Posted: 2017-10-12 09:40
I 8767 ve had a great experience with online dating. Most of the men I 8767 ve gone out with are attractive, employed, intelligent and pleasant. Never met anyone who had obviously misrepresented themselves. No one tried to jump down my pants on the first date. I didn 8767 t feel that any less than ideal behavior on any of my dates 8767 part was beyond what I would encounter if I was on a date with someone I knew from real life ( and I date many men from real life too). I write to many men online first to get higher quality dates. Sure, sometimes you get annoying messages, but I just laugh it off as part of the game.
Please be specific and at least say Jewish males. Why lump Jewish females into that? In fact, why bring up that stereotype once more? On TV or anywhere, I never saw a religious Jewish woman who is a heroine. Also, quite a few authors or ordinary couples are Jewish woman/Asian male. Don 8767 t believe me? Check out some memoirs by Susan Blumberg-Kason, Tracy Slatter and Leeza Lovitt. Quite a few commentators on here are Jewish women, and yes, I 8767 m one of them, and yes I am dating an Asian male, and have dated them in the past. Also, a lot of us have our own blogs where we post either positive experiences with dating, or on mine, I seek out positive AMWF literature and read and review it, thus its not fair to lump all of us in one category when some of us, in our own ways, are trying to battle out the negative images of Asia and Asian men.
Same for a man. You can say you want a man who is employed (leave out the word 8775 gainfully 8776 ), but when it appears that you are trying to measure his monetary worth, it 8767 s a turn off, and you can 8767 t be sneaky enough to get away with it. We see your attempts a mile away. I would say that if anything, we are too sensitive to it such that we are more likely to misread something innocent, than not see a sneaky attempt to look for a man of considerable means.
I 8767 m in my 85s and I 8767 m very social and usually love to complain about online dating. However, the other night I went to a social event with people my age and a topic that interested me and I actually appreciated having online dating as an option. The event was outnumbered with other women, the one man I found attractive was talking to another woman the whole night, the girl my male friend hit on told him she had a boyfriend (in a nice way), and so on. After standing in my heels for hours and paying a ton in parking I went home without anything more than a few minute conversation with a new man. I know it doesn 8767 t always work that way. But at least with online dating, every time I go on a date, it 8767 s with someone who at least initially has some interest in me and I get to spend some quiet time getting to know them somewhere. After going on about 5 less than stellar online dates in a row, I do tire of it. It was just a reminder that it 8767 s nice to have one more option, outside of bars and social events especially since I have very few unattached friends left who are willing to come out with me.
What he discovered isn 8767 t particularly revelatory, but it does echo something I 8767 ve said here repeatedly about online dating we have the 8775 perception of choice 8776 , but not actual choice itself.
8775 The expanded horizons offered by online dating don’t equal unrestricted access to a ready and waiting list of beautiful people. Every man and woman online still has criteria that must be met by people who want to date him or her, and every guy and girl is still in direct competition with every other person of their gender Whereas before a man just needed to be the best looking guy at work to get a date with a colleague, now he needed to be in the top 65% of all men to get a date with one of the women in his city. 8776
You don't hear as much about what I refuse to call cougars : women substantially older than their male partners. Could it be that men prize youth and beauty more highly than women do? Maybe, but I suspect another dynamic is at work: Women don't want to feel maternal about a lover, nor do they want to see themselves as a mother figure in a lover's eyes. This aversion may have stopped some women cold who were hot for men. (Unless, of course, they were named Cher.)
I am not in the top 65% of women, I am attractive but no 9 or 65. When I was on dating sites I would typically get 7-65 messages a day, when I changed something around it would jump to about 75. Out of all those messages I might respond to 5-6 a week. So guys, it really is important write an intriguing first message and don 8767 t cut and past some message from PUA online game forums. I can 8767 t tell you how many guys sent me the 8775 I already married and divorced you in my mind. 8776 message.
For better or worse, right or wrong, whenever me and/or my friends tried to ask men out, pay for dates, etc. it just wasn 8767 t effective. In fact, I got a lot of weird looks when I tried paying for dates! After getting shot down like that, it was hard to motivate myself to keep doing it. Last weekend I practically had to wrestle my boyfriend for the check to treat him dinner for his birthday (he really likes to pay for me). It isn 8767 t just women who created this situation, but the (many) men I 8767 ve seen who aren 8767 t actually receptive to women taking on the pursuer role. We can argue all day about whether that should be or not, but that 8767 s just what I 8767 ve seen.
Good response. The reality is that the world is a diverse place and everyone is different. Look at the mentalities of the commenters here. Many differing viewpoints, and certainly many who would argue theirs over others. Everyone has a different philosophy and you have to find someone that is aligned with yours. The only way to do that is put yourself out there and make no apologies. However, my suggestion would be to have someone else read your profile that has no stake in the game, to act as editor to make sure you don 8767 t come across sounding defective. Too many people list their requirements and too often they come across as seeming difficult, having too high expectation, or a little off their rocker.
Celebrity rules don 8767 t apply to the billions of people on the planet who are not celebrities. Yes, many, maybe even the great majority of women would not turn down Brad Pitt or George Clooney. They 8767 re wealthy, famous, talented, and still physically attractive (although they are past their physical attractiveness peak of their 75 8767 s and early 85s). But you can 8767 t extrapolate that experience down to the guy who is an average looking accountant or plumber. Just like women don 8767 t get to say, 8775 Hey Christie Brinkley was in SI 8767 s swimsuit edition, so I too can rock a bikini at 67! 8776 Extreme examples are not proof of what is true on average.
I won 8767 t go into what feminism is or isn 8767 t, but I have to say that my approach on online dating (hmm he seems pretty cool I bet we 8767 d have a lot to talk about) and actually messaging first always gives me a five second feeling of 8775 Oh, but I 8767 ll just seem too aggressive or whatever 8776 No, I 8767 m confident and outgoing, and not worried about my jeans size, and I 8767 m going to go about it my way.
I find it all to be a dark, tragic comedy. Women ignorantly go for the alpha male and then complain when they 8767 re treated like just a pair of tits an ass, when in reality they have a heart in-between just like anyone else. And men just shoot bullets in the dark erecting (and that 8767 s another word for building. Congratulations you 8767 ve learned a new word) difficult barriers for us nice guys. God, as a man, reading the basic, common sense rules about online dating, I am absolutely flabbergasted at how simple it is even a 5 year old would get it. My problem is I don 8767 t know how to follow up once I 8767 ve reached a successful starting point (and many of these starting points were initiated by the woman). I 8767 m not ashamed to admit that. I 8767 m going to strengthen my shortcomings like the article says. Does anyone have any SOUND advise to give so I can reach that goal? Specialized counselors etc.,
Thanks Karmic, that gives me a better understanding of why men I 8767 ve dated (and my friends have dated) have never really liked it when we take on any 8775 pursuer 8776 type of role. My dating life became a lot more effective when I really learned to lean back (at least at the beginning) and respond to the man 8767 s lead, rather than trying to lead myself. I 8767 ve learned to try to let go of control. That birthday dinner was the only time I ever did a check-grab with my boyfriend, because I thought it seemed tacky to have anyone pay for their own birthday. However, even there we eventually compromised by me paying for the meal, him dessert!
The results uncovered a shameful excess of dishonesty from people purportedly looking to find their one true match. Fifty-three percent of American people surveyed said they lied in their online dating profiles. How in the world are you supposed to discover your TRUE match when what is being put out there isn't true?
It's as if some online daters are not hoping to have a romantic evening but rather are preparing to do battle by jousting with their noses.
7. The numbers are on your side. It's not two girls for every boy, like the Beach Boys sang, but demographics trend that way. First, the bad news: Men die than women. The good news: As the decades pass, women increasingly outnumber men, which subtly works in your favor. For every 6,555 births, by age 55, women outnumber men 959 to 975, according to a 7559 . statistical report. At 65, it's 876 to 796. So the odds are in men's favor — and women know it. That's one reason why Betty and Veronica no longer sit by the phone waiting for Archie to call. If a woman is interested in you , she'll probably initiate contact.
One other thing I 8767 ve also realized is that its not really worth writing to interesting people you don 8767 t have things in common with, even if you like what they 8767 ve written and they seem intelligent. I 8767 d like to think there 8767 s a chance we could *both* take an interest in each other 8767 s passions, but if you don 8767 t have that solid basis of shared tastes to discuss in detail, it just doesn 8767 t go anywhere (or at least, not in my experience). I should have saved myself time and effort through being yet more discerning in who I tried to contact.
You just described every experience Males have going out in the 8775 real world 8776 . Going somewhere where men outnumber women 8 to 6. Trying to talk to women who have the pick of the litter so they shun interest in you. Watching as women talk with themselves mostly, or if with men, the Alpha man in the room 6-8, good looking, douche bag. When you do talk to a woman, they say they have a boyfriend yeah right. And then go home smelling like a bar with your tail between your legs.
Wow. You are So lucky! I try to screen the men I meet from online very carefully and yet my experience is nearly opposite to yours. I 8767 ve been on about 9 dates in the last 9 months and 8 out of those had grossly misrepresented themselves. Two tried to jump me on the second date, two turned out to be felons. Of the remaining two, both were attractive and intelligent. One evidenced strange drunken angry behavior after texting for a couple of weeks (we lived far apart so couldn 8767 t meet up often) and the other turned out to be a 55 year old living with his mom (and not in a 8775 taking care of HER 8776 kind of way). he was looking for a sugar momma. It 8767 s enough to make me want to give up
8775 write a better profile 8776
Ladies really take that to heart. While I did hear the advice to 8766 man up and stop sucking 8767 please throw me a bone. If I read one more profile that is more or less 8767 empty 8767 except for cliche and photos and an admonishment that I have to do better than, hi, hello, you 8767 re hot or lame PUA schtick, I 8767 m going to have to struggle mightily to not kick a puppy. Give us something to work with.
And note how few unsolicited approaches men receive and send out a few of your own.
Feminism hasn 8767 t been about equality for years mate. It became about avenging the wrongs done to women. It has since become an exercise in ensuring women get whatever they want. It 8767 s so rare to see a feminist writing about true equality (ie also giving a damn about the male perspective) that I 8767 m shocked every time I read it. Equality is all well and good when it benefits women, but suddenly the cries for equality stop when it comes to women asking men out, proposing marriage or paying for dates. Those things aren 8767 t inequality, they 8767 re 8775 tradition 8776 .