Posted: 2017-10-13 07:32
I am currently on Tinder, and have been for about a month. All of the messages I have received from men have been respectful so far. I''m not sure why, but I''m guessing it has something to do with how I wrote my profile, as well as the pictures I chose to show. My profile is pretty straight forward, without being bitchy. My pictures are tasteful, and there are also some that show I am pretty jacked. I swear that after I have become more buff, men have gotten a ton more respectful. Ridiculous, but true. And no, I don''t think I''m special because I''m fit, it is just a physicality.
Online dating really only works for exactly the sort of audience that already has plenty of other dating options. It''s great if you''re relatively and in a relatively urban area and if your socioeconomic status is broadly similar to other people nearby. I suspect that it''s also a good option for people outside the age range most commonly acceptable to a site''s users, though that''s outside my experience.
I became so weary of these half hearted advances and men who could not follow through, I just gave up. Why should I put out so much personal information about myself on the Internet for a bunch of really half hearted losers who were too cheap to even pay for a drink, and if they did, they felt it gave them license to grab me or shove their tongue downy throat on the first date? These men had no dating etiquette at all.
I have a very specific set of ideals. If a woman is not able to give me space, it signals to me that she has no life. Because my work (my writing), my freedom, and my solitude (when I desire it) are the three most important, most fulfilling aspects of my life, I expect any woman I 8767 m with to have goals for herself as well. When a woman begins getting hung up about every little text and phone call and what the tone of my voice means, then I know emphatically that she is weak, that she has no life, that she has no goals. I believe that no one can possibly over-think that much about mundane shit unless they simply don 8767 t have anything going on in their own life. I mean really who has the time to think about all that and obsess over it if they have actual goals they 8767 re trying to accomplish in life? S
9: If you want a heterosexual paradigm: Woman only actively seek profiles up. Men stop initiating any contact. This is of course an utopia. From my experience (probably longer than most of you), the silver platter women are handed is not going to change. Those in power will seldom let go of it. And yes, there are some degree of initiating contact from woman, but it is truly unbalanced. What happened to equality and girl power?
For a large society to function social stratification must be present. When a population expands beyond a relatively small number it is impossible for everyone to have an equal voice as the time and energy requirements would preclude the accomplishment of the necessary workloads. To skirt this issue society requires managerial positions and base labor or worker positions. Just as managers help organize workers the governing of society requires the same type of organization.
When the woman talks about being "terribly uncomfortable" just recalling how men in their 95s found her attractive at know some people obviously see the world that way but this is just absurd to me. Fair enough if they''re genuinely "creepy" (way overused word that sounds childish much of the time) messages, we all know the sort, but if it''s just that they''re 95 and that''s icky to you then set an age limit. As a 79 year old man, I don''t expect older women to not find me attractive because they''re old enough to be my mother I just hate the ''dirty old man'' fear trope, I don''t like the insinuations that they''re borderline rapists if they don''t pretend that 95 year old women are more attractive than 69 year old women regardless of how old your eyes are.
On-line dating is a waste of time for 99% of men. It seem to mainly be used as an attention seeking tool for females (why don''t they use such functions as block and change first message length to 755+ characters minimum?? etc.)
As the article confirms - women get message after message (yet hardly seem to respond to most of them) men get hardly any messages (and they don''t get a response to the majority of the messages they do send). It all seems futile.
I AM SO LEAARY OF BEING ON THESE SITES AS ALMOST ALL OF THE MEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT SEX THE FIRST CONVERSATION YOU HAVE WITH THEM. WHEN I LET THEM KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT TALKING ABOUT IT ON THE FIRST CONVERSATION, THEY DROP ME. IS THAT ALL THEY HAVE IN MIND? IM NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES, BUT IT SEEMS ALL MEN ARE THEY ASK ME TO SEND NUDE PHOTOS, SAYING THINGS LIKE 8775 OH YOU LOOK SO SEXY, SO THEY EXPECT MY BODY TO LOOK LIKE A 75 YEAR OLD, BUT YET THEY ARE IN THE SENIOR PLACES LOOKING FOR A ANYONE FIGUR THAT OUT?.
This message board has taught me so much. I''ve been dating online on and off for at least 7 years. I''m 98. I''m decent looking, I thought LOL. I have a great job, house, one kid, no drama. I guess I''m cool, but a little boring? I just don''t think I know how to present myself or heck I really don''t know. I get guys that just want a piece or just wanna try dating me since they have never dated outside their race (which I don''t mind but I''d like them to like me and not the piece of *** I potentially represent). Its really crushing to the spirit. I don''t know if I will even continue online dating after reading all the perspectives here. I''m truly a busy person that doesn''t get out much to meet people and a little shy when it comes to getting to know folks. So I guess I''ll either put my big girl panties on and just go sit at a bar or give up and be alone. (sigh)
You 8767 re spot on, this article really helped me understand my boyfriends behaviour pretty well. He is all about actions and the texting part is definitely just a sign that he is still having his own life as I do as well. I mean I can 8767 t always reply to him cos I work at all hours of the days but he doesn 8767 t nag me and asks me why I haven 8767 t replied to him, I would be like WTF if he did, so I see now how silly I was when I demanded and nagged in the last about not getting a response from any boyfriends I had in the past. I guess it boils down to respecting one another and being considerate of the fact that people have their life 8767 s to live also. Thanks again for such a well put article. I really do love all your practical advice :)))
Daphne I totally agree with you. I myself just turned 66 and looking between 65 to 75 but I was shocked the first time I saw a 69 yr man looking for 68 to 85 yr range and now I see it all the time. How they even consider that age. Compared to us they are looking for a child. That 8767 s pretty sad to be that afraid of aging that they need someone barely out of their teens to make them feel This is why women say the decent men are taken cause there 8767 s so few left. The thing about these types of men is they are going to get a sad wake up call when they finally realise that these women are not going to spend their life with them, short term only and that 8767 s if they can get one. We don 8767 t need men like that anyway
All this being said, there are some major drawbacks for me. We all have our things we''re into but I''m often guessing if I''m even attracted to the women I agree to meet. I take the chance anyways because it''s my best option at that time. Some of the women I meet I find attractive, but most of the time they aren''t as good looking as girls I would date in real life. As a guy who does really well in a date setting, almost every girl I meet wants to see me again, I''m left frustrated by this. I know I''m a catch, and I carry that with me but online I rarely have the choice to date women I''m attracted to. They come around once in a while but most don''t answer me back.
There''s another guy on here who''s bragging about getting laid by women he barely knows. It''s following a shallow lifestyle to be after people "who attract you". There are more important things in life than the outward appearance. A person''s character traits are important. Honesty, respect, love, loyalty, dependable, reliable are all decent traits to have. Being with a woman for a long time says that you have been dependable and loyal. I''m sorry that happened to you.
Men and women. Women and men. We’re not that different, yet we can’t seem to figure each other out. Don’t despair – I have a little secret that is sure to perk you up: men – yes, those creatures who are so often the bane of our very existence, the ones who puzzle us and tear us apart inside, the ones that cause so much grief but always keep us coming back for more – are not all that difficult to understand. In fact, I think I have an easier time explaining why men do things than I do with women.
My motto is: Never message a girl who you would not approach in public. I know my boundaries and I''d never even go near a supermodel-ish girl in public, so why try it online? I think that''s one of the biggest mistakes that guys make. They''re always trying to pursue outside of their league. I''d like to say that by keeping your expectations realistic, you''ll have better success. But I''m not even sure if that''s accurate anymore.
I have to say not all women are that way. There are some of us that are good. I find the same thing on the women 8767 s side. Men are looking for that woman with a perfect body, perfect hair, and perfect make-up and nails and don 8767 t really bother to find out what kind of a person they really are. I don 8767 t consider myself ugly, yes a little overweight, but I think I clean up pretty well.
The study explained this had an evolutionary advantage. Because for all the hundreds of women out of your league who say no, you might get one yes. And then you have access to really attractive genetic material. But the faulty cognition is passed down to your offspring who also keep chasing women they haven''t a hope with, and getting annoyed when they receive the obvious refusal, and so the cycle continues.
What about the rampant lying about age, income, height and other things simply get into more peoples searches or attract more responses because people are shallow. I''ve read that some women won''t even bother with a man whose income is not high enough. LOL! So men lie about it try and get a shot and then it of course tanks. Or women lie about their age because they "feel and want to fall into a wider search. And then the man finds out.
I''m not messaging guys out of my league. I don''t want a guy that''s super fit and looks like a movie star. I want a guy that I''m attracted to, but that I''ll feel comfortable around. Eventually there would be sex, which won''t happen if I''m too self-conscious or if I''m grossed out at the thought. So if I dream up my perfect man, he''s going to be a little hefty, he''s going to have a receding hairline and his face won''t be clean shaven, he''s going to wear comic book characters tshirts, he''s also not going to be hugely successful, but he''ll have his act together, he''ll be well educated, and sarcastic, and a little bit dark, and if I were that guy, yeah, I''d date me because I''m pretty sure if I were a guy, this is the guy I''d be. I think perhaps you''re reflecting your own insecurities and prejudices on others.