Posted: 2017-11-14 17:13
My second example would be me on an online dating site. I see a guy or two that i like, and realize that people are viewing my profile but none of them that i 8767 m interested in are biting back. This site had a chat, i go in there out of boredom and ask others are they having luck. This one guy tells me that I need to go maybe look for a guy in the 8775 GYM 8776 . Now me being me, and getting the stuff that i 8767 ve gotten about my weight I knew where he was going with this. He begins to go into a whole story about how my weight is killing my chances, and he wasn 8767 t nice about it. He proceeded to tell me that i looked sloppy, that I looked like a cow, and thats why he 8767 d personally never date me. So of course I wasn 8767 t even hurt because at 76 I 8767 ve heard it all not to mention this man has pictures of his skirtless, pasty, holding a guitar with his dog in the background of a dark empty apartment. In my mind he has no reason to talk about me. Especially when i look at my pictures and i 8767 m out with friends, i 8767 m smiling, i 8767 m out in international spots, and I looked happy.
I lost about 65 pounds and now I am a hour glass shaped, size 65, 5 8767 7, 655 been two years and I still haven 8767 t gained the weight back..but guess what?
I still feel 8766 too big 8767 like im part of a niche group that only guys like my boyfriend who like 8766 thick 8767 girls are into (luckily I met him before I even tried online dating, I admit, I would be too cowardly to do online dating ever again).
Online dating isn 8767 t really the best way to meet people when you don 8767 t fit that sterotypical ideal of American beauty it 8767 s too easy to arbitrarily dismiss someone based on physical characteristics alone.
You should really do it for yourself..because otherwise it isn 8767 t worth it. I am constantly, vigilantly, monitoring my food intake etc to keep the weight off. I literally weigh myself everyday to make sure I 8767 m not gaining, and if I am, I get back on track immediately. So to put yourself under this constant scrutiny, probably for the rest of your life, is a lot to sacrifice for a romantic partner, and honestly..I love my boyfriend..but I don 8767 t think I would do this for any man..
I have literally never been in a situation where I liked two people equally and it came down to something like well, who has better abs? or who has more money? or which apartment do I like more? Nor do I know anyone who has, male or female. Rarely does dating work like that. I distinctly remember several occasions where I choose someone who was less close to my physical ideal because I was more attracted to him, and it wasn t like gee whiz, his personality is just so great. It was like I am just plain and simple incredibly attracted to this person and what might have been less attractive on another person is just fucking hot on him. Perhaps I am naive to think that the reverse must be true, that men also have those feelings about women, that someone probably had that situation with me.
Wow Rusty I agree with you on the last part of your comment. But this may be hard for you to understand, this person was just pointing out women 8767 s shallowness since women are always accusing men of being shallow. But all good men will eventually find someone. He probably already has. He was simply making a point and I doubt that you are intelligent enough to comprehend. Now I have always suggested short men broaden their horizon and look at non American women. There are some countries where height is not as much of an issue and in some countries height is not an issue at all. Just one month after saying to hell with American women and started looking else where I found the person I am with now. I am tempted to not advise anybody to even deal with an American woman after my very positive experience with different women overseas, but we should not just simply boycott American women because there are a few good ones out there who are not obsessed with height. yes, it will take a long long time, you just have to find them.
I don 8767 t think that was what he meant. It was nothing complicated, it sounded like he was a man who felt bad because he thinks women can be shallow, too. I can 8767 t speak for all women, but I personally have a wide range in what I 8767 d find attractive in men. I happen to be married to a man who physically is tall and lean, but I find, for example, short and pudgy men just as attractive as well, especially if they are funny, have nice eyes, smile, and a general good personality. Women, though, can be more likely to have the ideal man as being tall, broad shouldered, kind of a V-shaped torso, long legs, sculpted abs, etc. Personally I never cared about that, but it seems this poster feels rejected because he thinks the girls he knows only go for that. But it isn 8767 t really true, just like the fact that women who have a few extra pounds (without being to the point of obese) have a decent pool of men who find them attractive.
That being said, we can complain all day, but eventually we have to seek solutions. I think what is necessary is a re-education towards empathy not in the sentimental sense, but in that endeavor to see people as people first, and not what society tells us we should think of them. Also can we please abandon the notion that we need to find somebody to punish for what society tell us is wrong with us. One of the biggest problems I 8767 ve had being a big dude is the penchant it seemed people had for reducing me to a requisite amount of misery based solely on my size. It was like I was committing a crime just having the audacity to be fat and happy with myself. I think resolution may be an arduous task. We 8767 re gonna have to deal with some deep-rooted issues in the process, but I think it 8767 s a task worth undertaking.
Side comment: Before the 75th century, the vast majority of the population always had to expend much more physical energy just to feed themselves, consequently we 8767 re not going to see much fat among them. Fatness and obesity have never been as prevalent as they are in current times. I saw a photo some time ago of a guy who was the circus fat man in 6886 or so. He was said to be 6-7 and 858#, doesn 8767 t seem like a big deal now, but it was then. Such a big deal then he could make a living just on his size. Today he 8767 d have to earn a living doing something else as men over 855# are a dime a dozen now and we can say something similar about women over some big girl threshold.
For the ladies: this advice is overall good but I highly recommend embracing bold colors and prints, NOT avoiding them. I ve put on a lot of weight over the last four years (which I m finally just starting to get off) and every time I wear a really bold dress I get a million compliments. The more figure-hugging, the better usually I have people say I look like I lost weight when I wear a nice wrap dress or a pencil skirt instead of hiding under baggy clothes like I did for so long. I throw a blazer over almost everything which helps to add structure and make me look together without having to do much. I have a pink blazer that makes people smile, every time I wear it I get compliments from coworkers, strangers on the bus, my cashier at the store, etc. Bold colors/prints indicate happiness and confidence, so don t shy away from them!
While I was in the Navy, I saw several couples break up for this reason. In every case, the man had married a girl that was quite pretty. They were from fairly isolated areas like very small towns in Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, etc They joined the Navy, and after a short period, brought their wife to live with them in San Diego. Well welcome to the big city where beautiful people are everywhere. Suddenly these girls see guys that are very good looking, also noticing them. Never failed these women would start to date some hunky guy while we were at sea for 6 months. And the Dear John letter followed.
You want fitted shirts rather than simple box-cuts these will fit your build better instead of looking baggy and shapeless. Whenever possible, you also want a spread collar a narrow collar will just emphasize the width of your face. Similarly, you want straight-leg jeans instead of relaxed fit and everybody wants flat-front slacks. Whenever possible, you want thinner materials cashmere sweaters in the cold are much better suited for the larger gent rather than a chunky cardigan. Jackets especially dark wash denim or sport coats can help provide shape and definition. Opt for three-button blazers they lengthen your silhouette nicely and avoid pulling at your clothes. Vests are also a good idea the V shape flatters your torso and draws attention to your chest instead of your neck or midsection, plus add a bit of natty stylishness it 8767 s hard to call someone sloppy when they 8767 re wearing a sharp vest.
Contrast this with the assumption that a single immutable factor (let s say having blue eyes as an example) can render someone unfuckable. If I want to have sex with someone but I have blue eyes, then this assumption lends itself to not bothering. Thus, by making that assumption, I logically follow a course of action that does not help me to achieve my goal. Therefore, this is not a safe assumption.
My mother 8767 s father was a short man. He was the opposite of my other grandfather. He did have a Napoleon complex. He was angry at the world for how he was treated, but what he didn 8767 t realize was that the everyone, even big people have their crosses to bear. He allowed his experience to make him bitter and an alcoholic. He chose to get in my other grandfather 8767 s face, so after repeated warnings that were ignored, my paternal grandfather picked him up by his collar, put him against the wall and told him that if he didn 8767 t stay out of his face, he was going to hurt him. This was before my dad met my mom. It did affect my mom and dad, but didn 8767 t stop them from getting married, obviously. My mom 8767 s mom was a very beautiful woman. And I am not just saying that because she was my grandmother. My mom was a good looking woman, her sister was voted sexiest in her class in a large high school in Columbus Ohio. My grandmother was the type of older woman who attracted men less than half her age when she was out by herself. She was model good looking with naturally platinum blond hair.
Perhaps I am missing the point, miss, but that is why I asked several I think I asked some rather fair ones. I am not sure even if you attempted to answer my questions I am sure though that you feel I missed the point. Fine. That is cool too. I will pose them elsewhere to women in my life who have the time to consider what I am asking knowing that is comes from a good place. Thanks for taking the time to respond and for the lessons on my soul. Good luck out here.
Ideally, you want to eat as clean as possible that is, you want to avoid high-fructose corn syrup (which is, admittedly, difficult as hell) and all processed food and beverages, including diet sodas my own personal vice. You also want to avoid simple and refined carbohydrates as much as possible this includes white flour and sugar while ensuring that your diet is heavy on green leafy vegetables, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates.
Because there s not necessarily someone out there for you in your least appealing version of yourself. There are women who like your body type. There are women who don t mind dating men who are unemployed. There are women who don t mind dating sloppy, badly-dressed men. There are women who are fine dating guys who have confidence issues. There are women who have no objection to dating a virgin.
I 8767 m a 69/66 and I 8767 m trying to lose weight myself. I don 8767 t want to be skinny (my ideal weight is a size 67), but I 8767 m not happy with the size I 8767 m at now. But I don 8767 t think weight has been an issue with my dating I think it 8767 s because I 8767 m a nontraditional, forward-thinking woman who 8767 s assertive in my career and personal goals and not trying to conform to society 8767 s expectations. That both attracts and scares the SHIT out of most men, and I think that would be the case even if I had Serena Williams 8767 body.
While I always love CFC- this one is particularly fantastic, honest and timely. The first time I ever went to weight watchers was during my MA in feminist studies and every day I had these philosophical discussions with myself. While I wasn 8767 t trying to get a date, I was trying to sort out what it meant to be feminist and concerned about weight (not only the health stuff, but the how-hot-these-jeans-look too) I 8767 d lose a little, and then get pissed off about the disgusting male attention I would get. I 8767 d put the Fat Suit back on, quick. This has gone on for years- and your writing is real enough to make me re-visit my own demons.
I love fat guy humour. Fat guy here, sarcastic remarks are one of our major strengths. A fat guy who can t crack wise is like a Newfie who can t get on the pogey [guess what else I am]. Hell if a feller can t make fun of himself I figure he is just a defensive schmuck. I ve known people like that who if you poke the slightest bit of fun at them get their backs up about it. They can dish but they can t take. That my friends shows a lack of confidence. I joke, it would be horrid to exclude myself from the target range.
Though I am queer, i really relate to this article. I feel like i have to remind people that i am not a mother and i am not interested in being anyone grown or that i am sexing 8767 s mother. I have come to realize a very similar feeling, and it broke my heart a little too. But that 8767 s ok, sometimes being real aint pretty, perfect, or painless. Thanks so much sis for sharing this. I got some stuff to do!
I love it. Unfortunately its the truth. Thanks for the honesty. Been there done that and the truth is..the weight does subconsciously dim your light not because you arent outgoing and social..but because that fear of rejection due to weight occupies that tiny little space in your mind on a fulltime even though that type of rejection doesmt force you into retreat it never feels good and you never forget that