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Are You an Attractive Introvert? - Christie Hartman, PhD

Posted: 2017-12-07 12:02

Like DNL said, sometimes people think these things are more important or attractive than they really are. To use an opposite-gendered example, lots of men on dating sites filter out women older than themselves. There are probably plenty of women in that pool they d find attractive, but online they can click a button and never even see them. Lots of men filter out women over a certain weight, even though a woman of that size would look fine to them if they saw her at a bar or the produce aisle.

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I 8767 m 5 feet short, average, have a baby face with round cheeks and most people say I look like a college kid. Zero sexiness. But I 8767 m uncomfortable being sexy. I mean, there are guys who like cuteish girls so why should I have a problem? Also, I am not ugly in any way just very very ordinary and average. Now, even if I do get a compliment, I can 8767 t believe it. I think people just want me to compliment them back.

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As far as romance is concerned, I am shy. This is where I actually have some insecurities about people misunderstanding me or not being attractive enough. I have trouble being flirty. I don 8767 t dress sexy. Most people assume I am single and terribly lonely. I actually love my own company and don 8767 t mind being single. But I want to know what it is like to fall in love, be wooed, be a woman, and enjoy romance.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have said these exact words to my husband (who is an extrovert) many times. He is patient with me and loves me with everything he has and totally gets it. I wish more people would get it. I love socializing, but mainly one on one and I think people just do not take the time to understand. Thank you for putting in to words what goes through my head daily. Means the world to me that there are others out there just like me!

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I m not sgoch, but I d say try not being self deprecating. I make those kinds of jokes about myself too, and I ve discovered that even though they are funny, not everyone feels comfortable around them. I have stopped making such jokes when people first meet me and I don t find it not being me. It s just not being all of me in one go. You can absolutely start telling those jokes little by little as you get to know each other. Self deprecating jokes work best with people who already know you well, or in stand up comedy where it doesn t matter what people think of you. So yeah, maybe just try not to tell those kinds of jokes or put yourself down in the first few dates. You don t have to be overly peppy and smiley, just don t do those few things at first.

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In my profession, I have to appear to be an extrovert. In sadness, there is this introvert at work who I can relate with (even know we have only had a 65 min conversation in the last 7 months). It 8767 s too bad because she most likely thinks I 8767 m an extrovert and will never get to know my true self. I would like to know if you have any suggestions on how to spot introverts who act like extroverts.

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I do wonder if this means the same thing to everyone. Like, I always thought of the term chemistry as referring to a certain spark in the way two people interact (Hepburn/Tracy banter, for example), but more and more dating articles seem to be using it with the simpler connotation of I need to be able to look at this person and instantly go OMG HAWT or it will never ever happen ever. I dunno, maybe I m projecting, but I also wonder if that s what some people mean when they say you can t help who you re attracted to.

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I am a musician (a performer, no less!), so people assume that I am an extrovert. But honestly, I 8767 m just a 8775 brave 8776 introvert. Practicing my instrument is like rehearsing dialogue in my head. It 8767 s really been an outlet for me. I 8767 ve really forced myself over the years to try to overcome my shyness tendencies, but I 8767 m really an introvert at heart! I just want to stay in with my honey or a couple of close friends, have a drink or a cup of coffee, and have a great conversation that isn 8767 t about the weather!!!

-It 8767 s forced and inauthentic. Extraverts smile when there 8767 s lots of stimulation, but introverts smile when there 8767 s a reason to (being overstimulated not being one). I smile plenty of times, but not just for the hell of it. and insecure people can often fake smiles at parties and such to create an illusion of having a great time, only to be accepted by people they may not even like that much. Anything that is a far cry from authenticity should rarely be recommended, although nobody can afford 655% authenticity, we all have to adapt to survive, sure.

And yeah. What s up with the rude responses? I have to say, I read the #okcupid on tumblr sometimes and while yes there are truly horrific things that men say to women (mostly women post their experiences on Tumblr) sometimes I read their responses to guys and I m, Uh... no I think this guy was actually being sincerely nice and you just treated him the way you d treat an a**hole. I mean, and these aren t particularly bad, just kind of rude and dismissive. Hearing about the personal insults is just mind boggling. Who thinks that s an appropriate response to anyone ever? It s just. Ugh. And I m really sorry you went through that.

According to these points I am an introvert, yet I am a very loud and interactive person at times. I have undergone several personality tests through work, and I often come out as an extrovert, despite finding people exhausting. I also have ADHD, and have often wondered if my disorder causes behavioural characteristics that seem extroverted, when, really, I like my music, my books, my scrapbooking, and my family time. Anything else is effort.

Thank you for writing this, I new a little about introverts but now I know more. After i found out what a introvert was i knew it sounded like me but didnt look further into it, i dont really like labels or stereotypes on myself or others but these are pretty much spot on for me. I also don 8767 t like when plans and such change at the last minute. And I think lots of introverts come off as rude or grumpy especially with new people

First and foremost: embrace monochrome. One of the biggest mistakes that men make is to wear clothing with a strong contrast a white shirt, brown belt and blue jeans for example. The problem with this is that the sudden color change from white to brown to blue creates a visual interruption. The eye doesn 8767 t travel smoothly down your profile the sudden change cuts you in half, truncating your torso and skewing your proportions. Instead, you want clothes that are relatively consistent in hue. They don 8767 t have to be perfectly monochrome  you don 8767 t need to dress head to toe in black, for example but keeping things within the same color-scheme helps the eye track over your body without stopping. This is one of the benefits of suits the uniform color scheme helps create a unified silhouette.

So, being an introvert who would rather connect with someone on a much deeper level than just sharing a common interest in various, meaningless 8775 fun 8776 activities, doesn 8767 t that really mean that as an introvert, our collective opinion should really be that DATING SUCKS? Not necessarily the person you 8767 re dating, but rather the ACT of 8775 dating 8776 itself. Why can 8767 t people just meet, and figure out if they enjoy each other 8767 s company without jumping through hoops.

I am an introvert as well and when I am with a group of people I find myself thinking over something that I fail to get an opportunity to say it before they go to a new topic. Many years ago when with a group of friends who were discussing something I finally got to say what I was thinking. Everyone stopped talking and a member of the group said, 8775 Nancy doesn 8767 t always talk alot but when she does it is something very wise. 8776 LOL, what an encouragement that was, and as you can see, I have always remembered that moment.

I admit I m tempted to do this sometimes. Well, when I get overtly sexual messages, I tend to be nastier in my responses, because those dudes suck, and honestly, it makes me feel better. If the guy is nice enough, and is making an effort, I try to respond with a I don t think we d be a good match kind of thing, but as soon as I get pressed on that, I well, sometimes that unleashes the hellbeast. But even in my angriest responses, I make it a point to comment on their behavior, though, never their appearance or anything like that. And nothing even close to what those women said.

The other is these men are actors and/or gregarious. That usually means the life of the party so to speak. Which would give credence to the status part of my original post. Regardless, these player men are confident in picking up women, due to prior success. I highly doubt they would be as confident in picking up women if they have suffered nuclear rejections, like the men I referenced have. The reason they were rejected so harshly, as stated by the women rejecting, was their looks. But that 8767 s what they have told me, they could very well be lying for all I know.

I think the idea of fake confidence is that people will react positively to someone who displays behaviors that often come from confidence. If one who isn t confident apes those behaviors, even if they aren t made more confident, others will react better to that person. The positive reactions from others is what s supposed to build the confidence, not the confidence acting, or at least that s how I understand it.

Yeah, exactly. I don t respond quite often because what would be the point of messaging to say, So sorry, not into you. Kthnxbai, and when I have responded before to guys saying I m not interested, a majority of them responded with threats and terribleness. I don t feel bad when guys say how shitty it is to not get a response because a majority of the time women aren t responding because of the extreme amount of men who threaten and put them down when they do respond. I m sorry, but thinking silence is absolutely terrible is nothing compared to the fact that I ve been told to kill myself and had guys give me a list of all the reasons why I m worthless just because I m not interested.

It might sound like an impossible task, but it 8767 s not, I tell you. Just find that initial spark of self-confidence and let it roll from there. Once you do the exercise once, you will quickly feel like you are King Sunshine and attractive people are all of your loving subject who are happy when you personally address them. And as a bonus, I have been looking more directly at people as I walk down the street, all week long now without as much tension or nervousness. I 8767 m even starting to stare down shady individals who look like they 8767 re being idiots as I walk past them now. Making THEM avert their eyes! BONUS!!!