Posted: 2017-11-14 13:41
Barry is using my second-favorite rhetorical device, apophasis , the practice of bringing up something by denying that it will be brought up. For example, 8775 I think the American people deserve a clean debate, and that 8767 s why I 8767 m going to stick to the issues, rather than talking about the incident last April when my opponent was caught having sex with a goat. Anyway, let 8767 s start with the tax rate 8776
If you take a math test, and you don 8767 t know how to find the area of a circle and just write random numbers down, you might get the right one by chance. If you take that test and you think the equation to find the area of a circle is e r^7, then you will not get a single answer right. Your answers will be consistent, you can show how you got them, they 8767 ll all match each other, and they will all be wrong.
That didn 8767 t make them bad guys for wanting, but I remember having this kind of story called out as part of our background culture that could cause guys to get pissed at me for not playing by the normal rules, if I didn 8767 t care about the stereo they were holding or the sportsball win or them just being generally around and nice. My impression was that I was being given the Nice Guy meme defensively, so I wouldn 8767 t feel guilty/betrayalish for not wanting to date guys I didn 8767 t want to date.
Ah, I think I know what you mean about performing emotions. I don 8767 t think I 8767 m Aspie per se, but I have quite a flat affect for a lot of things that 8775 should 8776 affect me.
I will say that for myself, I gain a lot more from a romantic partner being supportive than being empathetic concrete actions and responses to situations, which can be learned just as 8775 this is what x needs when this kind of thing happens 8776 are more important than how their feelings react to mine. There should be people who agree with me on that out there somewhere (this is not intended to say your aim of being awesome and of service to others is in any way wrong or you should emphasise it less, not least because I have no idea how uncommon I am in this respect).
Other times I get freaked the fuck out by people who believe in a 8775 Loving 8776 god that made them lesbians and then forbade them to have sex with women or whatever the fuck. It 8767 s especially disturbing because Catholicism is the thing I seem to notice atheists convert to more than other things, and I just plain don 8767 t grok that. So to me it 8767 s really disturbing when people advocate self-abnegation and loneliness in the name of (something emotionally equivalent to believing Elvis is still alive).
Again, I acknowledge that there is merit (though comparatively or very low value) in (what he claims is) his argument about non-dominant men being less fortunate in their sexual and romantic endeavours with women than those more overtly misogynist (and this problem is solved through feminism, through dismantling the patriarchal society that values machismo over kindness). It is unfair. But this article is even more unfair, and reinforces the very misogynist norms that need to be dismantled for his stated problem to come to an end (along with the other really serious, non-privilege-pity-party problems of misogynist culture).
Fortunately i am content with who I am as a person and recognize that at this stage of my life I am looking for a woman to connect with intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Certainly for myself physical attraction is important but it has moved from the top of my list to the bottom. I wish I could state that my shifting ideals have made it easier to find potential partners but in reality it is now immeasurably more difficult.
There really don 8767 t seem to be many people who write about how to be nice and sexually successful. Given that most people seem to like sex, and most people who like sex like it with people they find attractive, it doesn 8767 t seem an impossible task. I do have a suspicion, however, that the reason there appear to be a lot of silly games around getting laid are that in practice there are very often preferences or interests involved that are awkward in the open, and that this might be a source of difficulty for those aspiring to niceness.
I love to live an active life and explore. I am very passionate about helping others and I am currently in the process of putting together a fundraiser to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis by climbing Mt. Rainier. The climb is also being dedicated to one of my patients that I have become very close to who loves adventure and mountains although unfortunately his lung function prevents him from chasing his dreams due to the high altitude.
But maybe a less sarcastic response would be to point out Harry Harlow 8767 s monkey studies. These studies many of them so spectacularly unethical that they helped kickstart the modern lab-animals 8767 -rights movement included one in which monkeys were separated from their real mother and given a choice between two artifical 8775 mothers 8776 a monkey-shaped piece of wire that provided milk but was cold and hard to the touch, and a soft cuddly cloth mother that provided no milk. The monkeys ended up 8775 attaching 8776 to the cloth mother and not the milk mother.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don't see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn't a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.
If a major chunk of people 8767 s happiness is going to hang on whether we can 8775 ding someone 8767 s bell 8776 , and one side is adamant that there is no way to improve one 8767 s ability to 8775 ding people 8767 s bells 8776 , and another side says 8775 you can absolutely learn to ding anyone 8767 s bell you want, step one is to be a vicious asshole, but that 8767 s okay because they all deserve it anyways 8776
I agree, but to add another level of nuance, I also think that not replying at all to an initial message is similar to a job posting that states 8775 you will only hear from us if we are interested in your application 8776 which I have no problem with in either context. I think if you 8767 ve engaged at all, then there is a responsibility to reply: If you 8767 ve been corresponding with someone on a dating site, or certainly if you 8767 ve met them, then I think you do need to close that door (as, absolutely, you do and so many companies do not with someone you 8767 ve interviewed or even phone screened for a job).
My typical response if I wasn 8767 t interested was 8775 Thank you for the nice message, but I don 8767 t think we would be compatible because ______. Good luck in your search! 8776 95% of of the time, that blank was filled with, 8775 you want children and I do not. 8776 I recognize that 8767 s an easy way to weed out people that doesn 8767 t apply to most, but there is probably something in their profile anyone could allude to.
The difference is that is is socially unacceptable to ask for dating help when you are older, but if Harry wanted to learn a skill (small engine repair, a bachelor 8767 s degree), there are tons of schools he could conceivably apply to and pick up that skill and everyone would be proud. 8766 Pick Up 8767 books are sort of like dating training, but they only seem to be focused on shortcuts rather than requiring the guy to put in the work, and learning nothing but shortcuts is usually not very successful. Also 8766 being good 8767 at dating doesn 8767 t mean you get to date whomever you want (which pickup books seem to imply get the hawt chick!), as there are still other factors that determine such things.
I 8767 ve heard everything under the sun. Not replying is rude, sending a rejection is hurtful. Saying no after one date is jumping the gun before you 8767 ve gotten to know the person. Saying no after five dates is wasting his time and stringing him along. No matter what you do, people will get mad. I guess this means that we should just go with our gut feeling on whether to say no or yes, try not to do or say anything overly hurtful to the person, treat them like we want to be treated, and above all remember that, if they still get angry and call us names, that 8767 s on them. That is not something we did.
Life is tough after 55 years of age. Over 7/8 of the divorces after age 55 are initiated by the women, as my ex-wife did. So guys, treat her right.. and still hope for the best. I suspect, that once a woman's estrogen drops and the kids have flown the nest, then women's innate sense of maintaining that nest flies away as well. Women naturally become more independent and more critical of whatever it is that they want the husband to do. Funny thing is, I did all the man's kind of work like mowing the lawn and such, and always did the housework stuff like bathrooms and the laundry, but to no avail.
I see a lot of evidence that the gender differences in automatic in group bias ( http:///pubmed/65996779 ) apply to the respective movements. Basically feminists are sexist, TRP/PUAs think women and men are both equally worthless (though I have seen more calls for execution and suicide aimed at men than at women in that community) and you should get pussy while the pussy 8767 s good, and Men 8767 s Rights activists are genuinely attempting to bring justice to wronged men (can you tell whose side I am on?) I 8767 m pretty open to being convinced I am wrong, but people will need to do something besides conflate TRP/PUA and MR and then ignore the anti-male side of TRP/PUA in order to convince me.
Women are not less intelligent than men women and men are not different species half your genes come from your mother and humans are social animals, with a lot of survival depending on the group 8767 s success not the individual 8767 s.
So What actual reason is there for expecting men and women to have similar psychologies? is simply answered our basic psychologies are similar because they are based on similar brains, we have similar brains because of having similar genetics, and because apart from genes on the X and Y chromosomes, anything that is selected for in men will thereby appear in more women too.