Posted: 2017-09-11 10:11
On rare occasions someone has shown a willingness to write something unique. A rare individual that is capable of thinking for themselves and doesn''t feel the need to be a carbon copy of what society tells us are our desirable traits. Of the hundreds of profiles I''ve viewed this past few years I have come across a handful (less than 65 and closer to 5) of women that stand apart from the crowd. That is a very desirable trait in my search.
Women dont send dick pics to guys. That''s why we are not creepy. If men didn''t immediately make everything sexual they might have better luck. I never get guys that ask me about my interest or hobbies. A lot of the men are their own worst enemy. Its their APPROACH that is not working. Guys rant in their profiles. They have few good clear photos or they choose photos with other women in there (and dont crop them out). Most guys put very little effort into their profiles and then they are shocked women aren''t interested. I''ve also had guys get angry because I didn''t respond FAST enough. A lot of men come across as bitter, self-absorbed, shallow, perverted, womanizer. They can be the nicest person but if they display any of those qualities they wont get the time of day.
Wow, makes me lol to hear women complain about OKC. Oh no, you had to sift through a bunch of messages from really gross people? Oh poor baby, the internet really just isn''t for you, is it? That certainly is somehow equivocal to the disappointment a lot of men receive on these sites of getting no attention at all.. oh wait, those two aren''t even remotely comparable. If you can''t deal with ugly, sleazy, mediocre people, get the fuck off the internet!
Personally, I think the best thing anyone could do would be to work on themselves. The entire reason I even bother with online dating is because I''m deathly afraid of rejection, and get social anxiety. Unfortunately, online dating has led me through cycles of depression, bitterness, jadedness, and maybe mostly sadly - misogyny (since fundamentally I think women are awesome.) But on all levels.. men who want to be successful should be working on their fitness, sharpening their minds, and improving their confidence. Online dating could be a tool for self-improvement, if you let it. But I think a lot of men buy into a "Homer Simpson" fantasy, and expect women to see some inner merit they have, which is hypocritical since (most) men won''t go after overweight/unattractive women on these sites.
I totally agree. Don''t know why but it seams to be very logical. For every average looking guy 55% of other guys online are above average, period. That''s a lot of competition. And those guys that get picked don''t have to settle at all, why would they? That''s why women complain. They simply pick guys that they can''t "afford". Women and men do exactly the same thing, they drop less interesting people as soon as possible. The difference is such that women drop guys before they meet them, guys drop women after they have sex with them.
It''s the same outside the online world but on much smaller scale. When I look at my friends, 55% of them are divorced by now. But which 55%? The ugly 55. The more attractive 55 stayed together not because they were never interested in opposite sexes, oh no, exactly opposite, they had very interesting encounters. They are just cool and every woman wants them.
So I just got this thought. Maybe the whole idea with monogamy is just an absurd? Maybe everything is all right but we are looking at it from wrong perspective? Maybe handsome guys should have many women and many kids and ugly guys should go to war and die?
Interesting read. I was debating putting up a profile or perhaps going to a club with some live entertainment. I am going to bed instead lol. It is very true that 65 to 65 years ago online dating worked well. I am an average looking guy but intelligent and funny and I was floored how many interesting, and yes pretty ok I would like someone that I consider to be pretty, not necessarily the text book version either. Anyway, teachers, lawyers, security guards, nurses, there I was dating, where previously I would stand in a bar and not say anything because my voice is very low and you couldn''t hear me over the music anyway.
Yes I am older now and I have my daughter half time, but I am still an average looking very intelligent and funny man. I am not bitter, disappointed maybe. I am affected by the lack of responses though, not like jump off a bridge affected, but it does drop you down a notch psychologically. I am glad I read these posts. It sounds like many of us are in the same boat. God bless all of you even the bitter ones we all know that hurt people want to hurt other people.
Well it all started with a sweet message from him, and we started talking. The more talked and laughed together, we realized that we belonged together. We both were searching for that right person, and we both agree that it was fate and destiny that brought us together. We are both happy with each other and neither one of us wants it to end. We both know where this is leading to a more wonderful life with the perfect man.
Eric: It&rsquo s not. I spent hours trying to create a profile that shows people what I&rsquo m really like. No dice. Sure, I get a lot of profile &ldquo views&rdquo , but no messages. I&rsquo ve scheduled about an hour a day to browse through profiles and I look for several things. Most importantly is that she likes doing similar things that I do. Secondly of course is that the profile gives me some feeling that there could be chemistry.
Yeah..when I was online dating, I messaged quite a few men. SEVERAL. All at a similar level of attractiveness to myself. Not a single one replied. And in case you''re wondering, my photos were quite nice, and my profile was thoughtful and grammatically correct. All the guys online sift through looking for the "hot girls" and don''t give a crap about anything else -- and then whine that online dating is so hard.
I am Ms Jones. I messaged MANY men first. I am beautiful, kind and intelligent. I used the dating site in every way possible. It is not accurate to say that all women get tons of fabulous messages and wonderful invitations from countless fabulous men. There are lots of sketchy guys out the there. After 8 years, for my own protection and peace of mind, I felt it was best that I remove my profile. That''s how many "super great" guys I connected with. They were all very strange and I am reluctant to try Internet dating ever again. It was a very stressful experience sharing information with perfect strangers from the Internet. My personal dating experiences were not great and one in particular was disturbing.
My problem hasn''t been so much with the issues mentioned in the article..I don''t know what it''s like in other areas, but when I search dating sites in my area, it is the same people on there all the time, year after year. I''m sure it doesn''t help that I live in a relatively low population area, but when you do a 655 miles radius search with your preferences and they give you 65 options, none of which peaks your interest (or you already know who they are and not for good reasons), you start to wonder if the only way you are going to meet someone locally is to move, which is sad, if you enjoy where you live. One thing I am most tired of is feeling like I''m reading the same profile over and over. ''Cliches'' is a good word to sum up the majority of really becomes a bore. You know what I mean."ask me anything" " I have kids and they are my number 6. if you don''t like it, move on!!!" "No games" "Im an open book"... the minute I start reading and see one, I next. Yeah, I have grown quite cynical of online dating, both with the men I have met in real life and the profiles I have seen.
Do you want to find someone within your age bracket and with similar interests? Someone who lives in Australia rather than Utah? Then we can help you do that. We won’t, on the other hand, ask you a million questions praying that if you answer those we can magically find your perfect match. We believe in chemistry. Chemistry can happen between the most unlikely people. So we make it easy for you to talk to as many people as you like – message them, wink at them, chat to them… If you enjoy the conversations you can meet them to see if you click.
As to the creepy responses. Some may be legit creepy but a lot of them are jaded men who know that writing a well thought out response is an utter waste of time for them, especially older men. That said the older men are just living in denial about the reality the women by in large do not want them all. Same for older gay men. Yes it''s partly ageism "Ewww he could be my father". But that''s because they are an don''t understand that really what would you talk about, you pop culture connections would be so out of date for them (unless you luck out with an old soul). Also another reason for short messages is because guys HAVE ALWAYS by in large done it short and sweet. Think about the cheesy pick up lines or conversation starters at a bar. They are not deep probing question that want to know more about why you are in medieval crossbow shooting.
First off it is important to recognize that those in positions of prestige will seek to maintain their position and furthermore will seek to promote the inclusion of their offspring into similar positions. Secondly our education system isn''t so much a system of learning as it is a system of training. For our society to function we require managers and workers. If our education system really sought to equalize knowledge our current system would cease to exist. Instead our education system is designed to separate gifted from normal students as potential managers versus the working class.
I just deleted my profile on OKCupid and I''ll tell you received many messages from men, some creepy ''hey Baby blah blah blah, some down right offensive, the few that warranted responses, very few I might add, became a back and forth of messaging, I do not understand if the purpose is to meet in person and find if there''s any chemistry why the back and forth messaging? Seems that a lot of men are quite happy to remain behind a screen and those who are up to meeting right away are seeking sex..which is funny really because a woman could go out pretty much any night of the week to a bar and get sex if that''s all she certainly don''t need to go online for sex. One man messaged me and stated he found my profile interesting that we had much in common, we messaged back and forth and then he asked for my cell so we could was 7 weeks ago, never heard from him, it''s like why bother?
Fortunately i am content with who I am as a person and recognize that at this stage of my life I am looking for a woman to connect with intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Certainly for myself physical attraction is important but it has moved from the top of my list to the bottom. I wish I could state that my shifting ideals have made it easier to find potential partners but in reality it is now immeasurably more difficult.
Online dating is very unhealthy for society. Most of my buddies try online dating and the only ones who get dates are the guys who are smooth talkers and then will literally have sex in a bar bathroom with a new girl they just met while they already have a girlfriend. The nice guys get overlooked ALWAYS. Even if the nice guy looks half decent. Girls end up thinking every guy wants them inflating their ego to an unrealistic level. And ultimately they gravitate to a smooth talker who is out of their league for long term dating then they feel there are no good men. Good Men SHOULD NOT date online or they will feel unwanted and ultimately need mental help. Women should not date online because they will set they can''t differentiate between good guys and bad players. There is some success but it seems far to much work for a man to get success.
We could term this "hypergamy" as some commentators do.. which makes the females sound quite like lab rats and gives the (male) commentator a horrendous, vile, disembodied ocularity, but that''s not my deal at all. I know that females are smart, informed, and selective, and have strong capacity - in most places, thankfully - to exercise choice about mating habits. Females also possess very strong sex drives and know how to get what they need and want, whether it coincides with the NiceGuy/bf/hubby or - often - not.
Certainly this could be attributed to my actions. However having lived through the experience I can attest that I strove to make her feel loved and accepted as she was. Ultimately what I''ve come to understand is that she has not yet learned to accept herself. I believe this is incredibly common in our society. After all our marketing systems have done a very thorough job of setting impossible and often inane ideals and as we are both aware the primary victims are women.
Online dating really only works for exactly the sort of audience that already has plenty of other dating options. It''s great if you''re relatively and in a relatively urban area and if your socioeconomic status is broadly similar to other people nearby. I suspect that it''s also a good option for people outside the age range most commonly acceptable to a site''s users, though that''s outside my experience.