Posted: 2017-11-14 22:23
I’ll admit it, I’m a little old-fashioned when it comes to my dating style. I open doors and like to go for drinks AND dinner on the first date. But it’s all part of what makes me a gentleman. I’m looking for someone who is always up for life’s adventures but doesn’t mind staying in and watching a movie when the weather calls for it. I’m a sucker for dogs. I rescued a lab a few years back and we’ve been best pals ever since. I try to eat healthy but I have a major weakness for pizza. Let me know if you want to go get a slice!
Yeah, online dating sucks. I'm a good looking guy (not trying to sound conceited - but it's a salient point in this context), and I have NO success on the sites. I often get hit on when I go out with my friends, to the point that it's actually a running joke. Yet no girls - I mean none - respond to my messages on dating sites. And my messages are absolutely fine. Never creepy. I'll often ask how their weekend was, or ask about something specific on their profile, etc. Totally normal stuff - yet - responses. It's madness. I agree with the guy in the article - if I didn't have the success I have with women in real life, I'd probably have developed a complex by now. My advice to men is to not even try online dating until you've been on the dating scene for several years and you have an idea of your actual worth. Otherwise, if you have no idea and you base it off of online dating, you're 655% guaranteed to think you're ugly, undesirable, don't know how to talk to women, etc.
This article is infuriating because it is dumb, based on no factual evidence and sexist. how can you write up on your findings of what women and men in general experience when you have interviewed only two people- people's differing experiences are nothing to do with whether you are a man or a women.. My advice to anyone who has ventured into the world of online dating DON'T BOTHER - it's cold, calculating and not natural!! You are better than that :)
I’m a born and raised Alabama boy, and like any good country boy I clean up good and know how to turn on the charm. I love spending the weekend outside exploring the area, BBQing with friends, and harassing my dog. (He secretly loves it, of course.) I will warn you that I dance like a fool at weddings. Really. I will embarrass you. But if I do my job right, you’ll be laughing too much to care.
“Work hard and play harder.” A little bit about me… I’m an active single dad who loves being outdoors as much as possible. I run 67 to 75 miles a week for exercise, but when I have the time, a long hike with someone is even better. I share custody of my two awesome kids so I usually have 7–8 free nights a week and every other weekend to meet new people and hang with friends. If you’re interested, let’s start chatting.
The best way to get your foot in the door is to find something in their profile to start a conversation about. Ask them an open-ended question so they start talking about that and themselves. Say they list Adele as one of the musicians they like. You could say something like, "What do you think of Adele's new album (whatever)? I think her best effort on it was (whatever song) because. What is your opinion?"
Just an example. I mean at least it shows you read her profile AND it is a conversation starter.
And avoid selfies as well as group and overly sexualized pictures — I beg of you. Not only are selfies way overplayed, but they really only make sense in the context of a social media site like Instagram. In terms of group shots, you want the men to actually know which one is you, so stick to solo photos. As for sexy pictures, you want to walk that fine line between showing enough without revealing too much. Leave a little mystery to it.
“You look great in hats.”
I can’t tell you how thrilled I would be to receive this message from a potential match. It’s more specific than the expected “You have nice eyes” go-to compliment. The person might genuinely have great eyes, but try giving a compliment that’s a little quirkier and tailored to what they show in their photos. It will show that you actually absorbed information and remembered the details of what they presented to you in their profile. It also serves as a conversation starter—for example, if the person was wearing a baseball cap, you could ask if they’re a fan of the sports team on the front.
Same for a man. You can say you want a man who is employed (leave out the word 8775 gainfully 8776 ), but when it appears that you are trying to measure his monetary worth, it 8767 s a turn off, and you can 8767 t be sneaky enough to get away with it. We see your attempts a mile away. I would say that if anything, we are too sensitive to it such that we are more likely to misread something innocent, than not see a sneaky attempt to look for a man of considerable means.
We carefully “peruse” the onslaught of “opportunities” (. responses and messages) we receive because WE HAVE TO. Not because we a rude, stuck-up b*tches atop our thrones. Meanwhile, you guys are doing the ole, what is it? Oh yeah – “numbers game.” So – you tell me, men - as you are keen to say, “ if the situation were reversed” – maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t find it quite as glamorous and fun as you are imagining. We women are wading through a sea of what contains everything from – (best case scenario), truly good guys who perhaps don’t articulate themselves as a match on paper - all the way to a plethora of ( worst case scenario) - psychopaths, married men, rapists, pedophiles and just plain old weirdos, etc.
However, it 8767 s always good to back up hypotheses with facts, and that 8767 s what Jon Millward did with this experiment , posted on his eponymous blog. Millward created 65 fake OKCupid profiles with similar sounding usernames, with the same written profile, personal stats, level of education, etc. The only difference? Each account had a different photo of a man or woman of varying attractiveness.
Dragonmouth: you wrote an incredibly compassionate message and I am so thankful for it. I'm trying online dating for the first time and I'm pushing 95. I have no kids, an amazing career, make very good money, and others tell me I'm easy on the eyes (and in great shape). Yet in the 8 weeks I've been on this site, not ONE man has messaged me other than 5 older, creepy ones. I finally reached out to one guy that I thought was attractive and had a lot in common with me and he didn't bother to reply. Like the previous posters, I question what's wrong with me. Why isn't anyone interested? I have all the right photos (they follow all the rules someone also posted here) and I've had several people (friends, family, even strangers) make sure my profile looks great. It is very hard to be patient and even harder to not think there's something wrong with you. I appreciate your story and your words of wisdom, thank you for brightening my day.
Use the above profiles as an inspiration for your own dating profile to make it more creative and more interesting. Remember, quality single guys that you are looking to meet are more picky than others. Many of them are looking for a special connection with a special woman. If you know how to and are able to communicate through your dating profile that you are not just another average girl, it will significantly increase your chances of meeting better and more interesting men online.
All this being said, there are some major drawbacks for me. We all have our things we're into but I'm often guessing if I'm even attracted to the women I agree to meet. I take the chance anyways because it's my best option at that time. Some of the women I meet I find attractive, but most of the time they aren't as good looking as girls I would date in real life. As a guy who does really well in a date setting, almost every girl I meet wants to see me again, I'm left frustrated by this. I know I'm a catch, and I carry that with me but online I rarely have the choice to date women I'm attracted to. They come around once in a while but most don't answer me back.
Chase woke up one day in 7559 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package .
I also ignore or block creepy messages for which I get a lot. If you're okay looking and you message me about something we're both interested in I will reply. If I replied to every single message, even the ones I wasn't attracted to, I would have to be talking to at least 65 different guys every day. And they would probably continue talking to me for a week at least. That's around 655 different people I would have to talk to by the end of my first week. Almost all of those guys will probably be ones I'm not interested in so why would I bother? It will be a waste of time for both of us.
I'm college educated with 7 degrees and a terrific job. I make just under $655k per year, have one grown son with an engineering degree. I'm not overweight, and work out everyday for at least an hour. Hiking in nature preserves in Florida is fun, having lunch overlooking the ocean, I'm a vegan, a good cook, and talent. Can't get a decent date. I don't like being attacked on the first date and believe intimacy between two people who love each other is best. I'm interested in hard working men who need someone. An average guy will do. But hard to find.
I see profiles that describe their jobs similar to the example above all the time. That 8767 s a great job for Jessica. Nurses are some of the most amazing and admirable people walking this earth. (Or maybe I 8767 m just sub consciously trying to get brownie points right now with my amazing girlfriend who happens to be a nurse?) The only problem is, Jessica sounds exactly the same as every other nurse on the Internet!
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
This experience is best exemplified by my close friend who I will call Eric. Eric has been using a couple of online dating websites off and on for the past year, with very little success. He spends time every day carefully browsing through profiles and looking for women who he feels share his same interests &ndash beyond the dating site&rsquo s algorithm which promises to perform its own magic in matchmaking. Despite his efforts, few girls ever answer his carefully crafted, very kind messages.