Posted: 2017-09-11 17:13
I was once responsible for the financial/administrative aspects of a newly established psychiatric research unit in the UK, where the head of research, a psychiatrist, shared with colleagues (but not with me) that he felt I had BPD.
Reading your article I certainly recognise an overwhelming sense of abandonment that plagued me for years, until I decided to warn friends that if I started to cry as we parted after a visit, to understand that it was just old pain that I was in the process of healing. What a liberation!
I still have residual pangs of sadness, but it lasts for a few seconds, then I 8767 m able to go about my day. Pre-liberation I would feel totally lost for anything up to a week!
I 8767 m a recovering borderline and I find your article to be insulting. I don 8767 t like it when therapists or doctors put all of us borderlines into a category, like we all behave the same and exhibit the same symptoms. Not all borderlines are difficult to work with. I did DBT and I see a therapist regularly. We get along very well. I 8767 ve maintained a positive attitude since the beginning. I know there are a lot of borderlines who have difficulty controlling their anger and who don 8767 t make much of an effort to get better. But haven 8767 t you heard the saying Marsha Linehan said.. that the client doesn 8767 t fail therapy. the therapy fails the client.
Please don 8767 t categorize us all and imply that we are all the same.
I think I am actually different than a lot of borderlines. I found DBT to be life-changing. But I 8767 ve always done a lot of research and read all the books out there, because I want to be fully informed about my illness. I take responsibility for it because I want to get better. I can go to therapy for years but without a positive attitude, I 8767 ll never get better.
Another client at the same clinic, a man who balked at paying even $5 per session, began our third or fourth hour describing a book he was reading, about a girl and the wealthy man who 8775 kept 8776 her in exchange for sexual favors. I suggested to him that he might have been having such fantasies in relation to me, given the financial difficulties of paying for therapy we 8767 d been discussing last time he said that yes, he wondered if I would be willing to give him treatment in exchange for blow-jobs. (My supervisor criticized me for going 8775 too deep too fast, 8776 but to me, it wasn 8767 t 8775 deep 8776 at all it was just below the surface, obvious to my client and to me.) This client attached very quickly when I took a planned break for vacation, he found the abandonment intolerable and terminated.
Thank you for your blog and for your honesty. I 8767 m so glad that someone like you is a therapist !
I diagnosed myself after reading Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Rieland. When I asked my psychotherapist if she thought that fit me, she agreed. She also doesn 8767 t offer a diagnosis and particularly did not want to bombard me with a diagnosis after having just left a therapist who diagnosed me very abruptly which didn 8767 t feel so good (not BPD diagnosis).
If I have a speciality, it is borderline personality disorder treatment it 8767 s the type of work I find most rewarding, despite its challenges, and where I do my best work. I suspect that most therapists prefer to work with the YAVIS client (an acronym that stands for Attractive, Verbal, Intelligent and Successful), but I find I don 8767 t do as well with such people. In part, it 8767 s because their defenses work so much better at blocking out the really difficult emotions and conflicts (the sort of issues I usually address) it takes much longer to shed light on those feelings, even when I can detect them, and I often push too hard too soon. I work in the transference, and with the YAVIS client, it usually takes much longer to develop.
After almost eleven years suffering from this, several suicide attempts, lots of cutting, suffering, a life full of grief, pain, without one day knowing what happiness is, the only thing they can do for me is giving me medicines such as anti-depressants. I have been using all you can think of. Even psychotic medicines, Just name it.
I do not know what to do at this point. I pray every single day God can take me with him, it’s too much pain. But when I read blogs like this one, I see there is a little hope. I truly believe my life can be better the only thing is that in my country we have so much limitations. Any papers, sites, anything you can think off that can be of help, I will really appreciate it. I truly need some guidance.
Thanks so much.
Interesting questions. I guess I think it isn 8767 t the injury that makes it different so much as the way you deal with it. Some people can tolerate a 8775 narcissistic injury 8776 better than others feel the pain but not be swept away by it while others can 8767 t tolerate even the least bit of rejection or insensitivity. To my view, it all comes down to how well each of us can bear pain (of all different varieties) and the strategies we use to escape it when we can 8767 t.
When coming up with date ideas avoid the suit and tie events and hit the science museums, a trendy gastropub or brewery, have a sci-fi movie night, go to a comedy club, get out play video games and do his favorite sport or hit a laid back restaurant or sports bar. When it comes to gifts for an engineer you can always win by finding out what was their favorite sci-fi movie, video game, tv show as a kid and find either:
Strange thing was and I love my parents, I see their issues (and I read my mother 8767 s books ..
At this moment, it happened that I felt: So, it was _never_ my issue. Never my fault. I was _always_ right (as a child in feeling something is wrong, and why do I have to hide? Why always it is me, who is the guilty one, for that peace is gone for a week? Me, who is the one get all this rage and whatfor?.. )
Never, ever, it was my fault. Always, my father 8767 s.. if said so. And my mother 8767 s, as she would not see it that harming.
I am a software engineer working in Silicon forest. The majority if my clothing is blue. I am an introvert. I have no friends. I scored 655% on a calculus 9 test. I spend the majority of my time on the computer. Playing video games, and walking my dog. I have social anxiety, and stay away from people as much as possible. Unless it 8767 s about math, physics, engineering, robotics, comics, Sci if I don 8767 t really want to talk to you. I can 8767 t hold a conversation longer than 7 minutes. I think every girl is hot and I wish I had one but who would want me?
The worst, and hardest for him to understand, is my hypersensitivity- though it doesn 8767 t come out in a crying sense it comes out in a 8775 freaking out 8776 , angry sort of way. Things that would be a minor inconvenience to someone else are enough to make me freak out- it feels like the end of the world, and no amount of trying to reason with me, makes me get it emotionally, though intellectually I can grasp it.
Chance, I was reminded of this one fact from my boyfriend. However I do think that we can settle on what we want. No one will ever be perfect and that 8767 s his stance when i try to break it off but I do want a companion, someone I have common interest with and we 8767 ll enjoy some of the same things. Right now, I find myself doing things I enjoy with other men because he doesn 8767 t naturally gravitate to the things I like. And he reminds me that we don 8767 t have this one thing in commone before making the decision to do what I want. He 8767 s boring, loves politics and work. I love all other other things. LOL He 8767 s a great guy and has been super supportive and encouraging, however I often feel lonely because of our lack of common interest. I just don 8767 t want to be married to someone I constantly have to make a concession for and vice versa.
I can go on and on of the stuff she has done in the past. What I 8767 m concerned about is why she is deteriorating, is this a sign of something more. My Wife ( her mother) and I are ready to do what is needed. The waiting and praying time is expiring. The cops know her well from every cycle. The courts know her well now. The ER knows her to well they help her miss work and keep her job with the injuries and sickness that happen over night. + with every cycle that goes by it seems to get worse and worse.
Hi Erin..I too have 5 children and am self diagnosed. I married a care taker who I love and hate and I am pushing my kids away. As they get older and independent, I am angry that they are not following every path I had laid out in my mind. I push them away and then feel relieved and sad at the same time. I am a professional in a community where most people come to me for therapy and I honestly feel I help so many people but I hide alone and pretend I am fine which only isolates myself more. I may consider getting a therapist online as I have no therapists in the area that I feel has the expertise in this area..Good luck to you
When I tried to talk with her about it directly at the end of the day, she kept changing the subject and not wanting to respond, talking about other things. After several attempts I said good bye and went home to examine more closely what was happening. I had tried every strategy I knew of and this was definitely a pattern for her so I began my web search. I am relieved to find out about bpd as this and some narcissistic/histrionic tendencies seem to fit her. I feel more at peace now and glad to be able to put things where they belong, squarely with her. I plan to do more reading about bpd and I appreciate being able to vent about what had been a very upsetting day. Sorry I’m long winded, but this has been very helpful to blog about and hopefully others might identify.
It built trust, over time. Different stories would be revealed from her childhood, other influences would surface but little by little, her situation improved. Along the way, she confided something to me. She revealed that several years ago her mother had insisted she see a Psychologist, who had diagnosed her with BPD. (!!) I had not told her what I knew about it, that I studied it extensively but it was nice to know that my own evaluation had some further traction.
With borderline personality disorder treatment, the transference begins when you open the door on the very first day you meet (it may also begin that way with other clients, but it 8767 s less obvious and harder to detect). For example, at the clinic where I first worked as an intern, I went out to greet a new client for her second or third session and she said, passing by me into the corridor that led to my office, 8775 She 8767 s back there waiting for you. 8776 As I understood it, she had instantly split off and expelled the needy party of herself and left her behind in the waiting room. (The YAVIS client would never say such a thing!) This client had developed an instant, intense and unbearable attachment to me though we 8767 d met just once or twice before after only a session or two, the breaks between sessions felt like unbearable abandonment.
When I questioned my psychiatrist, the one who wrote this diagnosis she didn’t answer me directly but said that I probably don’t fit the criteria now, because I was too high functioning. All I wanted was for either of them to admit this was my clinical diagnosis so that I could understand myself better and move on. Instead I am constantly worrying whether I am or was borderline or whether people see me as borderline, I just want to know the truth! I have no idea why this bothers me so much because I am significantly better. I also take comfort in the previous comments that you never really recover fully from borderline, because I still have intense emotional swings, insecurity and episodic cutting even though I am “normal” 95% of the time and to be honest this vulnerability seems like it will always show up in times of stress. Does anyone have any insight why I am so insecure about the diagnosis thing, and why I am so angry that my psychiatrist never told me?
The only time I ever discuss a diagnosis with a client is when I have to provide one for an insurance company, and I would never submit BPD for that purpose too much of a stigma. I don 8767 t find much value in diagnosis anyway to me, what matters is (at some point) for the client to understand the severity of their difficulties. So often, people with BPD symptoms struggle with shame about how ill they are and then defend massively against the awareness of it.
If I had an online Museum of Narcissists, this would be it. Here you will find everything you want to know about the most evil of narcissists the malignant ones who lie at the top of the narcissistic continuum, just under psychopaths and sociopaths. Unlike lower-spectrum narcissists, malignant narcissists and psychopaths probably can never be healed, outside an act of God. I say probably, because a few experts and others dispute they are incurable (but not very many).
Read here about what they are, what makes them tick, what my experience with them has been like, and what we can do to avoid becoming their victim or save ourselves from further abuse if we are still with one.