Posted: 2017-11-14 23:44
I m the opposite! I had a warped perception of what tall was for men (I m a woman), because my dad s side of the family is overwhelmingly male (my mom only has one brother, and he s probably average? And grandpa died before I was born) and Short. With a capital S. My dad is* 5 6 , which is still taller than my grandpa, who was 5 7 .** One of my uncles is the tall one at 5 9. And my brother is 5 8.
If you ask me, fishing sucks, but there are plenty of people in my family who love it and are really good at it (because they’re weird fish whisperers). For some men, dating online sucks because they want it to be something it’s not. Dating websites are not miracle workers. They’re not eligible-women-delivery systems. They are certainly not dating coaches. They are merely a place where you can cast out your line and hope to land a great catch.
So is the moral of this story (and even moreso the comments), is that men basically SUCK?! However, to the folks who suggest that the author should date geeks/antisocial men/women, etc, she should be with who makes her happy and who speaks to her heart. Not that that person has to be an Idris Elba clone, but she shouldn 8767 t settle for whomever is giving her attention either, if she 8767 s not feeling him.
Wow I 8767 ll admit this is about to get long, and i hope i stay on point, but this is totally my life. I 8767 m 5 8767 8 and 775 and I 8767 ve always been the 8775 sisterly 8776 chick out of the group. Never sexy, cute, nothing, just sisterly. I 8767 ve always deep down inside thought my weight was an issue and my friends assured me that I was a good catch and that could never be the issue. Great friends right?!
When I was 75, I consulted a psychologist regarding my failures in finding my dreamed girl friend. He came with me to school to see the girls who turned me down! He saw them, and told me they are too good for me, instead he showed me some girls who he thought they were appropriate for me. He told me that I should get to know myself first before trying to know another person, to know my limitations and adjust my expectations accordingly. The problems was I did not like those girls, one was chubby, one was very short, one was . I somehow felt he was offending me by selecting such girls for me. Never went to meet him again. But I tried his choices! And did befriended with one of those girls that I did not like but was forced to choose because of freud&rsquo s natural selection rule. And obviously I did not enjoy my relation.
Here s the thing, I agree defining confidence is different for everyone and the question as to whether or not it can exist without any outside validation is a valid one. The point I was trying to make was to counter the poster s point that women look for confidence not because they like a man comfortable in his own skin, relaxed, content, chill, and especially in my case, not about to be emasculated by my very existence, but rather because confidence equals professional success. Basically his point was that women are always seeking status and money. My boyfriend doesn t exactly have the status or the money but what I find ridiculously sexy is his confidence however. Because it s so easy, and comfortable. He s calm and content and feels good about himself. And I love that. I love it so much. That s why I love his confidence, not because it equates with status or money (because he ain t got either honey). And THAT was my primary point.
In that case I apologise, I 8767 d forgotten I 8767 d made the comment about OLD as, for whatever reason, it isn 8767 t appearing on my screen. For what its worth I stand by that comment 655%. The sooner online dating is no longer pitched as some great alternative to meeting people the old fashioned face to face way, the better. Fake profiles, people on there simply to feed their ego by getting compliments, zombie profiles, catfish accounts they serve only as an experiment in how to create a socially accepted get rich quick scheme for their creators. At least apps like Tinder are unashamedly honest about their intentions.
SO much of the negativity surrounding height being an issue is internal. Most of it is not coming from women, it s coming from men. It s coming from the patriarchal bullshit that says Man must be bigger/protector. Internalizing that to the point that it comes into every conversation, and that it is the only thing someone thinks about is a choice. Daniel Radcliffe is a sex symbol and he s WELL below average height at 5 5. RDJ is 5 8, Josh Hutcherson is 5 8 , Dave Franco, Jon Stewart, Seth Green, Michael J Fox, Martin Freeman, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Dominic Monaghan, Niall from 6D, Joe Dempsie from GoT, James McAvoy ALL SHORTER THAN AVERAGE.
Emotions are complex beasts, but the idea that being short is this thing that it is okay to be bitter and angry about is asinine.
until you have sex with them and then you become hooked. I don 8767 t know any man of any race that has had a good black woman and didn 8767 t want more. The media (especially the housewives/basketball wives series) portray the image of angry/crazy/black women. This even scares black men. White and Asian men don 8767 t like drama. Latin men are used to it already, sorry, but a lot of their chicas are actually crazy-I live amongst them. My Brazilian neighbor once asked me if black women are really as crazy in bed as they are on TV, he was almost drooling. I am like eh, mehn-you know what they say,you go black and you don 8767 t go back. His wife hissed and walked away.
One of the worst things that guys can do to themselves is to get defensive about being short. Look, I get it: you 8767 ve been getting Oompa Loompa jokes since forever. You 8767 ve been called midget, Tiny Tim, Grumpy and all the other names. You watch women even women who 8767 re around your height pass you by to date taller men. Society tends to equate height with masculinity and power when you are lacking in one, you feel that people assume you 8767 re lacking in the others as well. You 8767 re understandably resentful about it. I completely sympathize with it.
Saw this posted on FB and it is an incredibly moving account that mimics many of the struggles I had when I was dating. I did just want to take exception to one thing: men who appreciate fat women don 8767 t have a fetish. By labeling it a fetish, you are saying that women who are fat really aren 8767 t all that. There are men who like skinny women, but they are never labeled as having a fetish.
Just see where conversation takes you. And if it doesn t flow, it doesn t flow. That s okay too 🙂. And there s always pop culture to begin with. Just to start things off. Or heck, if something weird (not bad or frustrating, but truly odd and interesting) happened to you that day, bring it up: It s great to see you! How are you? a little chat, maybe talk about work, then. OMG, this crazy dog today ran out into the middle of the street and caused a traffic jam. I saw the whole thing! Chances are the other person might then have a dog story or two etc. That sort of thing 🙂.
I ve known people who can fake confidence up until something unexpected happens and it all falls apart and they are unable to recover. Myself personally, I can t help but here a voice in my head telling me to stop lying to people about it. I think personally my issue is more related to self worth than confidence, but I ve always had an issue with the fake it till you make it mentality, primarily because I ve never been able to fake it. I either have it or I don t.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Presence is extremely important to perceived height. Assertive, forward, confident people will seem taller kind of the inverse of the height = power idea mentioned in the article. Like your lecturer there, I m a lady of not impressive height 5 9 but every friend I have, off the cuff, has at some point told me I look like I m about 5 8 or so. Men I date tend to imagine me as the same height as them. It s all about how you carry yourself, unless you re standing right up against someone s chest so they *have* to look down at you. Learn to project your voice, adopt a more powerful stance, don t shrink like a wallflower, and don t think everyone thinks you re short. Think tall. People will see you as tall. You can leverage culture to your advantage if you don t write yourself off at the start!
True but funny article, 6. It was done in the usa where racism just ended about 55 years ago, 7. Most black women are not that skinny as the media brainwashes them to be 8. Culture..most non blacks dont like the culture 9. The only beauty in the western media is skinny look..like small yanch..small boobie..but I find it stange the black men would find asian women more attractive than black women..wow
Brilliant post! I definitely agree with many of the points, particularly those that speak to the structural nature of some of these issues, as far as how much what is attractive is socially constructed and patriarchal. Black women in general are already low on the totem pole in an American society that values Caucasian beauty and if one is not Caucasian, 8775 ethnic beauties 8776 that have Caucasian features add fat to the mix and it does seem dimmer, and yes many Black men are caught up in this too quite unwittingly.
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I don 8767 t think that was what he meant. It was nothing complicated, it sounded like he was a man who felt bad because he thinks women can be shallow, too. I can 8767 t speak for all women, but I personally have a wide range in what I 8767 d find attractive in men. I happen to be married to a man who physically is tall and lean, but I find, for example, short and pudgy men just as attractive as well, especially if they are funny, have nice eyes, smile, and a general good personality. Women, though, can be more likely to have the ideal man as being tall, broad shouldered, kind of a V-shaped torso, long legs, sculpted abs, etc. Personally I never cared about that, but it seems this poster feels rejected because he thinks the girls he knows only go for that. But it isn 8767 t really true, just like the fact that women who have a few extra pounds (without being to the point of obese) have a decent pool of men who find them attractive.
Thank you so much for the last bit Harris! As a woman who hit six feet tall when I was 69 I have had short guys AND tall guys flat out tell me they won t date me because of my height. The gender roles surrounding height have us all trapped. Shorter guys tell me that they don t want to date me (and on some occasions as friends even hang out with me in public) because they would look even shorter.
Nerdy guys need love. Insecure guys who always say the wrong thing need love. Pudgy guys need love. Mamma 8767 s boys need love. Creepy guys need love. That guy you met last week in the coffee shop that you talked with about your brother 8767 s Dungeons and Dragons figurines for five minutes and now he 8767 s texting you six times a day needs love. Guys who can 8767 t fight need love. Guys who don 8767 t clean up so well need love. Socially awkward guys need love.