Posted: 2017-12-07 19:15
I am reading this guy Eric's situation and it is EXACTLY the same as mine and from what I can gather, thousands upon thousands of guys out there.
For sure a lot of the girls are "saying" they want the nice guy but end up looking for the guy they have spent an entire paragraph saying they do NOT want. Not all girls are this way though.
I truly believe that a MASSIVE amount of the blame can go to the guys who act like asses and the girls who let them get away with it. Clearly it works on some girls so these jerks continue to try until they find that girl.
Also a lot of girls need to lose the attitude, I mean seriously no matter how good looking you "think" you are, if your head is up your butt you are going to come out looking like poop.
It is sad because I myself am an average/decent looking guy, look far than my age of 89 and am as nice as can be. Yet I will get not one single response out of 85 messages.
It is important to note that women are playing their own role in this game of losers. Women by evolutionary design (primarily revolving around the unequal distribution of effort regarding procreation) seek out comfort and safety which play into the unequal distribution of power and wealth. Early on men realize their ability to find a partner directly correlates to their ability to acquire wealth so as to be a better provider of safety and comfort for a wife and any potential offspring. While it is true a poor man can find a partner it should come as no surprise that the greater wealth a man possesses the more opportunities he has to find a desirable mate.
You did spend a lot of time on your tex to clarify the situation! I salute you for this effort. I do understand and identify to all of what you said. I am only saddenned that the phenomenon of online dating is a speculative viscious circle where the more men need to date someone, the more selective because submerged women are and therefore the more men need to date someone! = / (I guess men pushed the button first)
What you have to realize as a guy is that weirdly enough there are literally thousands of male profiles that have handsome guys educated to doctorate level on these sites. Just take a look for yourself. This means that no woman would even consider your profile if you a) don't have a doctorate b) don't look at least 'ok' but the doctorate is the clincher. Its just as if when us guys look at profiles on these sites if there were thousands of porn star hot profiles on the site and you had some chance of having them reply to you, you wouldn't even think about wasting your time with a quite pretty girl who was really nice. Unfortunately It's as simple as that. It's not cos you or I are mean it just would be lunacy if you found a hot model liked you and you liked her to go for someone else. That is what these girls are all effectively facing from their point of view a dating site chock full of the most attractive guys so why bother on the rest. Not only that but even for the doctorate level entries they don't get women hitting on then out of the blue every 5 minutes. Try it make a fake profile and you'll see what I mean.
All this being said, there are some major drawbacks for me. We all have our things we're into but I'm often guessing if I'm even attracted to the women I agree to meet. I take the chance anyways because it's my best option at that time. Some of the women I meet I find attractive, but most of the time they aren't as good looking as girls I would date in real life. As a guy who does really well in a date setting, almost every girl I meet wants to see me again, I'm left frustrated by this. I know I'm a catch, and I carry that with me but online I rarely have the choice to date women I'm attracted to. They come around once in a while but most don't answer me back.
I dated a Liberal woman and no conflicts arose from our political differences. I find it troubling you wouldn't even want to be friends with someone who would vote for Trump, or even someone who wouldn't be friends with another who voted for Hillary. You sound grossly intolerant of other people's views. You should be open to people with differing views than your own, otherwise you will fall into engaging in groupthink and confirmation bias. In other words, you will not learn much in this world seeking out people who will just agree and affirm your opinions on life. You grow by seeking those out who can show you a different perspective. In my experience, I've found people like you frustrating to say the least.
It's hard to drum up a lot of sympathy for the girl in the article. Yes, I totally get they are getting messaged by jerk guys sending them pictures of their junk, or sending them stupid and worthless messages asking for a hookup. Those can be creepy, and don't often happen in real life. But the other messages of older guys or losers telling them they are "hot"? That stuff happens in real life also. Older pervs hit on women all the time and loser guys hit on women in rl and tell them they are beautiful or attractive. They can handle this stuff in rl but can't handle it online? It's more disturbing for this to happen to them online than in rl? Sorry not buying it.
But the reason women always slept around is they're wired that way. As well as the evidence accumulated by Bergner you can look at "sperm wars" and paternity testing for proof. Why do sperm fight and kill one another? They have to if they want a chance at a fertilising an egg, because women have always slept around. And there were a lot of surprised people around when DNA testing of children first became possible.
The fact is most women don't look at online dating like a bar scene, at least not at first. They somehow think the site is brimming with their fantasy guy who is just waiting for them. Or that they can weed out all the bad apples and find Mr Right. They get a little disappointed when reality hits. Much like how so many men think online sites have hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for men to save them from lonliness.
Sorry but nope. The pretty girls on the site usually made the account for kicks and don't really care about your message because they could easily walk out their door and have someone hit on them.
We could term this "hypergamy" as some commentators do.. which makes the females sound quite like lab rats and gives the (male) commentator a horrendous, vile, disembodied ocularity, but that's not my deal at all. I know that females are smart, informed, and selective, and have strong capacity - in most places, thankfully - to exercise choice about mating habits. Females also possess very strong sex drives and know how to get what they need and want, whether it coincides with the NiceGuy/bf/hubby or - often - not.
Regarding the point you have made in regards to how little effort men put into writing as a means of sharing their true selves I would like to suggest that the issue is not limited to men. I've perused hundreds of women's profiles and I can attest that it is a rare person that writes of themselves in a fashion that isn't simply a marketing job. The vast majority of women's profiles read exactly like a job application.
Online dating is ridiculous for men. My day starts with rejection and ends with rejection. Women are too worried about a mans exterior appearance that it blinds them to everything else. I've been doing online dating for a few years now and have met some women, but most of the messages I receive are from women I'm not physically attracted to. After talking with buddies women seem to ignore every man, so who are they talking to? Online dating isn't just harder for men, it's much harder. It's men doing the vast majority of work and women sitting there filtering thru and rejecting all the nice guys that she complains about not existing.
My favorite moment is when they stop messaging in the middle of conversation. You try again and again but there is no response although she's online, like she had a heart attack suddenly. Another one is when they don't show up. First date and without any warning just no show. Then no response of course. Love those moments especially when they call men creeps. After several contacts like this in the row, men can start acting creepy, I guess. They learn very quickly to not give any respect to women because they are not going to get it back even when everything is going very well.
Well, I'm not there yet but I get pissed sometimes, it's nothing like in real life.
I am not so much about looks or status myself. Trust me, I have quickly moved on to the next page with six-pack man, successful businessman etc. I personally find it really hard to find men that write a decent profile. I'm not saying they are not out there, I am just saying I have found it hard to find. I have found just a lot of simple profiles. I guess most men on dating sites are not my type. Not that they are bad, but they are just not my type and it shows because most men don't contact me either.
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women's lib was just getting going in the 75's. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn't changed.
If only a simple Hello would suffice, because reading a dozen ENTIRE profiles every day is time consuming and a little draining on the mind. That isn't even considering that I then need to choose which women I feel I could bond with over either similar outlooks on life or common interests and goals. If only looks were all that mattered, or better yet if looks didn't even matter. Alas they do, and everybody is attracted to people with similar genetic markers to themselves. If the world weren't like that though, we'd join a site and be done the next day.
This experience is best exemplified by my close friend who I will call Eric. Eric has been using a couple of online dating websites off and on for the past year, with very little success. He spends time every day carefully browsing through profiles and looking for women who he feels share his same interests &ndash beyond the dating site&rsquo s algorithm which promises to perform its own magic in matchmaking. Despite his efforts, few girls ever answer his carefully crafted, very kind messages.
Women have strong libidos and love sex. The book What Women Really Want by Daniel Bergner uses 7 years of scientific research to categorically prove that women are not only AS sexual as men, they may even be more so. And that monogamy kills women's sex drives within a few years. Women are wired up to be non-monogamous. Hence all those thousands of nerves around the clitoris designed for nothing but pure pleasure.
In comparison to the work nice guys have to do, women (particularly average to good looking women) absolutely do appear to have all the advantages. Average nice guys are competing for attention from the creeps, the jerks, the ugly guys, the good looking guys, the hookup bad boys, even other women. All the cards are stacked against us. It's like a message in a bottle or winning the lottery to catch them at just the right time at just the right moment to get a response.
In the old days,people just met partners I. School, at church or at work and found a way to make it work. Now you have a seemingly unlimited supply of partners. Even when you find one that is good enough, the current societal conditioning not to settle for anything for the best, or 'the one' just means the search continues. The 'top ' as in the most desirable of both sexes on these sites go on dates upon dates and most of them never quite find what they are looking for. Making us all a little more shallower as a whole.