Posted: 2017-10-12 15:16
Dating sites don''t work!
One year on Okcupid and no messages or dates.
I am a retired 96 year old caucasian man. Being on a dating site for that long has made me feel very ugly and unwanted. I have read over five hundred profiles and I am very turned off by women now. I don''t find women attractive anymore because of internet dating sites. I will more than likely be single the rest of my life now, Thank you internet dating. I give up!
In a world where your POV is constantly put down . , women and/or minorities in a space which white dudes continue to insist is a meritocracy even as they continue to consistently minimize and exclude us there are * reasons * you sometimes want a little time away from the majority POV that exists in places where your own is continually discounted.
I m just going to call this one out on being straight-up bullshit. Exactly WHERE is Nerdlove getting this from? Are there any studies or articles about this AT ALL besides the recurring 65 Ways Men Have Been Conditioned Into Hating Women -article on that keeps popping up every now and then? I honestly think this is a VERY TOXIC VIEW to hold of men, and it s comparable to assuming that every girl is inherently expecting a guy to sweep her off her feet and give her a pink, diamond-encrusted castle just because she s been exposed to Disney movies and Sex and the City. Why Nerdlove would want to assume that all men are so easily conditioned into behaving like spoiled children on such a low level that if this was true for all other facets of life we would literally not be able to function as human beings is beyond me, but that s what s happening here.
You want to wear clothes that actually fit you. Even if you 8767 re big, wearing clothes that fit properly will flatter your profile and make you look more attractive. Yes, I realize that you 8767 re sensitive to people noticing your stomach or your nech. I realize that baggy clothes seem more comfortable. Trust me: clothes that fit right may feel odd at first but you 8767 ll quickly start to realize how much better it feels when your clothes support you instead of trying to conceal you.
So after contemplating and actually getting balls one day I decided, guess what, I am not going to be the wallflower anymore and I did the asking/approaching. Hell yeah I got rejected more times than I actually remember, but at least I didn t feel as pathetic as I did when I just sat there and did NOTHING. It s quite empowering and the Thanks but no thanks. doesn t sting as much.
If the girl still isn t interested, don t take it too much to heart. There may be some other factors there you don t know about that make you not what she s looking for. Does that make you worthless? Heck no! If you re not what she s looking for, I promise you now she s not what you re looking for. But like I said, use the time for her to make an impression on you. Objectively observe her and get to know what her passions and values are. If you find a dealbreaker when you re not emotionally invested, you can save yourself (and her) a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
Lmfao girls have got it easy stop acting offended by guys sleezy messages you can just delete it and block the person if you want dont take it personally the creeps will be messaging all of the girls the same. then you can use your common sense and intuition to work out who the good guys are. Im a really good looking guy i have been on pof dating site for 7 years and not had one message from any girl i would be even slightly interested in
Not true. We are raised to believe that the pretty and beautiful woman only goes for the hero. We have to earn her through extraordinary acts. And in the modern day we are raised to believe that she may not want us even then. In every one of those stories you read about the homely man getting the good looking woman, he had to go through some kind of adventure for her. Every last one of those stories.
A few years ago I had a profile on okcupid. I uploaded a few decent pictures of myself. I received a lot of views and a decent amount of messages. A year ago I created a new profile on okcupid and uploaded one picture that makes it somewhat more difficult to tell what I look like. This time around I''ve received considerably less profile views and considerably less messages. I have no way of knowing how okcupid may treat my profile due to this difference but I have experienced enough to know that women just like men are swayed by physical appearance.
Not only are we expected to be well-groomed and look good, but we are also expected to be athletic, hit the gym four times a week, be competitive, outgoing, assertive, altruistic, nice to our peers, have a masculine body language, have a sense of fashion, be intelligent, be able to make a woman laugh, overcome approach anxiety, be confident, know how to connect with women, drive a fancy car, have a nice apartment, have a good education and career, have a good social network, have a full schedule with a lot of activities, be a great conversationalist and so forth.
It was actually really interesting. The study showed men consistently rated themselves too highly, went after women right out of their league, got knocked back. Women consistently rated themselves as less attractive than they are, went after men well within their league, fewer knock backs. However, the more attractive men did not mis-rate themselves and did not have this problem. Average men consistently tried to latch onto women they had no realistic chance with.
What are you doing?
Eating cheese and bacon to gain weight. I ve lost two kilos due to stress and feel really crap.
OMG ARE YOU INSANE!!?!? YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!
But I feel so weak and horrible! Also, how the f*ck can you see a two-kilo difference?
ALL WEIGHT LOSS IS GOOD! MUST NOT GAIN WEIGHT! EVER! OR THINK! THINKING MAKES YOU FAT!
I love that DNL addressed external factors I don t think many people are aware of how toxic most things we are exposed to on a daily basis are, from stress to sitting to additives in our food. We are bombarded with a lot, and those of us that are sensitive struggle with it while hardier people seem to handle it fine. But it doesn t mean that we are wrong or lesser than, just different.
For the ladies: this advice is overall good but I highly recommend embracing bold colors and prints, NOT avoiding them. I ve put on a lot of weight over the last four years (which I m finally just starting to get off) and every time I wear a really bold dress I get a million compliments. The more figure-hugging, the better usually I have people say I look like I lost weight when I wear a nice wrap dress or a pencil skirt instead of hiding under baggy clothes like I did for so long. I throw a blazer over almost everything which helps to add structure and make me look together without having to do much. I have a pink blazer that makes people smile, every time I wear it I get compliments from coworkers, strangers on the bus, my cashier at the store, etc. Bold colors/prints indicate happiness and confidence, so don t shy away from them!
Not that your advice is bad, but the studies that showed the truly negative effects of corn syrup (in lab rats) that every one is sighting have yet to be reliably re-produced in observational human studies. The unfortunately complex answer we have to live with right now is that the science seems to say HFCS is bad because it is a sugar and is in everything we eat, we shouldn t let it become a straw man for sugary foods in general until there is sufficient evidence.
We carefully “peruse” the onslaught of “opportunities” (. responses and messages) we receive because WE HAVE TO. Not because we a rude, stuck-up b*tches atop our thrones. Meanwhile, you guys are doing the ole, what is it? Oh yeah – “numbers game.” So – you tell me, men - as you are keen to say, “ if the situation were reversed” – maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t find it quite as glamorous and fun as you are imagining. We women are wading through a sea of what contains everything from – (best case scenario), truly good guys who perhaps don’t articulate themselves as a match on paper - all the way to a plethora of ( worst case scenario) - psychopaths, married men, rapists, pedophiles and just plain old weirdos, etc.
Be selective about which dating agency you use. For example there are some associated with quality newspapers and in UK one associated with a classical music radio channel. Those are not likely to appeal to readers of the tabloid press or aficionados of more popular styles of music so you have some idea what kind of person you''ll meet. There is also a cost range. Low budget sites will attract low budget people.
To clarify - we women aren’t going through our lives thinking, “Poor me, I’m so afraid of men!” Or, “all men are murderers and rapists,” either. It’s just a fact of life that is so absolutely ingrained in us from Day One that it becomes a subconscious part of our DNA. So please, try to remember things beyond your own paradigm. We will do the same for you. ? (At least the “nice, good” and worthwhile of we women will).
Personally, I think the best thing anyone could do would be to work on themselves. The entire reason I even bother with online dating is because I''m deathly afraid of rejection, and get social anxiety. Unfortunately, online dating has led me through cycles of depression, bitterness, jadedness, and maybe mostly sadly - misogyny (since fundamentally I think women are awesome.) But on all levels.. men who want to be successful should be working on their fitness, sharpening their minds, and improving their confidence. Online dating could be a tool for self-improvement, if you let it. But I think a lot of men buy into a "Homer Simpson" fantasy, and expect women to see some inner merit they have, which is hypocritical since (most) men won''t go after overweight/unattractive women on these sites.
You know why men on dating sites are like that? Because after weeks or months of sending deeply thought out, interesting messages to women with shared interests and trying to talk about those interests, only to get completely ignored or get a one line reply and then nothing, most of us realized there''s just no point in wasting time. In fact, I found this article by googling "why do women never want to talk about common interests on dating sites", trying to figure out why this is the case. From all my experience it seems clear to me that all women want are cheap thrills from a hot "bad guy" - nice, interesting guys with common interests don''t tickle their libido so we get ignored.