Posted: 2017-12-08 01:15
Well, then, let s play this out to a logical conclusion. I am closer to 95 than you are. I don t have a boyfriend. Not even the glimmer of one on the horizon. In fact, I ve been assured by many corners of the Male Internet that I will never have one, due to my looks (which as you have pointed out, are of utmost importance.) Guys my age won t date me, because they think like you.
Who expressed that notion? Changing your attitude isn t saying just cheer up , it s about changing your thinking so you view and approach events in your life in a more positive way, which allows you to be more happy. How bad you feel when something sad happens can depend a lot on whether you re thinking, Oh my god this is the most horrible thing ever, why is my life so awful? vs. That s horrible, and I m sad now, but at least I can turn to X for comfort, or whatever. Just as how happy you feel when something good happens depends a lot on whether you re thinking, Oh crap, this is good, which means any second now I m going to blow it, because nothing ever works out for me vs. Wow, this is awesome, let me celebrate!
Sometimes. It can be a purely cultural issue, though. A lot of people have children in their early 75s where I live, and most of them will use birth control or get sterilized after the second or third child. Their picture of their 75s always involved married couples having small children, and that s when their friends started having kids for the most part. People who waited longer were the odd people out, so there weren t a lot of social reasons to delay things, and most people s professional ambitions were on track by then as well.
I adored museums of all sorts when I was a child and a teenager, and I was always a good traveler. But I m not really sure that s a difference in parenting. Sometimes I think kids just have their own personalities and tastes sometimes ones that match up well with the parents and sometimes ones that don t. I think that from an ethical point of view, people should at least be prepared to deal with the prospect of getting a kid who s very different from them and who s not necessarily going to be on board with whatever adventures they have in mind.
As to other people making an effort to convince you to go out with them again If they aren t that interested in you, then why would they? The problem isn t that you re meeting inconsiderate people, it s that you re meeting people who aren t that into you. Which I agree is frustrating. But I think across all the time you ve been talking about this, people have given you lots of suggestions and you ve basically tossed out every one, so I m not sure what you expect us to tell you now.
And if you now want to think that all that time with your girlfriend sucked even though you felt content at the time, I guess that s your prerogative. Most people recognize that their life had some good parts even if things aren t great right now, and remembering the good parts is what gives them hope that they can have good things again in the future. I would venture to say that a life where you never felt content with a girlfriend at all would be a much worse life to have lived than one where you did, all other things being equal. If you re going to be totally existential about it, in a hundred years you ll no longer be around to feel lonely or content, so I guess your loneliness right now shouldn t matter, because it won t then. So what ll be the difference if it used to suck?
In times like these, it 8767 s worth getting a second opinion. The problem comes, of course, in knowing who to go to. It doesn 8767 t do you any good if you consult with friends or peers who only provide ass-pats and ego boosts. In fact, looking in the wrong places can give the wrong advice entirely the Internet is full of echo-chambers 8 of aggrieved men who insist that the problem is that women are status-seeking hypergamous bitches or that women have an obligation to consider men they don 8767 t like.
For one thing, I d cut the particularly poisonous people out of your life. Anyone who looks down on you like that and is judging you and wearing you down, I have trouble believing they re contributing enough good alongside it to make staying friends with them worthwhile. Don t hang out with them in person if you think it d create drama to unfriend them online, just surreptitiously block them on FB or whatever. Surround yourself by the most supportive people you can.
One of the first things that you have to realize is that there isn 8767 t an expiration date on romance some nebulous point in time that, if crossed, renders you unlovable and condemns you to die alone, unmourned and unloved. The constant feeling that time is running out is cultural we put an inordinate value on 8775 youth 8776 . Every day, pop culture bombards us with stories of 8775 love 8776 , beautiful people finding their One True Love in high-school or their early 75s. One of the most beloved love stories in the Western canon is about a pair of 68 year olds , for fuck 8767 s sake.
Tomorrow I am buying very expensive knit fabric to try a project I have been dreaming about for over a year. It is barely an exaggeration to say it was *the thing* that got me into sewing. It s an incredibly demanding pattern, something I have never attempted before. I am nervous I will screw it up, because I will probably ruin the fabric or that it won t turn out as nicely as I want. I have some control over this project, but not so much control I can guarantee it will go perfect.
I get it. I don t know, I guess I want to have a partner for more than just reproduction. I want time with just them for a while before kids start taking over our lives. Honestly, I don t even know if I want kids at all. The prospect of just being with a partner and being in love and spending our lives together is enough for me. Also, the career change I am undertaking is going to take me 8+ years by the time I would have more disposable income and time. So, if I meet someone by then, I would like to spend that time and money with that person. Again, this is just how I feel. I don t see kids as a requirement for me.
I often feel weird on this blog going around espousing more positive attitudes all the time, because I m like you, I don t really get on particularly with people who have that constantly cheery attitude but at the same time, I can see there s a third option between that and relentless, hopeless cynicism. That third option is something I struggle to express in a way that doesn t just read as the constantly cheery thing to people who lean more towards cynicism (or as cynicism to people who are constantly cheery I m always contrary!), and I think you ve got it pinned down here.
Um, but maybe you don t want them right now because you already have them right now? Because if you were unable to lose weight, had no regular social activities, were bottom of the school rankings, and getting solid F s all semester, something tells me that you would be including that in your list of stuff that is wrong with your life, and yet another example of why it is hopeless to try.
But the fact that men hire escorts way more than women proves that they have a harder time getting sex than women, as if they could get sex as easily as women they would hire escorts as often as women. And I like how Lee was implicitly insulted- as he clearly is not good enough for any woman he might as well spend a small fortune to get a similar facsimile from an escort Only when he has further bettered himself into some sort of superstar should he even bother trying the dating scene and if he thinks otherwise to many in this board he is a chauvinist pig worse than Hitler.
Don 8767 t get me wrong: having standards is inherently a good thing. However, you can also have standards that are too high and too exacting. The more specific and stringent your standards are, the harder it will be to find someone who meets all of them. In fact, it 8767 s entirely possible to price yourself right out of the dating market, metaphorically speaking. It 8767 s good to want someone who 8767 s, say, cultured, intelligent, ambitious and if the only person that you 8767 re willing to accept is a PhD candidate in political science who also sings bel canto opera and speaks fluent Elvish well, they might be out there but you 8767 re going to be looking for a needle in a haystack made of other needles.
Part of the point of this article is that it s still possible to find love when you re older, and especially when you re older and a woman (there are lots of happy stories about nerddudes getting over their issues and finding sex or love or both on this site, so it s nice to read one about a woman for a change). That s message that contradicts popular culture and that I think many people need to hear. I think you can tell stories about people who do that without contradicting the message that you can build a happy life for yourself in the absence of a partner. There s room for stories about people who build happy single lives and just enjoy them and people who build happy single lives and then eventually add romantic love to the picture.
As someone with kids, I m coming to terms with the reality that nearly everyone who doesn t have kids feels the same way you do. I don t really see much point in asking anyone out unless they also have kids. The other problem is that I m old enough that some people my age with kids already have empty nests, and they re available for honeymoon periods now, whereas I put off having kids for a long time, and it s going to be a long time before I m in that situation again.
Also, I have a hard time thinking of anything that s fine for a 77-year-old but not for a 97-year-old. If you want to do something and it is legal, ethical, and feasible for you to do so then do it! I still read books written for children or teenagers, and I haven t been one in years. I ve seen people with gray hair riding roller coasters. My mom got remarried in her late 55s, and she was every bit as twitterpated as a college student when she and her husband started dating. Life doesn t have to be (and shouldn t be) all downhill past 85.
., Looking at the future, a positive statement would be, We have lots of time for better things to come! a neutral statement would be, Who knows what the future will bring, we ll have to wait and see, and a negative statement would be, There are so many horrible things that could happen. All of those statements are true. Someone who continually says things along the lines of the latter is talking in a negative way nonetheless.
I do absolutely think that attitude affects the outcome of events. More specifically, it affects our reaction and recollection of events. When I make a mistake, and I mean a really big mistake, I view it as a learning opportunity. It s not a painful memory, but an instance where I was less than what I want to be. If it s something I ve already fixed, it s an example of how much better I am today. And if it s something where I haven t had the opportunity to be better, then I look at it just like that an opportunity. I ve known less positively-inclined people to have less positive attitudes towards mistakes. They heap loads of (usually a mix between undeserved and deserved) blame upon themselves, and shut down to a degree. When faced with the instance to be better, they spend too much time thinking about past failure, and they often then repeat the mistakes.