Posted: 2017-11-07 10:24
But for a Transsexual woman who has corrected her condition and simply identifies as 8775 a woman 8776 , the idea of being desired specifically because she was born with a condition (one so painful it drives people to suicide) that happens to be some guy 8767 s 8775 kink 8776 , is pretty repulsive. It 8767 s the reason such men have acquired the label of 8775 chasers. 8776 Such men are not some special type of noble creature with a unique open-mindedness. They 8767 re just aroused/intrigued by the idea of mixed body parts, sexual incongruence, or sexual ambiguity something most Transsexual women struggle with, and many have sacrificed everything to overcome. Or, at least that 8767 s what they did before society started to say it 8767 s 8775 okay 8776 to be 8775 a transsexual. 8776
It is rare for an openly trans woman no matter how 8775 passable 8776 or attractive she is to have a man who openly loves her, who has an unabashed desire to be seen with her, who proudly stands beside her despite the stigma and other people 8767 s curiosities and inappropriate questions. Those questions regarding Aaron 8767 s sexuality are constant and fraught with assumptions that this essay can 8767 t begin to unpack, and for a man less secure it can be difficult navigating these questions, especially if you also perceive the women you 8767 re attracted to as shameful, as less-than-human objects you must keep secret at all costs.
Unfortunately, our society has not evolved enough for gender distinctions not to matter, everything takes time maybe in a few generations, but until then be comfortable with who you are and who you choose to love if you can if you can 8767 t and someone wants to rendezvous with you clandestinely and you acquiesce, don 8767 t be angry or ashamed or disappointed in them be angry or ashamed or disappointed in yourself.
Thank you for posting this wonderful article. It really gives me strength, i actually just share this on my timeline so that people would able to read this and realize that yeah we trans women are worthy to be seen in public with man that were no difference from a woman they seem to know well.
8775 We are not secrets. We are not shameful. We are worthy of respect, desire, and love. As there are many kinds of women, there are many kinds of men, and many men desire many kinds of women, trans women are amongst these women. And let’s be clear: Trans women are women 8776 I LOVE THIS!
As a mother of a 78 year old son that is dating a trans women, I am doing my best to be accepting and understanding. I will be honest and say at first I didn 8767 t understand any of this. I never knew anyone that was transgender and didn 8767 t understand anything about this. It was after I met her and heard her story of her horrific life and how she 8767 d been treated by her own parents, people she thought were her friends and strangers, that I realized in my heart I didn 8767 t want to be one of those people. I strive to try to help undo some of terribleness that her life had become and to be a friend and ally. Being Roman Catholic people ask me how I can accept this. Catholics are called to love everyone. Period. Love as Jesus did, unconditionally. I wish that others would see that people are people regardless of anything else.
I 8767 m a hetero male and agree with everything you have said. After living in many parts of the world and observing all sorts of cultures, I can cofidently say that, human beings (in general) resist to learn and appreciate what 8767 s out of their personal norms. Although the risks posed to transgender ladies by the communities that they live in are greater and incomparable to the challanges faced by people who have opposing views to their community, I really understand the challanges you have to go through. It 8767 s sad to see that, even in this age, mankind refuses to see more than skin deep and regard others as another human being above all.
I am confused by your comment Janie B. Do you believe this a moral issue, your cousin not disclosing that she was unable to have children. What moral code requires women to announce that they are capable of bearing children. And what makes women who are infertile natural born women. What about women who have a congenital heart defect are they real women or are women supposed to be perfect specimens. What about women who were born with a male brain, are they natural born women, or is this in the end a moral judgement call you have made which you now generalize across the board. Are women with birth defects lesser women? And who makes the call? Obviously your cousin made a judgement call.
Before commenting, I viewed Janet Mock 8767 s discussion with Marc Lamont Hill on HuffPost Live. And that conversation along with Ms. Mock 8767 s insightful article has touched my heart and spirit tenfold. Warmest appreciation to the many commenters sharing your incredible stories. Not to mention, others like myself, are here in this information exchange because knowledge is power. If only our nation and world can embrace the ultimate truth that human life of each of us is precious and worthy of respect, dignity and love. That said, as this relates to DJ Mister Cee, I hope he finds that special place in his personal journey that enables him to celebrate his truth should it mean securing happiness with a transgendered woman. May he love himself first, and in turn, share that love with his 8775 lady / future wife 8776 for all the world to see because she is equally worthy of abundant blessings and a 8775 man / future husband 8776 who loves and adores her beyond words. Gratitude blessings, Janet Mock!!
No disrespect meant at all, but you are something less than 8766 female 8767 or 8766 male 8767 . You were not born with female genitalia, nor the ability to produce eggs or bear life in your womb. Yes, I know that there are natural born females who cannot bear children, but they are natural born females nonetheless. I think the term trans-woman/trans-man is more appropriate at this point in time. As a natural born female/woman, I and several female friends have encountered what we presumed were natural born males, who have asked us were we born female upon meeting us. Their reason for asking was because they had encountered transgender women who did not fess up immediately or at all. They would always say it in a joking manner, but I know they were very serious. At first I was offended, then I had to put the shoe on the other foot I would want to know too, so I always retorted with, 8766 were they natural born males? 8767 .
Everyone talks about their own personal privacy yet feels they are entitled to know every detail about someone else 8767 s life, especially celebrities. Celebrities are put up on a pedestal where we think they can do no wrong yet they are filled with the same issues and concerns everyone else has they are human afterall. The problem here is not necessarily that DJ Mister Cee is somehow closeted but that someone else felt the need/desire/want to publicly shame him and that action has nothing to do with any kind of trans related guilt, that was done for 65 seconds of fame. I feel there 8767 s more to the story that we don 8767 t know.
My parents didn 8767 t force or even really push me to be 8775 girly 8776 as a child I chose swimming classes over ballet, didn 8767 t wear dresses most of the time, and played with toy cars and trucks as much as I played with dolls or stuffed animals. When playing pretend with my friends, I was the dad when we played house and the prince when we played princesses. It didn 8767 t seem significant to me then, and I didn 8767 t object to being considered a tomboy.
8775 I date women and trans men 8776 is the definition of cissexism. It 8767 s basing your frame for sexuality on the gender coercively assigned to a person by their doctor at birth, not on that person 8767 s actual identity. In this case, we 8767 re talking about folks who were assigned female. Of course, 8775 women 8776 means cis women trans women totally drop off the map.
In organic chemistry, if the two biggest 8775 groups 8776 of the molecule are on the same side of the molecule it is a 8775 cis-oriented molecule. 8776 If the two biggest groups are on opposite sides of the molecule, it is a 8775 trans-oriented molecule. 8776 So, cis-gender is saying that a person 8767 s gender identity is on the 8775 same side 8776 of the gender binary as their biological sex, and trans-gender is saying that a person 8767 s gender identity is on the opposite side of the gender binary as their biological sex.
When I was a girl finding myself, I was met with similar questions and believed I would never find someone to love me. I had learned that I was unworthy and undeserving, and it took me years to release myself from the shame and stigma society had forced upon me as a woman. A man 8767 s desire for my body, my brain, my brilliance and my existence is not a laughing matter because I am not a joke.
Other trans men say they’ve heard male co-workers sexualize female colleagues when no women are present. “There’s some crude humor, some crass humor,” says Cameron Combs, an IT consultant in Olympia, Washington. He says he’s heard male colleagues do “appraisals” of women in the office or observe how female co-workers used their “womanly wiles” to rise up the ladder, conversations he says he never would have heard when he was a woman. “When they saw me as female, it was kind of an automatic stop,” he says. “It’s a little less censored, the jokes I hear, the comments.”
I 8767 m not saying your other concerns are invalid, nor is it necessarily invalid to consider one 8767 s social standing when deciding whom to date although persons with lots of 8775 social capital 8776 should perhaps be aware of the degree to which the status they enjoy is based upon societal bigotry towards various other persons, in relation to whom their own standing is thereby increased, and with this in mind, may wish to consider relinquishing a little of their social capital so that others who are less respected by society may have a little more of it. After all, there aren 8767 t (nor should there be) any taxes on social capital, or on looks, or on desirability, which creates I think something of a moral obligation for those who are blessed in one or more of these regards to wield their social power conscientiously and with kindness.
Yes, I 8767 ve been with a transsexual escort, and while she fit all the physical qualities I liked, her personality turned me off completely and her attitude was rude. so much in fact that we never had the actual coitus.
If we look at this objectively, I 8767 m attracted to certain physical characteristics and a certain personality with certain qualities. Does me wanting to be with a transwoman because she has a penis and cannot get pregnant any more insulting than me wanting to be with a cis-woman because she has a vagina and can get pregnant?
That 8767 s perfectly okay if you find it disrespectful on my or any other man 8767 s part. But I disagree with the assumption that men who specifically date transwomen because of their male anatomy should be ignored and not taken seriously. That 8767 s my sexual preference (a woman with a penis). The much more difficult part, in my case, is finding a partner whose personality I love.
Having said that, why date or be interested in someone that one has to hide being with? What does that say about self and how one feels about self? One can 8767 t lay that guilt on the other person involved. Until all people are proud of themselves regardless of gender, color, race, etc. and refuse to be with a person who is ashamed of them, or only wants to see them behind closed doors and not in public, then circumstances will never change.
I 8767 m traveling on the east coast right now, which has thrown me back into the kind of queer, mostly female assigned community that exists in the 8775 I date women and trans men 8776 frame (I 8767 m not saying this doesn 8767 t happen on the west coast but I 8767 ve found alternatives way more easily). This is a big part of what my Girl Talk piece was about , but I want to address this particular issue really directly.
That issue aside however, I believe there is much truth in Janet 8767 s overall observation. The threat to a cisgender man (or woman, for that matter) of losing 8775 social capital 8776 over being publicly associated with a transwoman in a romantic context is I think a real one that exists as a potent consideration apart from any of the behavioral manners or sartorial choices of individual t-girls. Your comment seems to come close to tackling this key and awkward issue, but never really quite does so.