiles they'll normally have a laundry list of "must haves" that just screams high maintenance OR they won't bother with any content at all and let their photos do all the work. These girls have let the massive amount of choice they get from online dating go to their head and most seem obsessed with finding the perfect guy. It wouldn't surprise me if they end up getting used a lot by guys telling them everything they want to hear and then dumping them once they get them into bed. Funnily enough it doesn't seem to occur to them that maybe they are looking for the wrong things.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
I wonder if the information provided about there being more men than women is for a particular age group? i m in my early 55's and trying online dating on e-harmony only. I am reasonably attractive and several of my photos were taken by a professional (not altered in any way-I wanted it to be clear that they are really like me and give the date taken). I've put a lot of effort into my profile so that it gives unique info about me and describes the qualities of a good guy are to me and despite having at least one hundred matches in my region I haven't received any communication sincc
e the first week when 7 men contacted me with questions. So I have communicated with several men. Only 7 replied. Are all the men contacting the same small subset of women or are they to lazy to communicate at all. Several of the men I communicated with then viewed my profile and neither responded or blocked me. It takes only 7 clicks to block a profile. I find it inconsiderate.
Dating sites don't work!
One year on Okcupid and no messages or dates.
I am a retired 96 year old caucasian man. Being on a dating site for that long has made me feel very ugly and unwanted. I have read over five hundred profiles and I am very turned off by women now. I don't find women attractive anymore because of internet dating sites. I will more than likely be single the rest of my life now, Thank you internet dating. I give up!
In all reality, the odds are FAR better to actually meet someone at a bar, as much as we say we hate it. Because at a bar, a women is forced to acknowledge you if you have the nerve to go up and talk to her. Sure, she can still dismiss you and shut you down (or worse embarrass you). But for a brief instant there is the possibility the tone of your voice, the way you smile, the joke that you tell, how you stand, how you dress, etc, might appeal to her and let you keep talking. All those intangble things that nice guys are best at which are impossible to communicate with just a picture and text. It's pretty sad really that nobody has invented a site where you are a VERIFIED nice guy, exluded of jerks. A safe place where women can go. Women who also are VERIFIED to be looking for what they say they are.
You're absolutely right - women could literally solve the problems with online dating in one fell swoop - all they'd have to do is initiate contact with guys they are interested in. Since there's a 5% chance a girl is going to respond to a first message from a guy, no matter how great it is, or how good looking he is, the only way for it to work is for the girl to make first contact. Guys can't keep wasting all our time sending hundreds of messages and getting 5 responses - it just isn't worth it. Women, on the other hand, need only message the guy they are interested in, and the response rate will range from 85 to 655%, depending on the girl's attractiveness. Contrast this with the 5% response rate that women give to men. It's clearly the only way for this issue to be resolved. Because right now, online dating doesn't work.
However, it 8767 s always good to back up hypotheses with facts, and that 8767 s what Jon Millward did with this experiment , posted on his eponymous blog. Millward created 65 fake OKCupid profiles with similar sounding usernames, with the same written profile, personal stats, level of education, etc. The only difference? Each account had a different photo of a man or woman of varying attractiveness.
What I learned from carrying out an interview of a female and the interview of a male trying to dig into this intriguing subject was that using the Internet for dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons. Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person &ndash you&rsquo d probably have 9 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night.
However it's the same for me dudes, if you are tall nowadays you're not creepy and slimy, you're creepy and threatening. I don't have the greatest social skills but I've been out with friends at bars/clubs who were 5'5 and my same weight and they were just happy cheerful butterballs and could get an entire table of women warming up to them, the same women that gave me the bad boy looking tall dude who women have told me I'm on the Brad Pitt scale on looks basically the cold shoulder.
Well with so many women that now have their Careers today are a bunch of Narcissists, Greedy, Selfish, and very Power Money Hungry too which Most of them really Believe that they're all that since they really do have a very serious Attitude Problem which they really do need help very badly. Online dating really Sucks to meet a Good woman these days which in the Past Most women were Definitely much Easier to meet at that time and had a much Better Personality compared to the women of today which is why many of us Good men are still Single today which Most of us are Not really to Blame at all. Women today do want the Best and will Never settle for Less at all which it is very Sad how the women of today have really Changed.
Hi, I came from a family that was broken up by a woman half my father 8767 s age. I think for that reason I was jaded at any thought or suggestion towards dating a woman more than 6 or 8 months until now that I am at the age when my father left my mom for the woman and as much as I would like to stand up for Mom, my own recent experiences have taught me that there 8767 s a lot more to why these older men are chasing the women than I first suspected.
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women's lib was just getting going in the 75's. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn't changed.
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The study explained this had an evolutionary advantage. Because for all the hundreds of women out of your league who say no, you might get one yes. And then you have access to really attractive genetic material. But the faulty cognition is passed down to your offspring who also keep chasing women they haven't a hope with, and getting annoyed when they receive the obvious refusal, and so the cycle continues.
Daphne I totally agree with you. I myself just turned 66 and looking between 65 to 75 but I was shocked the first time I saw a 69 yr man looking for 68 to 85 yr range and now I see it all the time. How they even consider that age. Compared to us they are looking for a child. That 8767 s pretty sad to be that afraid of aging that they need someone barely out of their teens to make them feel This is why women say the decent men are taken cause there 8767 s so few left. The thing about these types of men is they are going to get a sad wake up call when they finally realise that these women are not going to spend their life with them, short term only and that 8767 s if they can get one. We don 8767 t need men like that anyway
To clarify - we women aren’t going through our lives thinking, “Poor me, I’m so afraid of men!” Or, “all men are murderers and rapists,” either. It’s just a fact of life that is so absolutely ingrained in us from Day One that it becomes a subconscious part of our DNA. So please, try to remember things beyond your own paradigm. We will do the same for you. ? (At least the “nice, good” and worthwhile of we women will).
To Ryan Dube: Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Ryan. And sadly, I suppose you are right. It is frustrating, for both men and women I guess, how shallow and looks-focused internet dating is. In fact, a study by OkCupid revealed pretty clear data that profile text matters not at all, and pictures are what drive activity on the site. I think, to some extent, this is the case in "real life" too - that people can be superficial, and everyone wants a "gorgeous" mate. But in real life you don't have this fake world where all the pretty people are spread before you as available to you. You meet who you meet, and can tell quickly in many cases if they will be interested or not, and can also experience more than just the visual. The profiles are meant to give that experience, but I think perhaps, for a variety of reasons, internet dating becomes some fantasy world where everyone seems to think their gorgeous mate is waiting, and it is work to read a profile, and if he/she isn't attractive enough, why bother?
Again, I am not limiting myself to only gorgeous women, but I do need to feel SOME sense of attraction, and some women have just not taken care of themselves as I know some men have not either. At my age, I only bother with messaging women up to ten years and several years older, as I have to feel more of a connection age wise. I hate to be harsh, but the years are harsh on some women. Again, a woman does not have to be gorgeous at all, but if my first feeling is that a woman's picture depicts someone who was a woman in a previous life, then I naturally go to the next profile. Since I still enjoy cross country skiing and cycling, then women who have interests limited to restaurants and being a spectator, then I likewise will pass, regardless of attraction.