Posted: 2017-11-14 17:42
There is a reason we have a crisis today, and that is simply because the present system stinks. The checking out ad nauseum, the rule that the boy 8767 s side has to accept the shidduch first, then the girl, the rules about what is considered classy or unclassy (plastic on the tablecloths, or just the tablecloth itself on the table, stacking versus not stacking the dishes as they are removed fromt he table, shoes with laces or no laces).
This practice is not unique to Judaism. When a Texas politician put his hand on the shoulder of Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, who was visiting the USA, it was regarded as a highly improper social faux-pas. It was not because the Prince was the politician''s "better," but because it showed a lack of respect for the prince not only as a visitor, but as the visiting representative of another country. A similar incident took place not long ago in Europe when the American president placed his hands on the shoulders of the lady Chancellor of Germany. This was considered disrespectful towards her, both as the representative of another nation and as an individual.
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Quite apart from the sexual analysis of some commentators, some commentators point out that an individual''s body is personal, and at times to even touch is an intrusion into one''s personal dignity. According to this approach, a man should not touch a woman, nor a woman touch a man, out of respect for the space of each other as individuals—especially individuals of the opposite gender who should reserve a certain level of privacy with respect to each other.
Interested in Learning More on First Dates with Online Dating?
In this article I 8767 ve discussed many of the ways to prepare for your first date but there is far more to discuss than what has been described here. Below is a list of several other articles that I hope would help you as you begin to meet singles with online dating:
Limiting the time of the first date is a safety precaution : if you end up on a nightmare of a date you 8767 ve already established your 8775 out 8776 . If on the other hand the date is going excellent, suggest to your date that you extend it. Your date might remind you of your time constraint ( 8775 But I thought you needed to be home at 8 8776 ). If so, tell the truth. People who are dating online actively will appreciate your planning for a bad date and like the fact that you are saying to them 8775 this is a good date 8776 .
If you would rather not let them in on your planning for the worst-date-scenario, just say that you 8767 d prefer to cancel your previous plans and spend your evening with them. Either way you approach it, they won 8767 t mind if they are having a good time. If they insist you not break your plans you may want to evaluate how well the date is going!
Anonymous, the title of the article was Guest Etiquette. Ms. Braverman was not suggesting that hosts ought to strike off their invitation lists those guests who violate these rules she was saying that considerate guests follow these rules. While a truly saintly host whose sole motivation is hachnassat orchim may re-invite rude and inconsiderate guests despite their boorishness, guests nevertheless have a responsibility to be courteous.
In 6958, Jerusalem inaugurated a new water reservoir, thus assuring the holy city of an adequate water supply for the first time in its 8,555-year history. Jerusalem''s shortage of water was long its weakness in time of military siege. Back in the days of King David, a tunnel had been dug from the Old City to a neighboring valley, to channel water inside the Old City Walls. In modern times, the problem was exacerbated in 6998 when the Arab blockade of Jerusalem left its residents without a water supply.
NC: Is this finding true of the general American population as well?
Dr. S: Not really. In the general population, there is a higher level of divorce among children of divorce. What accounts for the difference? One theory is the valuation of marriage. In the frum community, we value marriage very highly and make it an assumption of the life cycle. Marriage is less valued in the general community (where the marriage rate has been declining in recent years). Another reason may be modeling. Frum life is incredibly social and family-oriented. People tend to go to neighbors and friends for meals and get-togethers on Shabbat. Additionally, when men and women visit other communities or spend the year in Israel, they witness models of marriage that are different than what they might have seen at home. These experiences enable them to see and learn from positive role models.
Etiquette Violation #7: Failure to appreciate that the host and hostess have spent time, money and effort on your behalf. Though the host may try to dismiss it as "I was cooking anyway," the clever guest knows that this is not all true. Hostesses plan for the individual needs of their guests. They plan for the number of guests and types of guests and carefully match personalities. Even if they enjoy entertaining (which I do), that doesn''t make it effortless.
Understanding and Healing Sexually Betrayed Boys and Men
Listen as Dr. Richard Gartner, nationally recognized expert in male sexual abuse draws upon his many books including his two new edited books, Understanding the Sexual Betrayal of Boys and Men:The Trauma of Sexual Abuse AND Healing Sexually Betrayed Men and Boys: Treatment for Sexual Abuse, Assault, and Trauma (in press) to invite understanding and healing of sexually betrayed man and boys.
The issue that seems to have caused the most discussion is whether there is an exception to the prohibition in a business situation. Some commentators take the position that where shaking hands is in a business context, and is clearly a non-affectionate contact, it is permissible under Jewish law ( Наlасhаh ). The Office of Career Services at Yeshiva University, which is considered Modern Orthodox, takes this position as part of the interview process for its students applying for jobs after graduation. Haredim and Hassidic commentators do not agree.
Another reason to delay would be if the person you are communicating with has expressed extreme reservations about meeting people from the internet. I once talked to a woman for two months before we met. She was very nice and we got along well so I was willing to communicate but let her know I 8767 d be talking to others while she gained comfort. This reason is acceptable, especially considering the hassle that some women end up going through when dating online.
NC: Can you share other findings that emerged from the data?
Dr. S: Data tells us the story of the good, the bad and the ugly. Though the overall divorce rate is only around 65 percent, sadly, the level of contentious divorce in the Orthodox Jewish community is quite high. Fifty-seven percent of the sample reported that their divorce was highly contentious or acrimonious. While we have not compared this to the general population, the numbers on their own are concerning.
MyLife: Chassidus Applied is a series of video webcasts answering questions from the public, with the objective of demonstrating how Chassidus provides us with a comprehensive blueprint of the human psyche as a microcosm of the cosmos, and offers us all the guidance we need to live the healthiest possible life and build nurturing homes and families, bringing up the healthiest possible children, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.
So one of my goals, which we have already begun working on, is to create and disseminate real data based on methodical and trustworthy research in the Orthodox community. We are not interested in ivory tower, picayune research. We are interested in research that has an application to the real world. The point is to use data to help inform policy, decision-making and real life. It’s really a revolution. A revolution in how we make decisions.
These findings are very, very significant. They mean that childhood experience of abuse is a significant risk factor for later marriage outcomes and must be addressed as early as possible. It is important for rabbis, clinicians, chatan/kallah teachers as well as the daters themselves and their parents to know that abuse is a risk factor in marital dysfunction —this is true most dramatically of sexual abuse. This is not to say that abuse victims cannot have wonderful, loving marriages. It just means there’s an increased risk that needs to be addressed prior to and during marriage.
I commend Mrs. Braverman on another wonderful article. As a person who often hosts guests I have a few more points to add. In my community, we have a growing number of singles. We have found a tendency among them to be wary to commit to invitations. For instance, if I call on Sunday to invite someone for the following Friday night he or she may say, "I''m not sure." When I ask them if they have other tentative plans they''ll say no. This always leads me to wonder if they''re waiting for a better offer. Also, there is a tendency among many of them to call on Thursday to ask if they can come. As Mrs. Braverman wrote, planning, shopping and cooking takes time. By Thursday night, much of my cooking is done. We love when people invite themselves but we prefer if they do it by Wednesday, at the latest. Another point about saying "thank you " even if a person brings a gift, it''s always appropriate to say thank you when leaving.
On my first date with my wife, I schedule a one hour date at a diner. After the hour was over, I explained that I only extend the good dates and since ours was a great date asked if she would be up for miniature golf (she was). In contrast, many times the dates ended with coffee or lunch. This approach is a cousin to the having-your-friend-call-you-and-faking-an-emergency act that some people think is so slick. I think planning ahead and bowing out gracefully is a much classier approach.