Posted: 2017-11-23 03:51
I have to admit, this whole think tall, aspire to people seeing you as tall thing annoys me a bit. It s a conflation of height with things that people associate with height, and then attempting to reverse that so that if you have the associations you also have the height and easily extends to an implication that if you are not being seen as tall, you are failing on other fronts.
An alpha male is completely the opposite when it comes to dating. First of all, most alpha males avoid dates because they are boring as fuck and generally have low returns on investment. Alpha males look for other more spontaneous ways to meet women, such as through dancing , insta-dating in the daytime, or pulling from a bar or club, but sometimes dating is the most viable option a man has (especially in certain foreign countries). Second, since we are talking about Western countries, let me tell you how attractive men view dates:
Also, not entirely on topic but it continues to bug me, why isn 8767 t all of that the patriarchy? If all of those names and the millions more around the world just in the present day can beat it, it 8767 s a pretty feeble social construct. It isn 8767 t even as if the people you named are doing unique things stick him an expensive suit or get his shirt off, put him on a TV show or magazine cover, rinse, repeat. It has been and still is used so often and with such success that surely it becomes a social construct/framework of it 8767 s own.
See, growing up, I thought I was short. I 8767 m actually 5 8767 65 8776 , but my father and all three brothers are over 6 foot, I 8767 m the shortest of all but one of my cousins, including the women, and in my late teens I had a lot of very tall skinny friends. It was only as I moved into the wider world that I realised I was taller than many guys and most women. The way you perceive yourself in society around you is inherently unreliable, there 8767 s no height at which short becomes tall, it 8767 s all relative.
It s funny how there are an absolute ton of people who are thin or average sized who aren t sporty at all and who love to sit around watching TV or playing video games, yet it s rare for people to have as many objections to dating them as they have to dating fat people. Hell, a lot of people who don t want to date someone fat are TV-watching, video-game-playing, gym-hating sorts themselves.
I m 6 9 and male and have some opinions on this. First let me say I m socially awkward so height alone isn t enough. I ve dated women from just under 5 to 6. I like it when a woman can look me in the eye in heels (life sized!), but it s really about the individual. Someone else said they don t know what their type is and I am the same, it just depends on her.
But what about artificial height-extenders such as boots or lifts? I 8767 m not in favor of them to be perfectly honest. I had a pair of New Rock boots that made me a good three inches taller which felt amazing. But at the same time well, those shoes had to come off eventually and the women noticed that suddenly I was at boob-level instead of eye-level. A subtle lift one inch or less can be a confidence booster but honestly, it 8767 s just a shoe-version of Dumbo 8767 s magic feather.
I ve known people who can fake confidence up until something unexpected happens and it all falls apart and they are unable to recover. Myself personally, I can t help but here a voice in my head telling me to stop lying to people about it. I think personally my issue is more related to self worth than confidence, but I ve always had an issue with the fake it till you make it mentality, primarily because I ve never been able to fake it. I either have it or I don t.
Let 8767 s take as an example as it is, at least where I am, the most talked about dating website. If you specify the minimum and maximum heights you are looking for in the search section, any body who falls outside of that range is effectively removed from the site in the user 8767 s eyes. They simply don 8767 t show up at all *. If that isn 8767 t writing somebody off before knowing anything other than their height, I don 8767 t know what sort of example you 8767 re actually looking for.
I also want to address the (wrong) idea that short women are Just the fact that I am only 5 foot makes people think I am as in 75-85 years And at the same time, they also throw out the idea that I might have had an education, or that I might be working at all. It is condescending as hell, people, if you hear the I do not believe that you are older than 76 EVERY time you go out. Or the I do not believe you are the manager, you are too or you are too to be am 95, and I know my life, my age, and what I want.
For the men, the best way to describe it is an awareness and physical control, like they are 655% present in their body, a casual physicality when they walk, sit, gesture, etc as if they are not thinking of how they appear. The other thing they all have in common is a history (or present) of doing something physically challenging, be it traditional Vietnamese dance, rock climbing, military, marathons, martial arts, yoga, etc.. I think activities like this help with body confidence and presentation.
My prom date was six foot BEFORE her heels and I m 5 6 and we didn t have any issues because neither of us made it an issue. And I used to go out dancing at the clubs in college with a 6 6 woman and she used to complain that even dudes her height and taller wouldn t ask her out because she was so tall and specifically model tall with long legs and a really sharp look.
You sound like you think that 8767 s a bad thing. Maybe what this society needs is a few more 8775 repressed mothers 8776 . Somebody has gotta 8767 teach these girls to respect themselves. And since we seem to have an epidemic of women kicking fathers out of the home, it 8767 s probably gonna 8767 have to be momma. Unfortunately, momma hasn 8767 t been doing the job. Saw a couple of vids on YouTube the other day. The first one had a group of mothers standing around cheering on their TODDLER daughters whom they had taught to 8775 twerk 8776 to 8775 gangsta rap 8776 . Hands down the most sad and disgusting thing I 8767 d ever seen. Second had mom doing the twerking herself. There 8767 s mom. Tiny pair of booty shorts, making her asscheeks clap to 8775 Shake that ass, ho 8776 while her six or seven year old kid wandered in and out of the frame. The kid commented 8775 Mamma, your ass stinks. 8776
A big part of changing an attitude like that is precisely ditching it. You make the conscious decision to not have that attitude. You make the conscious reaction to those thoughts by going this is negative and not helping. It s a big part of cognitive behavioural therapy to recognize negative thought patterns and eliminate them. You can t just say welp it s fine that I m being constantly negative and angry about something that is no ones fault and in no one s control
Instead of helping betas now, I just use and abuse them like women do. Why respect a beta when he cannot respect himself? Our women act like cunts because our men have no backbone or self-respect. They refuse to stand for their own self-interest and so women act like tyrants because they can. This Askmen survey merely validates this fact. I treat betas like shit, and they aren 8767 t even aware of it. I think they like it this way.
I have some pretty bad social anxiety and so I am faking most of the confidence I seem to have. My problem is that I am also an extrovert and I love being around people. So it s being miserable and lonely, or being social and terrified for me. I ve learned how to act confident and happy and un-terrified until I can calm down enough to be actually comfortable. Doing that has taught my (high-strung and extremely annoying) nervous system that I will survive the encounter, no matter how scared I am in the moment. It s given me coping mechanisms to calm down. Basically, I ve taught my nervous system that I m ok, I can deal and I can get myself through whatever it is. So it can work. You just need to invest time and energy into it. And maybe you ll never be 655% confident. I m certainly never getting rid of the anxiety. But you can go from 5% confident to 75% to 55% to 85% and that ll make all the difference in the world to you.
I guess. I just don t understand how your supposed to convey your awesome personality if the person isn t attracted to you in the first place. At that point aren t just pestering someone who isn t interested? I feel like preferences are formed offline, and that OLD is just makes them visible. I m not saying it s impossible to date if you have x unattractive physical trait, I just don t think you are going to change anyone s mind. That you are working with a significantly smaller dating pool, and I don t really feel like you can expand it that much.
I want to imagine it s just a knee jerk reaction to being shot down for something like that. We (the rejected in this case) need to feel like there is a good reason why they rejected me due to something outside of our control. At least, that s my thoughts on it. It s part of why I think dating and approaching is as much about finding someone and weeding out people you can t/ shouldn t date.
So because some people reading may have poor social calibration in some settings, DNL shouldn t bring up playful teasing? I m gonna call bullshit. Firstly, let s stop perpetuating the idea that all nerds have poor social calibration. It s very much not true. Secondly, what DNL has always been trying to do is help people. Talking about all types of flirting is going to fall under that umbrella
Of course, there are disadvantages to online dating as well. The major ones are safety and privacy concerns. Unlike blind dates that friends set up for you, you probably won’t have references for the people you meet online. There are plenty of precautions to take however, such as utilizing the secure communication tools offered by most online dating sites. When you do meet in person, do it in a public place and make sure that a friend or family member knows where you’ll be. You can’t count on the fact that your boss has seen his or her resume or that you’re best friend’s significant other has known him or her since high-school.