Posted: 2017-11-15 06:27
No, some women actually don t get attention from men, not even men they find unattractive. As people here repeat all the time, women are not a monolith with a hive mind and a shared set of experiences. The woman who s complaining about the creepy guy on the bus and the woman who s sad that she s never met anyone who tried to flirt with her or ask her out are two different people.
Empathy is about allowing yourself to get into another person s shoes to try to understand how something feels *for them.* Having similar experiences can give you a starting point, but after that you have to listen to them and how they are addressing their situation without trying to solve it for them. Empathy isn t about how you would react it s about understanding why they reacted the way they did. Empathy isn t about deciding if the reaction was objectively wrong, but understanding that it was right for somebody. It takes a little bit of imagination.
To be fair, the vast majority of the clowns you might bump into this weekend are merely going to be overenthusiastic Stephen King fans who gleefully responded to the Alamo Drafthouse’s sick call to arms. But, as is always the case when there are more clowns wandering the streets than normal, it is important to remember that some clowns aren’t just people in awful Party City makeup. Some clowns aren’t people at all—they’re murderous, bloodthirsty monsters who’d like nothing more than sink their filthy teeth into your unsuspecting flesh.
But now it 8767 s become an incredibly silly idea that cannot possibly conform to humans. Yes, humans are indeed animals who by nature probably aren 8767 t supposed to be monogamous but we 8767 re sentient. As in we can actually formulate thought and we are aware of everything around us including this bullshit about 8775 alpha 8776 status. Now I can understand shouting 8775 alpha 8776 as a way of motivating oneself at the gym, picturing themselves as these huge musclebbound dudes. So long as that particular 8775 alpha 8776 mentality stays in that kind of context, that 8767 s fine. You wanna be the best, etc.
It s a like a lot like other virtually-closed sites where agreeing with the party line gets a ton of up votes while disagreeing automatically attracts of a torrent of down votes. Best of all there are self-appointed bulldogs are quick to shoot down any dissenting comments with their own comments. However it s not surprising that with time such sites do indeed block out comments except to their nearest and dearest.
Are you mixing up correlation and causation? Just because the comments that get thumbed down are generally those that disagree with the article does not mean that disagreeing with the article is the cause for them getting thumbed down. The cause is almost always* a different, unsavoury attribute of the comment. Sometimes, it s because the comment is an argument for something just plain stupid. Sometimes, the comment shows that the commenter is not paying attention to the other side of the argument. Sometimes, it s because of the amount of whining in the comment. There are many other possible causes besides those three, but simply disagreeing is not one of them.
In person, your online persona comes across as someone who would rather maximize the amount of content communicated and has a hard time with small talk. Linguists actually have their own funny word for small talk , though, and it serves a core function as social glue. Once you have a better sense that the real purpose is to show that you think the other person is worth the effort of trying to communicate with. (Even if it 8767 s something as banal as talking about the weather it 8767 s not that you think they 8767 re so stupid they can 8767 t make up their own opinion about the weather right in front of them, it 8767 s that it 8767 s a point of commonality when you want to talk to someone else to acknowledge their personhood, but don 8767 t know anything about them that you could use to better tailor your message.)
Most people here don t downvote everyone who disagrees with them. They downvote the people who disagree in insulting or offensive ways, the people who keep arguing the same points while ignoring the evidence presented to the contrary, and so on. I know this because I ve seen plenty of dissenting opinions that were expressed thoughtfully and respectfully even get upvoted. But hey, let s not let actual facts and evidence get in the way of your need to vent about our unfairness!
I know that being single is ALSO something that requires a lot of this work and the status quo isn t necessarily a neutral state, but between the two, I will take single every day of the week over the bog of misery that meh sinks into. And yes, I m in a similar boat with online dating etc where I can send loads of messages, follow the doc s advice, and not get any response (or a few but all negative) and it is AWFUL feeling like you are not likeable or desirable.
My whole family is kind of the opposite, which is odd given how religous everyone is. My middle cousin dated her high school sweetheart for five years before they got engaged and everyone was fine with that. Granted, part of it was that he s a truly awesome guy and both he and my cousin were going through college and boot camp respectively, but no one started actually asking about an engagement until year four.
Also, it might sound funny, but your posts have improved MY empathy. Like I said, the idea of not having a super (over) active imagination is alien to me. Reading your responses to questions is like looking through a window into your mind and seeing some of how it works. Each response adds more data and complexity, so even though it s not how I would react/respond, I m understanding WHY you respond the way you do.
Actually John Wayne s demise from cancer may have had as much to do with that weird Genghis Khan movie shot on location downwind from a former testing site for atomic weapons (they even brought back some of the dirt to Hollywood for continuity for reshoots!) Supposedly almost half the people who worked on the film as cast or crew ended up getting cancer of some form and of those, about half of them died.
I m not Marty, but I can kind of get where she s coming at with regard to this. I don t really like living with anyone. I like having my own space and being able to be messy and annoying and keep strange hours if I wish to and have complete control over whether the dishes pile up in the sink while I marathon Orphan Black or the house is pristinely clean. The benefits of living with a romantic partner would be having someone to pay half the rent and not having to drag clothes back and forth from another person s house a few times a week. The benefits of living with friends would , just the rent. I m not wild about sharing housing with either, but of the two, I d at least be up for having a conversation about sharing housing with a romantic partner. Living with friends would be reserved for times of financial crisis, and I m not really sure they d be all that preferable to strangers. The last time I seriously thought about living with a friend was many years ago, and we both laugh and say we re glad we decided not to because we re not sure we d still be friends if we had.
Because it is work to always be finding something better, and at some point everyone will hit a quality wall. For example, my dad is the type who has been on the hunt his whole career for the perfect job: one where he will get to do only the tasks he likes to do, will like most everyone he works with, is a perfect distance from home, has the exact right salary, etc. He has expected that once he finds it, he will never have a bad day at work. This isn t at all realistic because everyone has bad days even in the best of jobs.
Living with friends tends to make them not-friends. I often joke about how the only reason a boyfriend/husband would put up with living with me is for the sex, which I can t exactly offer friends. I jealously guard my home space, so when living with folks I know, I tend to hole up in my room a lot friends who don t live with me see me more frequently than friends that do. Even with very good friends, I could never quite strike a balance of having my alone time/space that I can control and arrange just so, while also maintaining good relations.
I could make the same accusation, that ALL men are holding out for the 65% of women who look like supermodels, but it still wouldn t make it true. It s just my own insecurities talking at that point. Because if I really look around, I see plenty of average and ugly people together. If everybody held out for that supposedly-coveted 65%, none of us would ever fuck anyone, let alone get married. And then we d be doomed.
I will freely admit I have no idea what it s like to be a guy out there in the dating world. I would never tell any guy that when he says he sees no indications that women are interested in him, he must be making that up, that it can t really be that hard. So it s very frustrated that so many guys come here insisting that they know what it s like being a woman in the dating world. I have *never* felt like my options were limitless, like I was chasing after a select guy in competition with a whole bunch of other women, or like there were guys around who were clearly willing to date me if I d just settle for them. The vast majority of women I ve known haven t see things that way either. But hey, what do I know? Apparently random dude on the internet has a better idea what women experience than actual women do.
Nope. I m sorry I m not letting you have that. I have been told in no uncertain terms that what I say, my opinion of what makes a man attractive, does not count, it s just not true. I m sure you re right that many men do caveat with observe what they do , but in my personal experience (and yes, it s a survey of one, with all the bias that entails) some of these men are not interested in hearing anything other than what they already think.
I think I m one of those. I can go years without even feeling attracted to someone. It s not that I m looking for anything too specific, I m pretty open in the types of people I date, but I very rarely get that sparky feeling of OMG I want to see you again, and it s usually for people with contradictory traits like you say, probably because I have lots of those myself and I m familiar with / attracted to the tension and equilibrium.
And the more time I spend alone the more I like my life, so the bar keeps being pushed up. At this point I think it s not likely that I will ever meet someone I like enough to dump my singledom. Luckily I don t have a problem with that. It would sure be a nice surprise, though.
I never got the appeal of the hot woman with an average at best man and I m a man. Personally, I d like it if a woman whose dating considers me physically attractive and handsome rather than somebody she is dating despite my looks. Why wouldn t a man want to be seen as good looking? I d rather have a woman think I m handsome than be the average/ugly man who gets the woman over good looking guy.