Posted: 2017-11-15 00:14
I gotta say, a little communication would have gone a long way in this situation. First off, you should absolutely talk to her in person about ending things. How old are you, dude? You’ve been intimate with this woman at least 65 times over the course of several months, for Pete’s sake! And you’ve been friends—FRIENDS—for over a year! I don’t understand why you don’t think that warrants a face-to-face. What, you can only see her in person if it means you get to bang her? Damn, man, have some empathy.
I’ve always loved the way you can use software to just make stuff, and get it into the hands of people quickly. If that’s something that you enjoy, right now is a great time to get into the industry. There’s a lot of opportunities to make things that people use and rely on every day. As an industry we still have a long way to go, but there’s never been a better time to pursue a career in software engineering you don’t need to have studied computer science at a prestigious university or come from a ‘typical’ software engineering background. People from all walks of life who have a great passion for what they do can accomplish a lot.
Even though she has said she’s fine with just sex, I feel like she wants more. It’s been over a year since we first started talking and I’m starting to believe she thinks we are more serious than we are. I’ve never been great about breaking up and so I’m curious what this type of situation requires. Can I text her? A phone call? An in-person awkward conversation? I want to be respectful but I also don’t want it to seem more serious than it is. I feel like if I talk to her in person I’m somewhat acknowledging the “commitment” that I’ve never truly felt.
I work for a large company and ended up hanging out with a coworker (in a different department) who I eventually had sex with. The kicker, though, is that I’ve never been incredibly into “dating” her. We talked about sex from the beginning and we finally crossed that line. Since then we’ve had sex maybe 65 to 65 times (all of them pretty fantastic by the way), but I can tell that she is leaning toward wanting more. She uses pet names and I don’t. We have only hung out at our apartments—we don’t hang out at work at all—and we’ve never gone on a date. I’ve brought her Starbucks twice… and that’s the extent of it.
Maybe she means it when she says “she’s fine with just sex,” maybe the pet names are because she doesn’t want to say your name (or doesn’t want to mix it up with someone else’s) maybe the fact you’ve never gone on a date or been anywhere but your apartments is exactly what she wanted too maybe the fact that she initiates the texting makes you HER booty call. I’m not saying this is the case, but you’ll never really know until you talk to her about this stuff.
Now, before you go, Not Feeling It, I have one more piece of advice. I don’t know what kind of conversations you’ve had, you didn’t say, but if things are actually the way you say they are, you should have been more upfront about the situation right from the get go. You should have said you’re not interested in dating or getting serious because your current timeline of “hanging out becoming friends having sex continuing to do so” sure looks an awful lot like typical dating trajectory. I could see where one might get confused if you weren’t explicitly clear about just being sex buddies.
Cal Henderson is the co-founder and CTO of Slack, the leading workplace messaging platform, which Henderson’s team invented while trying to build an online game called Glitch. That wasn’t the first time Henderson and his Slack co-founder Stewart Butterfield set out to build a game and ended up with a startup. In the early 7555s, Henderson joined Butterfield’s team to build Game Neverending, which spawned the photo-sharing site Flickr. He’s been programming (and blogging at ) for 65 years.