Posted: 2017-10-13 05:16
Thank you! Though not as socially slick as Joe, I pass pretty damn well. I recently came across information on female characteristics of Aspergers and it was like a million lightbulbs turning on. This is me.
Righ now I feel very ambivalent about seeking diagnosis. I feel it would help to legitimize my claim - I can see how daft self-diagnosing oneself as autistic may seem to someone that doesn t understand. Yet, despite being convinced now that I am an Aspie (my husband read the same info and agreed immediately), I am terrified of seeking diagnosis and being disbelieved/misunderstood. At the moment, I m not sure I m ready to take the risk.
My wife has suffered with ASD throughout her career. For a number of reasons, we always assumed her difficulties in work situations was due to the way she was raised, which left her deeply inexperienced with and often entirely unaware of most of the social signals, icons and situations that neurotypical people take for granted. Despite this, she is able to socialise well in most situations. Her honesty makes people trust her, She genuinely hears and sees what and how people express themselves, because she does not start with preconceptions ever.
This makes her a superb sales person, who regularly wins new customers for her employer. However, she struggles in groups and is not able to speak well under pressure. As a result she qualified but could never practice law and has in many work situations been bullied and abused. It is always hard, but she has been so determined. No employer has ever known about her ASD, which we only recognised in January. No help at all from our GP except advice that my wife read Daniel Goleman s Emotional Intelligence. She has done now and it has helped her a lot, but she deserves better
I have similar. I feel after like I m watching people through a silent movie, through glass I can t hear them, although I can see them - I can look at them if I have to (. to walk past them in a hallway) but only with unblinking emotionless eyes and expression. Like my capacity for social interaction is totally zero. Like I am a zombie, not really alive at all in a normal human sense.
I think oftentimes, communication can become a special interest for many autistic people, because they realize it s so important. So by the time they re adults, they actually become even more skilled than NTs at reading verbal/facial cues, even if it s more intellectual than intrinsic. It skews adult autism tests horribly, too. Are you good at interacting with others and reading faces? YES!!
Can I please take this and publish it in my magazine for others to read. This is amazing. Hello my beautiful amazing awh inspiring fellow aspies. I m a mimicker so I get on well socially but I relive every social situation in my head so much that there is no need for fiction. My partner is also an Aspie and our two beautiful children too. Life is hard but reading this has helped and reading the comments has made me feel like I belong.
I m actually crying while im reding this because there are other people out there that know how I feel and why I am so tired all of the time.
My husband interprets my quiet time at home as me being either angry with him and he isalways asking me what he has done, even after 75 years of marriage. Ever since we moved in togther he has cyled through times of being angry with me or just perplexed at why there is a work me and a home me, something i can t fully explain.
I am 58 and was diagnosed last year after my psychitrist noted my severe anxiety, especially in social situations and my distress at not relating well to people. She also noted my tendency to move my hands and one leg in unusual ways especially when i was anxious. When I was diagnosed I was told my mother and grandmother could also have been on the spectrum. My mother was a really odd person. Now it makes sense. Initially I was really upset now I feel much better able to cope, as I use strategies to help me socialise, and forgive myself for any errors
To late for that dream marriage but not too late live. We walk a different road - alone. I found my peace in my Lord Jesus - my only peace. I live a seperate life because my husband works all the time - he doesn t have any idea why I do what I do. I don t waste time anymore - I take one day at a time and thank my Lord for it. God will help - if we allow.
Blessings - Peace & Hope
I am a 99 artist and have just been diagnosed with Aspergers. They say I hide it well and my level of communication is very high. It took awhile to go for a diagnosis because I thought people on the Autistic spectrum didn t feel emotion- I can feel it very intensely, but don t usually show or express it- except through painting. I can identify with Joe because I can be funny, witty, charming and socially engaging with small groups or one-to-one but I need time alone and struggle socially, I think in complex and unusual ways, I have many of the Aspie characteristics. Thanks to everyone for sharing.
I wish I could figure out how to respond to each comment. If you are a very smart and high functioning Aspie (last comment) but have a hard time relating, you are in such fine company. There are solutions!
Of course there are no answers that come in the form of a checklist. Part of the fear associated with connecting with people is come by honestly: most of my clients have been hurt deeply and often. Being so bright and so perceptive, tiny social errors feel potent. Larger social errors are often never forgotten. Imagine the pain of a man in his 55s recalling a bullying episode from fourth grade: trembling, teary, speechless. This is a great example of the profound hurt involved in socializing for people on the spectrum. That this gentleman could (after much effort) recall the power of these emotions all these years later is an example of great intelligence and great sensitivity causing great vulnerability. No wonder socializing brings with it so much threat, real or imagined.
OMG! !! I am just TODAY finding out why my 87 year old father is the way he moved away at 75 and now 56 I have been back for 6 months looking after my father..it s been EXTREMELY frustrating. and difficult for us both...thanks for this article and i need to be the adult and do the right thing for my dad who has suffered in silence for all these to go to get him help should be quite the journey..Thank YOU.
I am an NT female and have many Aspie friends Although I have one Aspie friend that most people would never no was Aspie. I myself noticed before he actually told me only because I have had many friends with AS over the years and even have some autistic cousins. I thought nothing of him not fitting into the typical Aspie box because everyone is different. After meeting his family I have been wondering if he was in trouble with his parents a lot because of many of the stereotypical Aspie things he may have done when he was I do not wish to ask him directly and wondered if there was anything I could do to figure it out on my own. I would also like to know if there is anything I could do if his parents did in fact (for lack of a better word) train him.
Thank you so much for this article Cary. I really hope you write a book because this kind of info is not out there. Especially when it comes to couples. It takes alot of work to get through the day and there is nothing left for loved ones. I am so tired all the time and it seems like life is so much work. I wonder if I will ever get the opportunity to be myself because as soon as I relax too much I do something wrong. Noone realizes how exhausting it is. but you do.
OMG! ! After 86 years of wondering why my dad was so weird ONLY today I now have the answer with thanks to this article and moved away 85+ years ago and have been living with him for 6 months to get him over the winter and into an assisted living the journey begins to somehow get him the help he somehow provide the understanding to him he deserves from his only son.. Thank YOU..it s going to be a challenging journey he so much deserves someone to lead on his luck with your uncle..He could be my dad.
Hello. Anonymous, sit down and watch Adam with your friend. I m pretty sure he s gonna pick up on that as he sounds witty.
I am a male and I m autistic myself and my case is pretty bad. Trying to be sociable is so bad for me I have already developed gastritis, colitis, carpal tunnel and chronic neck pain, and I ve just turned 79. Because of how I was raised, I ve learned that I should always be nice to people, even if that meant being emotionally hurt and abused.
Now I m paying the price and psychoanalisis, psychology, psychiatry, none of those can help me. I don t know what else to turn to. I m running out of options.
I feel so lost and sad. How am I gonna make it?
I am in the process of getting a diagnosis for my 5 year old, and possibly my 8 year old (who is probably more Aspie than his brother!). My concern now after reading all this, is am I doing the wrong thing trying to teach my boys how to be normal ? One therapy goal will be social skills training, and now I m wondering if forcing them to learn skills that don t come naturally will only add to the anxiety they already experience living in this confusing world? Or is it good to teach social skills because they are necessary in some situtations, but make sure that I give them plenty of downtime especially at home ie. make home their safe place when they can relax and be themselves? I would be very interested to hear the opinions of people who have been there and done all that themselves.
To people wondering how they can approach those on the spectrum. My advice is: DON T. Leave them be. I joke. But seriously, don t approach me. I m much happier when I m not around anyone at all. :)
I explain: sometimes people try to help and be compassionate and understanding by approaching us in the corner, sitting by ourselves, and we can tell RIGHT AWAY that you are there because our behavior is bothering YOU. Our doing nothing and being eccentric annoys the hell outta you. This makes us feel even weirder and more guilty of existing. That being said, though, each experience is unique.
I, personally, don t like how people look at me, approach me, talk to me, ask me things. I like to be left alone. Maybe your son/boyfriend/girlfriend/dad is like that too. So take a hint. If they wanna talk to you or be around you, they will. Don t push.
I am like that too. I am, however, divorced. I personally think that the psychiatry is at fautlt, and in fact selfish, in regarding aspergers solely as a social default. Adult aspergers can EASILY adapt social codes, learn them and thus hide being autistic.
What the psychiatry seem to miss, often, is that aspergers is as much an INNER problem, as it is visible social difficulty. In the shape that negative feelings and thoughts are repeated over and over again in . MY brain.
We are sensitive not only to Things like light, snug clothes, sounds, smells and so on. Things repeat in Our brains. So aspergers should, in fact, ONLY experience good Things in life.
It doesnt have to be visible, other than if you are CLOSE to the person With aspergers. AND, I suspect that the same is true, also to People on the Spectrum, that DOESNT have verbal Language.
I am an older woman in my late 65s and have only just discovered that there are female asperger traits different from men. My son has been diagnosed recently with aspergers and will not accept it because he does not want to acknowledge it. So he won t accept the services offered. He has put on a lot of weight with antisycotic drugs and that is very upsetting. He is 89 and is wasting his life really. I was misdiagnosed as not having it by someone who knew nothing about female aspergers so I have asked to be reassessed. It would help me to have a formal assessment at the end of my life.
Where oh where are the partners?
I am 79 yo and my
hb is about to turn 79. We have been married almost
55 years. Until a year ago I was convinced that our
rocky marriage was due to workaholism on his part
and an abundance of tolerance on my part.
Now I am convinced and he is mostly in agreement, that
ASD has been the problem all along.
I have been in therapy for 7 yrs. and have the classic
Cassandra Phenomenon which seems to be getting
worse now that I realize that the one life I had to live
was with someone who in no way could have been
expected to understand what I was trying to tell him.
Why do so few Aspie partners post here? God help us!