Posted: 2017-10-16 23:54
Of course all that being said it seems to me that for you it isn t a matter of things being harder for you because you find it difficult, it seems to me that for you it s a choice. You don t think there s a need to be open to people, to let them in, to have an outwards appearance that reflects the inside. Cool. I have to assume that works well for you. I was simply responding to your judgment that people only respond to the outward expression as opposed to the true feeling beneath. My point was that outward expression is often a clue people look for in order to discover what s underneath. It s not that people are just attracted to the outwards expression. It s that they are attracted to the stuff underneath but need to know that stuff exists in the first place and clues are a good place to start. Now if you want to not offer those clues to people and yet still expect them to be into you for your confidence without them knowing you have any, then that s awesome. As you say, it might have it s toll on your sex life, but it is what it is.
I don t believe it works that way.
I think what needs to be done instead is to accept some base truths. You got to accept that you are equal to others. We are all good enough (or suck equally, depending on how you look on it). And because of that, you don t have to cover up your weak sides, you don t have to act in a way that seems foreign to you, and you don t need to fear people being critical about you.
(If they are, you can cooly judge if they got a point or if their criticism is ridiculous.)
What a breathe of fresh air!..as a 97 year old guy divorced 8 children and 6 grandchild , I find your types of women to be spot on.. I think I have dated each type you 8767 ve listed. I never expected it to be this hard. I guess it must be very difficult for women of similar age to realize that what they used in their 75s and 85s to get a guy, just doesn 8767 t work anymore..of course physical beauty is important but for myself you need to bring something more to the table than looks real connection, shared life experiences, intelligence, similar life goals, ambition, and a zest for way more important to me I 8767 m confident that person is out there
Thanks Karmic, that gives me a better understanding of why men I 8767 ve dated (and my friends have dated) have never really liked it when we take on any 8775 pursuer 8776 type of role. My dating life became a lot more effective when I really learned to lean back (at least at the beginning) and respond to the man 8767 s lead, rather than trying to lead myself. I 8767 ve learned to try to let go of control. That birthday dinner was the only time I ever did a check-grab with my boyfriend, because I thought it seemed tacky to have anyone pay for their own birthday. However, even there we eventually compromised by me paying for the meal, him dessert!
There is not that big of an age difference between the two of you. I think in your case it is timing. She made reference to the fact that she s done raising her family. She had her children at a much age. I myself did not have my child until I was 87, so by the time I was 56, my child was a teenager. It didn t bother me one bit! Don t give up on this woman. You ve had a month s break, so perhaps now is the time to go to her and have a heart to heart talk. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I think I would be ok with it at my age, but when the opportunity came up I said no. Sure, why not fun for a little while, but then what? 75-somethings move, they change jobs, they lose their phones, they don 8767 t really know how to cook and have no money or furniture, and they need to learn about saving, or else call on mommy and daddy for help.
So for all the 8775 fun 8776 I also see a lot of downsides. Looking down the line and my parents are older and will likely be in declining health, it would really stress me out to tell a 75 or 85 something that if we got married, and anything happened to me, they 8767 d be on the hook to take care of all three of us and disperse my money from the wills, administer medicine or even finish raising my kids. God willing it 8767 d never happen but most 75 somethings and even some 85 somethings I 8767 ve seen are still kids themselves and don 8767 t think about those things. I think kids in their 75s need time to mature, and nothing will change that opinion of mine, that they 8767 re not really adults until about late 75 8767 s.
I 8767 m 75 and in love with someone is 57. We 8767 ve never dated because of the age gap, but she 8767 s expressed the same level of attraction towards me. We both desperately want to be together, I have never loved anyone more. We 8767 re afraid however, that it is not wise for us to be together because the age gap will take its toll down the road. I don 8767 t know what to do, I am truly heartsick.
I am 99 and he is 79, we are deeply in love for 8+ years! I am married/live with another, but there is no love, only live in the same house due to money obligations. I spend most of my time with my boo. We vacation together, 8 yrs in a row. He believes that his family won 8767 t agree and will possibly disown him. So I am a secret. Even if family plan to visit, he takes everything of mine(which is a lot) and will hide it in a closet so no one know that a woman is in his life. I find it very difficult!
Thank you for sharing your experience. This proves yet another important point. Although age and mental maturity are somewhat proportional, older doesn 8767 t necessarily mean more mature. If you are a immature at 75, you are likely to remain and be that at 95, unless some very significant events in your life completely transform who you are, which is rare. On the other hand, if you are very mature at 95, there must have been something about you that was showing signs of maturity at 75.
At least from your perspective, it sounds like she has serious issues that she needs to work with that would take months of therapy and possibly other steps in order to get over them. I am not sure how getting in touch with her now would help you or would serve you in any way, except aggravating your pain and setting you back by giving you a sense of hope that you might get back together, which is not necessarily a good idea in your situation.
I think anyone who decides who to date simply based on the other person s height is missing out! I m only 5 8 and my sweetie is my height (maybe 6 taller) and I couldn t care less. He still gives the best hugs and it s nice to be able to kiss him without standing on my toes and getting leg cramps (laugh it up, it happens to the best of us!). Personality is more important than height or looks. That s just my opinion 🙂
That 8767 s the cold hard truth. Yeah, it kind of sucks. There will be some women who are especially vocal about it, and that can sting too. But you have to ask yourself: why are you going to want to date someone who 8767 s going to assume that your height means you have nothing to offer? It 8767 s a sign that you are incompatible right off the bat. Let 8767 s say that you, a short man of, say, 5 8767 5 8798 , asks someone out and she out-and-out laughs at the idea that you thought you had a shot with her. Yes, that can hurt but come on: she 8767 s just shown you that she 8767 s an asshole. You didn 8767 t get rejected so much as dodged a fucking bullet. Why, in pluperfect hell, are you worried about what an asshole thinks? These women, in may ways, have done you a favor by self-selecting out of your dating pool, leaving you free to find women who you are compatible with.
Trust me my work takes me to many countries and I have lived for extended periods of time overseas. I know there are gold digging women in EVERY country and they know who to find easy targets bitter, shallow, insecure American men looking to fulfill a deluded fantasy and willing to shell out what cash they have to soothe their egos and they know how to play you like a violin.
Then for about six months, I tried to date men my age. But Seth*, a beautiful guy from my gym kept talking to me. For a year, I would often give him advice about the girls he was dating, and we'd have long talks about psychology and spirituality. I thought of myself as his mentor never in my wildest dreams did I think he would fall for me. But one day he said, "I love you. I've never said that to a woman before." I was so moved by his sincerity that I went uncharacteristically mute.
Evan I used a guy that my coworker wanted to hire for his wedding because he really liked the guy 8767 s portfolio, but ended up hiring someone else, because the guy was too expensive. (I had a groupon.) Didn 8767 t go to the park though, as it was winter and pretty cold outside. Maybe if I saw a good example that worked for someone else, I 8767 d be convinced, but I haven 8767 t happened across one. I 8767 ll ask my guy friends if they 8767 ve ever seen a pro photo they liked. I still think it 8767 s a location thing.
No more texting games. “He texted me an hour after I texted him.” “What should I text him back?” Sound familiar? I can still remember the days when I’d utter those words and essentially have an anxiety attack every time my phone buzzed and it was a guy my own age I’d been casually seeing. When I first started dating my boyfriend, it threw me off when he didn’t text me, but—wait for it— called me instead.
Hi Tina, Absolutely! I agree. I would never want any woman to settle for a man who doesn 8767 t make her happy. And as far as those jerky guys, you don 8767 t owe them anything. Being yourself with men is the best way to attract the Right Guy. After so many years of dating, and now coaching hundreds of women as they date, I see that that 8767 s actually something difficult for us to do. Our walls, anger, frustration show up. And we tend to attract the wrong guys. You sound very strong, independent and I bet you can take care of anything that comes your way. I 8767 d like you to read this article. I 8767 d love to hear your thoughts. http:///needy-women-get-the-nice-guys/ Bp
Well, there is a tendency for people to say 8775 all women are like this 8776 or 8775 all men are like that 8776 . Clearly this is not the case as you have described six very different types of women. I am sure there is a similiar list of men. The problem I have is that most of the stuff I read focuses on the negative aspects of people and dating. It has kind of become everyone 8767 s cool-aid of choice. We need to stop bashing each other and get back in touch with what caused attraction before the baggage built up. Sure, hormones were a big part of it but being a jerk could kill that pretty quickly. Be your most attractive self (live a healthy lifestyle without being a complete narcissist about it) and don 8767 t be a jerk (typically associated with some form of narcissism). Expect that people can be quite different in terms of ambition, lifestyle, and the way they made decisions throughout their lives to bring them to the point they are now. Figure out which one of these beasties you are and go find another one that is similiar.
You can convince yourself that the gorgeous 79 yr old Russian bride loves you just for you, but the reality is that, if you have to go to an economically disadvantaged country to buy a woman, she 8767 s almost certainly in it for a Green Card or your wallet, and before you judge HER for being a 8775 Gold-digger 8776 remember that you 8767 re using her for her sex appeal, which is just a bad. Frankly, if you are not appealing to American women, you aren 8767 t actually any more appealing to a foreign woman. She 8767 ll just put on a show for her own advantage. And that 8767 s what it 8767 s really all about for guys like you. You want the hottie, even though you can 8767 t offer them what THEY want, so you want one to pretend to like you to stroke your little boy ego. It 8767 s quite sad, really.
Think of the 8775 faking it 8776 part not so much as lying but as being conscious of what your physical behaviors are so that you are communicating what you actually want. It 8767 s actually a well established practice in animal training. Animals are very sensitive to behavior. They 8767 re primary means of communication is body language. If you 8767 re nervous, excited, happy, relaxed, this all translates into how you stand, how you breathe, facial expressions, etc.