Posted: 2017-10-13 07:05
Trying to feel 8775 better 8776 becomes a feedback loop. You start feeling guilty for feeling bad in the first place, ad infinitum. The stop to that loop is to turn around and look the bad feeling straight in the face. 8775 Yup, I sure do feel bad. Would ya look at that. 8776 And then sit with it. Don 8767 t TRY to fix it or deal with it or stop it. Just sit with it. and then go, 8775 Okay, time 8767 s up. let 8767 s go do something else. Bad feeling, you 8767 ll have to take care of yourself. I 8767 m moving on. 8776 And then go do something else and just ignore it as much as you can, that is. Some days you have to keep on saying, yup, okay, I hear you. I 8767 ll get back to you in a minute. Some days you have to give it more time to whine than others.
I know it 8767 s very popular on Game sites to claim that women hook up with players, and then when they 8767 re past their prime, they look to a beta provider. This generalization has never struck me as logical or true. For one thing, contemporary women have a lot of earning power they don 8767 t really need to marry a provider. Also, I think many women who make poor choices in their youth keep right on doing that into their 85s. They are drawn to the bad boys, and find beta males unacceptable no gina tingles. Finally, many beta males come into their own nicely by their mid-75s, and suddenly find that they have higher mating value than ever before. Many of the couples I know socially are comprised of men who joke that their wives would have never dated them in high school. They turned into real catches over time, though, and went head to head with alphas to date the most desirable women. These women were not settling they perceived that their mature beta was a total catch.
There are so many things in your post and comments that I disagree that it would be impossible to mention each one of them. Please feel free not to publish this comment if you find it offensive or inappropiate. But I would like you to read it with open mind, because I know you are a good woman, an honest thinker and willing to understand the male point of view instead of dismissing it with some shaming language. You are a leader between women who look for advice in you. You can influence in a good or a bad way the women who read your blog. So you can produce a lot of happinness or misery depending on your advice being good or bad.
I don 8767 t disagree with anything you 8767 ve said. It 8767 s natural for both men and women to seek health and vigor in a mate. It seems to me that in general, you can tell a lot about a person 8767 s prognosis for continued health by observing their habits when they 8767 re A woman who is physically active and eats well in her 75s is unlikely to become obese later she has already internalized healthy behaviors. Conversely, a woman who indulges in smoking, excessive drinking, junk food, etc. is almost certain to age poorly. Observing a person 8767 s general tendency toward impulsiveness is another good way to gauge this.
We''ve all experienced that fear of not being able to make it to the restroom on time. For people turned on by this fetish, sometimes the pressure of having to go starts out as erotic — but if left too long can become painful — and the relief they feel when finally able to let go is palpable. Water sports fetishists amplify these responses in a conscious attempt to increase their pleasure.
I think God cares that we HONOR each other. When Abraham fathered Ishmael with Hagar (something that Hagar had no choice in), and then Sarah got jealous and sent her away, God took care of Hagar, even though it wasn 8767 t exactly His original plan. He didn 8767 t allow Hagar and her son to be treated dishonorably. I also find it telling that, when Abraham died, BOTH Isaac and Ishmael buried him both fulfilled their familial duties, even though Ishmael 8767 s mother was not 8766 officially 8767 married to Abraham.
I can tell you that I do fear commitment. Commitment means that I 8767 ve decided that the woman I 8767 m settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I 8767 ve found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don 8767 t know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy. I think the old adage 8775 Girls mature faster than boys 8776 comes into play here. Commitment is a sign of maturity, and it just takes some of us longer.
OK, let 8767 s clear this up right now. I regret letting Poly Desi and Michael highjack this thread and I apologize to regular readers. This whole weight thing started with Poly. Desi suggesting that men who are unattractive should settle for unattractive women. Chico, I think you 8767 re exactly right when you say that you shouldn 8767 t expect anything from a partner that you are incapable of contributing yourself. If everyone adhered to that standard, I suspect there would be a lot more people getting together.
Sasha, I 8767 m sure you saw my recent post How to Make Sure You Don 8767 t Fall For a Player. Seriously, it 8767 s all about actions, what they do , not what they say. He sounds like he knew how to act like a really good guy up front there 8767 s no way to eliminate the risk, but you can reduce it a lot, and that can give you some security. In addition, be slow to give your heart away. But you 8767 ve already figured that out.
Well Chico, that 8767 s just it. I KNEW he was attracted to women in his area and wanted to see if any of them would be a 8775 better fit 8776 than me, so I told him to go right away but that I would be doing the same of course. He didn 8767 t like the 8775 I would be doing the same 8776 part. You know the old double standard where the man should be allowed to play the field while the good girl waits for him to 8775 come around 8776 . Pfffffffft! Them days are OVER!
As for me, I 8767 m very often curious as to what it 8767 s like to die and very often think that I am burdensome to the world that I should just 8775 do the right thing for the world, making it a better place 8776 by exiting it. Some people would say that I should either because I am this/that/the other thing they don 8767 t personally like or say that 8775 it is RIGHT because it is my right as an invidual 8776 (even though I 8767 m not terminally ill and my issues are psychiatric/emotional). However, I know that it 8767 s the wrong thing to do because, as 8775 worthless 8776 to the world at large as I am, I do have people who care about me whom I would hurt by taking that action. I am aware that I would cause harm.
I agree that 8775 promising not to sleep around 8776 is hardly real commitment. In fact, usually it 8767 s Empty Love, something I don 8767 t recommend for anyone. However, in the framework that I wrote this post around the Triangular Theory of Love, it 8767 s very clear that commitment does not equal marriage, though you 8767 re right that it is not explicitly spelled out. That 8767 s a pretty interesting question actually what do people mean by that term? Does this vary a lot among individuals? The sexes?
Disregarding the other themes he has raised, as an 8775 international 8776 woman from one of those fetishized countries, and as a attractive woman that looks every inch the stereotype, I 8767 m really sick of reading about American men (or men from developed countries), first criticizing American women and then rhapsodizing about some supplicating woman in non-America lands and then have to caveat with 8775 I 8767 m engaged to one of them and its all great! 8776
A true story: A good looking highly educated mother divorces her husband and start working abroad in a well paid job. At a cocktail party at work she meets a handsome guy (attractive, available and non-possessive) in the same profession. They exchange contact info and soon he is her secret lover, coming by when the children have gone to bed and leaving after a couple of hours. Later she meets a less attractive beta provider (who is good new daddy material) and breaks up with her secret lover (who has been seeing other women on and off during the whole affair).
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But everyone has a limit. I don 8767 t see why a guy who runs half marathons and benches well over his weight should have to go for a woman with a 85+ BMI who has trouble climbing the stairs. Not looking for a supermodel, but I am looking for a woman who respects her body to some degree (and this also excludes drug addicts and alcoholics). If fat women want to be desired, they should go for fat men or they should start a regiment of healthy eating and exercise if not for their sex life, then for their health in general. Like it or not, women who let themselves go are taking themselves off the sexual marketplace or severely diminishing their value.
You are exactly right about narcissism and expectations. There really is an epidemic I want to write more about this soon. My own generation is the one that ushered in the ridiculous self-esteem movement, which gave every single kid a roomful of trophies just for showing up. Consequently, praise became meaningless, and ever larger doses were required to keep shoring up 8775 self-esteem. 8776
We knew of a couple who were recently trying to be polyamorous, but, honestly, it seemed like trying to make it okay to have an affair. One partner really wanted to bring in a third, while the other partner pretty much cried and cried and cried about it, and then reluctantly agreed to it only because she felt like she had to. There were kids involved too, to make it even worse. This made us mad. This is not at all what we are or who we are. We felt like it was 655% not okay to force a partner into something like this. We work because we ALL wanted it no coercion, no pressure, no pushing down the needs of one partner to meet the needs of another. To us, it is not loving or respectful to try and make three when one partner only wants two.
I think I learnt this lesson in a harsh way a few yrs back. I had met two European men, one the image of debonair and cool and the other was a science nerd with no looks. In choosing between the two, I decided to date the science nerd because I reasoned he had a 8775 great personality 8776 and his lack of looks would not make him the usual European playa stereotype. In the end, this nerd was stringing on 8 women while the debonair 8775 playa 8776 guy has become a longlife good friend and despite his dashing good looks is a decent guy at heart.
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