Posted: 2017-10-13 01:58
Most of us have gone on dates with strangers from the internet at some point. But even if you met your date IRL, it’s a good idea to give them a Google Voice number when you start chatting, Rucker says. Google Voice lets users generate phone numbers for free and use them to set up other secure chat services like WhatsApp or Signal. A user can easily turn off her Google Voice number and get a new one if her date turns out to be a creep—and she won’t have to go to the trouble of changing her real number and redistributing it to all her friends.
Women tend to like things about men that are hard to change: Income, height( he has to be tall objectively not just taller than her) Race( with few exceptions white men get more response on dating websites than men from every race group. Even when they are messaging minority women they receive more messages than men from the same racial group). http:////your-race-affec
I don t think I believe you when you say you ll take anyone. Come on, would you be interested in a woman two or three times your age? (Or four, if you re enough?) Or your size, for that matter? What about someone with beliefs farthest from your own? Or disturbing fetishes? I think you re forgetting how unattractive and terrible people can be, and if you reflect, I m sure there are some women you wouldn t want showing interest in you.
So? The women at the events you recommend will also know 8 men in their field to every 6 woman. The ones who are interested in dating men in their field probably already know plenty of other guys. Heading to a meetup where they re gathered to network with other women and educate themselves doesn t magically make them forget all the other techy guys they know. If anything, it s likely to be met with hostile responses by women who are at the event specifically because they wanted to avoid a meat market atmosphere.
IMHO (and this is a bit of guesswork on my part, together with a few observations), genderized responses to personal failure also play a large part in the situation. Women, when they fail to attract someone, are conditioned to internalize their failures. There s something wrong with them they need to change themselves. They should lose weight, they should work out, they should wear more stylish clothing and be more interesting. They should give up and try again later, in other words. Men, OTOH, blame society and, more specifically, women. It s not anything they re doing. It s the women who aren t responding. This means that men are going to be *way* more persistent when it comes to online dating, but they ll be persistent in all of the wrong ways. Shotgun approaches, again. Which brings us back to why we can t have Nice Things online.
Beyond that, the ability to get a sexual partner within a pre-set amount of time or with whatever suitable definition of 8775 ease 8776 might be isn 8767 t exclusive to women. Men have equal ability to find sexual partners as women do it just involves being willing to lower your standards to being willing to sleep with anyone who offers or shows an interest. Women who aren 8767 t conventionally attractive, whose body types differ from the culturally accepted ideal or otherwise don 8767 t meet one 8767 s personal levels of sexiness are out there, hoping to get laid just as much as everybody else.
This is one of the most pernicious myths about dating out there. The idea is that because it is supposedly easier for women to find a sexual partner than it is for a man, they are the dominant force, the buyer in a buyer 8767 s market. Because men supposedly can 8767 t wander into the mythical Bar (and it 8767 s always a 8775 a woman can wander into a bar 8776 scenario) and wander out five minutes later with a woman eager to jump his bones, women by default have greater power when it comes to dating. Men have to compete in order to win her approval while a woman gets to pick and choose who she wants based on whatever arbitrary standards she feels like in the moment.
I have gone out to concerts and looked around at bars and walked around on campuses full of well-kempt women. In none of those cases have the men payed even a tenth as much attention to their appearances as the women. Grooming, for men, means taking a shower and combing their hair for any woman, it means showering, blow-drying and styling their hair, putting on a layer or two of make-up, and assembling a coordinated outfit. We too are expected to hit the gym repeatedly each week (do you think this is a *genderized* activity?). And saying that women are not supposed to have personality traits is well, to be blunt, one of the stupidest things I ve ever heard.
I 8767 ve noticed that there 8767 s a topic that comes up repeatedly when it comes to talking about dating issues, whether it 8767 s about the problems with being a Nice Guy , online dating , or even just approaching new people : the idea that women hold all of the power in dating. They are The Choosers, the gatekeepers to the Promised Land 6 , cruel temptresses who taunt men by being attractive and yet unavailable. Because sex is so much more easily attainable for women or so the conventional wisdom goes they have luxury of being able to define the standards which men must meet, wantonly cutting off men who are not rich, tall douchebags with square jaws and fast cars. Men feel helpless they feel that they are forced to leap through hoops in order to win women 8767 s approval and hope that she will pick him against all odds.
Synco, the city I 8767 m currently living in just happens to be a college town. All the women I 8767 ve tried to start a conversation with, the talk leads up to 8775 what major are you going for? 8776 and when I inform them that college is financially impossible for me, they get awkward and silent. Dating sites (okcupid included) are all the same too. I write a lot of people, hardly any response. When I 8767 m at work at one of the two jobs I have ( a rarity in today 8767 s economy) the passion I have for what I do shines, but everyone there seems to have the mentality of 8775 get what I need and get out. 8776 I could be grilling a restaurant quality prime steak and tons of people pass me by like I 8767 m non existent. And in the end, I end up home, alone, and a little more dead on the inside.
If you re fairly socially competent, capable of treating women with kindness and respect because you treat all people that way and are looking to level up your dating game, Doc s got articles for that. Some people are starting a little farther down the social interaction totem pole. I m not sure how much articles like this get through to the people who really need them but i appreciate that someone is making the effort.
That s fair. I guess I meant my suggestion more in the vein of if your therapist s recommendation doesn t leave you many women to date, maybe you want to consider yourself or discuss with them the specific reasons for the advice and whether anyone outside the easy-to-follow version of the recommendation might fulfill those. If it s a matter of having a brain that works certain ways, there may be careers where women who would have been engineers but for are concentrated. If it s more the nature or the flow or the schedule of the work, sometimes there are adjacent professions or different ones with similar concerns. If it s both, then yeah, I don t think there s a lot of room to diverge from the advice as it is and that it would make a lot more sense to focus on how to be more appealing to those female engineers who are available.
For a dude who s mission statement is to help the nerd get the girl Nerdlove seems more interested in purposfully writing insulting and sensationalistic posts for the sake of perpetuating his image as Hardass Nerd Who Finally Discovered The Light And Now Tells It Like It Is Hardcore Style® while not caring so much about the fact that a lot of sensitive and messed up people are going to be discovering this blog in search of much-needed information and straightening-out and are instead lumped together with sexists, misogynists and creeps for no apparent reason.
I have a qualm with the Men Take All The Risks section. The Doctor has spent numerous columns about why *you* should take all the risks, but now he states that the notion it s necessary is bullshit and then proceeds to list all of the reasons that women *don t* to take the risks. He kind of sinks his own argument here by absolving women of responsibility, does he not? Or is he trashing the notion that women are lazy, entitled or just get off on having men subjugate themselves ?
Odds matter more in a macro environment (a city), in micro environments where the people gathered are specifically looking to date (a dating site,or a bar), and in micro environments where the people gathered may be flattered to learn someone of the opposite gender has an interest in their hobbies or might not know a ton of people of the opposite gender (a knitting circle). They don t really matter in micro environments where people are there specifically because of gender. A gynocologist s office is not a great place to meet women, despite the gender ratio, because the women there aren t necessarily struggling to meet men elsewhere and because none are at the location looking to find dates. Even the biggest sausage party of a bar in the same area would be a better place for a man to find dates.
I would respectfully submit that married couples should be excluded when talking about attraction and dating. In general, both men and women make all sorts of compromises when it comes to getting married. A woman in her early twenties isn t really going to care about financial stability of her boyfriend or his suitability as a father. The same qualities become far more important when she hits thirties. So, when you say that you have many friends with awesome wives, it means nothing. Did these men have awesome girlfriends in their early twenties? If not, they are simply being used for their money.
To be fair, there are quite a few men who invest a large amount of their free time into being attractive. Sure, cardio and going to the fitness center does have other benefits as well, but for many looking good and feeling more secure is a huge factor as well. I m sure if you d add up those hours it would be a bit fairer ). You re right of course that the average women probably spends much more time on her make-up/outfit than the average man.
So, for people looking for advice, I think it s good to remember that complaining that the odds are good for someone else is often replied to with but the goods are odd (or at least not what they re looking for) by that person. There are a few ways of dealing with that moving, otherwise adjusting the odds, making changes to be more of an appealing partner to the small group of people who are available to you.
I used to have a very Victorian view of dating back in my high school days. The Men ask The Women out and they bring them The Flowers and they pay for The Dinner and the girl works hard to protect her Virtue despite all that. Some of it came from my upbringing and the kind of parents i have and the country i came from, but as time went on i felt more and more uncomfortable with this arrangement.
I met a lot of girls who felt the same. I think an average North American woman is not comfortable with the idea of handing all the dating duties to the guy. it feels weird, why is the guy stuck with everything? it takes two to dance as it were.
Although it&rsquo s not the fun side of things, I really don t think that you can talk about the female dating experience without talking about and our society&rsquo s ideas of A lot of my female friends in college were sent to college with the idea that they&rsquo re main objective in college was Not Being I had one friend whose father told her that if she didn&rsquo t take a self-defense course during her first semester of college, he wouldn&rsquo t pay for subsequent semesters. Sadly, since our society refuses to acknowledge that most is acquaintance a lot of the advice my friends received had to do with never, ever leaving the house by yourself after dark always wearing shoes you can run in and always checking your car before entering it. 65 years later, I still feel irresponsible when I go to the grocery store after dark. Grocery stores: the gateway drug to walking down dark alleys by yourself.