Posted: 2017-10-12 13:04
I honestly think a lot of the problem has to do the massive amount of attention the women receive. They might claim everyone on there is "creepy," but I think the problem lies more with the fact that they receive so much constant attention, that those of us who are decent just simply get lost in the shuffle. The girls I work with use online dating basically describe it like looking through a catalog. They constantly get bombarded with messages, they quickly glance at the profile, make a quick (often shallow) judgment, and then move on to the next one. Some have been on the site for several years now and I feel that the more attention they receive, the more unrealistic their standards become. It reaches a point where I'm not sure that ANY guy is good enough for what these women are looking for.
The first thing to pay attention to: your photos. According to online dating experts, 8 photos are a must for each person s profile. The first one should be your portrait picture so that other users can clearly see your face even on small screens of their devices. The second one should be a full body picture so that people can see your figure, and the third one should feature you engaged in something you love. People want to see your eyes, so don t upload photos where you are wearing sunglasses.
Thank you so much Mirror for your thoughts about the 78 year old guy. You always give me this feeling like the calm eye in a storm.
I was feeling all over the place - lots of emotions. Thankfully not of the I miss him so much and need to reach out kind, but of the WTF this guy seems so nice and awesome, but why do I feel pressured and stressed out like I m being cornered?
I see it for what it is - and he is likely pushing too fast and acting improperly due to his age and wanting to hook up (perhaps it works on girls who are spontaneous).
I ve decided to lay back and see if he ll re-read what he wrote and hopefully come to the conclusion that he scared me away. But no expectations, guys like him will probably take him many more years to learn if it ever happens, LOL.
Yeah, online dating sucks. I'm a good looking guy (not trying to sound conceited - but it's a salient point in this context), and I have NO success on the sites. I often get hit on when I go out with my friends, to the point that it's actually a running joke. Yet no girls - I mean none - respond to my messages on dating sites. And my messages are absolutely fine. Never creepy. I'll often ask how their weekend was, or ask about something specific on their profile, etc. Totally normal stuff - yet - responses. It's madness. I agree with the guy in the article - if I didn't have the success I have with women in real life, I'd probably have developed a complex by now. My advice to men is to not even try online dating until you've been on the dating scene for several years and you have an idea of your actual worth. Otherwise, if you have no idea and you base it off of online dating, you're 655% guaranteed to think you're ugly, undesirable, don't know how to talk to women, etc.
Also, you should remember some possible pitfalls of online dating. Be on guard because there are a number of fake profiles placed on some online dating sites. Scammers pretend to be real women and do everything to extract money from you.
Finding a match on an online dating site takes a lot of work, especially since most sites today are overrun by scammers. That said, for most people who are no longer in school, they are probably still the best 'focused and pro-active' option. Yes, you are likely to be disappointed, to be hurt along the way, but then I suspect that even though you were married before you left school, you still had your heart broken once or twice before you met your wife. And yes, it is possible to meet people in church, at meet-ups and other special interest activities. However, a good many people you will meet in any of those places have no interest in finding a new partner.
Ha, that 8767 s the EXACT kind of guy I spent most of my 75 8767 s desperately searching for online even the age range, I always wanted an older husband. All I ever found were guys my age who just wanted sex, and guys who claimed they wanted families but either didn 8767 t take me seriously because of how much I was, or were just saying that to get sex and didn 8767 t consider me hot enough to be the trophy girlfriend. (I 8767 m not fat or hideous, just somewhat plain.) I 8767 m now just about past childbearing age and have a house full of cats and reptiles with a guy 5 years than me who doesn 8767 t want kids (and we 8767 re too poor anyway so it 8767 s moot).
I think this goes for situations where you 8767 ve gone a date or two and feel that you don 8767 t click If you 8767 ve only met for coffee once or twice, it 8767 s not worth it to send a rejection letter. Again, it feels like a personal critique from a stranger, and for most adults, it 8767 s not worth the emotional rollarcoster! You 8767 re better off just pretending that everyone got really busy at work all of a sudden. where you 8767 ve gone a date or two and feel that you don 8767 t click If you 8767 ve only met for coffee once or twice, it 8767 s not worth it to send a rejection letter. Again, it feels like a personal critique from a stranger, and for most adults, it 8767 s not worth the emotional rollarcoster! You 8767 re better off just pretending that everyone got really busy at work all of a sudden.
If you start a conversation, be ready to keep it up. During your first chats choose more general topics and avoid personal subjects such as discussion of former lovers and partners. Talk about the things you both enjoy doing. By doing this, you ll get to know each other better in an unobtrusive way. Make sure that your messages contain a question this will help you avoid moments of awkward silence. Be attentive to your interlocutor s replies. If you talk about your pets, remember her cat s name and ask about how he is doing later on. A woman will appreciate your attentiveness.
You're absolutely right - women could literally solve the problems with online dating in one fell swoop - all they'd have to do is initiate contact with guys they are interested in. Since there's a 5% chance a girl is going to respond to a first message from a guy, no matter how great it is, or how good looking he is, the only way for it to work is for the girl to make first contact. Guys can't keep wasting all our time sending hundreds of messages and getting 5 responses - it just isn't worth it. Women, on the other hand, need only message the guy they are interested in, and the response rate will range from 85 to 655%, depending on the girl's attractiveness. Contrast this with the 5% response rate that women give to men. It's clearly the only way for this issue to be resolved. Because right now, online dating doesn't work.
I read an article somewhere (I wish I could find it to provide a link) that said something to the effect of women tend to be more selective in online dating. As a result, men tend to message lots of women in the hopes that they 8767 ll get a response or two back. So I wouldn 8767 t feel concerned about responding to everyone, most men probably aren 8767 t going to think it 8767 s rude if you don 8767 t. That being said, if someone writes a particularly thoughtful message you may want to respond to thank them for reaching out.
The study explained this had an evolutionary advantage. Because for all the hundreds of women out of your league who say no, you might get one yes. And then you have access to really attractive genetic material. But the faulty cognition is passed down to your offspring who also keep chasing women they haven't a hope with, and getting annoyed when they receive the obvious refusal, and so the cycle continues.
Dating sites don't work!
One year on Okcupid and no messages or dates.
I am a retired 96 year old caucasian man. Being on a dating site for that long has made me feel very ugly and unwanted. I have read over five hundred profiles and I am very turned off by women now. I don't find women attractive anymore because of internet dating sites. I will more than likely be single the rest of my life now, Thank you internet dating. I give up!
Asking women to give you a chance and message you back after looking at your message and profile is like women asking you to message and reach out whenyou have zero attraction, nothing in common and zero interest in taking to. It goes both ways. Just because you're intrested and they aren't doesn't mean they want bad boys and smooth talkers. Men you don't reach out to women you're not attracted to, don't except women to make the exceptions lol. Dumb.
You can look at the many books like Nancy Friday's The Secret Garden - which they didn't want to publish back in the 75's because some men (and some women who have internalised misogyny) could not bear to know that women are just as lascivious as men in their desires and fantasies. Not to mention the desperate attempts throughout history to control the extremely strong sex drives of women with so many ridiculous social sanctions and attacks. If women were so naturally low in sex drive, why all the fuss and carry on, the shaming words, the imposed social sanctions, the mental and physical chastity belts to try and keep those libidos under wraps?
No. Here 8767 s the thing about online dating: it forces you to be methodical about rejecting people who, if you were meeting people in a bar or a meetup group or work or whatever, you would reject automatically. Or not even reject you 8767 d just sort of self-sort into different little cubbies. You 8767 re 8775 personally 8776 rejecting every guy/girl you don 8767 t approach at a bar, or don 8767 t continue a conversation with, or behave civilly but disinterestedly towards until they get the hint and gracefully exit, or whatever. But none of those cues actually exist online, and so you have to actually write it out. Or, if you 8767 re kind of a dick, you just sort of ghost them and stop replying.
Interesting read. I was debating putting up a profile or perhaps going to a club with some live entertainment. I am going to bed instead lol. It is very true that 65 to 65 years ago online dating worked well. I am an average looking guy but intelligent and funny and I was floored how many interesting, and yes pretty ok I would like someone that I consider to be pretty, not necessarily the text book version either. Anyway, teachers, lawyers, security guards, nurses, there I was dating, where previously I would stand in a bar and not say anything because my voice is very low and you couldn't hear me over the music anyway.
Yes I am older now and I have my daughter half time, but I am still an average looking very intelligent and funny man. I am not bitter, disappointed maybe. I am affected by the lack of responses though, not like jump off a bridge affected, but it does drop you down a notch psychologically. I am glad I read these posts. It sounds like many of us are in the same boat. God bless all of you even the bitter ones we all know that hurt people want to hurt other people.
Women (statistically speaking -- not meaning to generalize too much here), are very emotional and social. By emotional, I don't mean crying all the time, I mean they read very much into every little statement and facial movement you make in order to draw as much meaning as possible out of what you're expressing. There are two disadvantages guys have in the scenario where you're only offered writing as a vehicle to impress a woman.
And, as someone who has been at the recieving end of some of the worst-case-scenario consequences of 8775 parent wants to date Person E, but Person E doesn 8767 t like kids 8776 , I am glad you 8767 re more upfront than two of the partners (one past, one current) of one of my parents. Not that I am assuming that you would actually commit verbal or physical child abuse if you did somehow get a partner who had a kid, just that I know what can happen when someone isn 8767 t upfront about not wanting to raise a child, in a worst case scenario.
Now I'd ask that you reconsider your question. If your question was based upon a society of equals who were all knowledgeable, reasonable, autonomous and yet cooperative we could easily reason that people would treat each other with kindness and respect. However we've created a system of inequality in which the common citizen holds little if any power and instead lives by the whims of society at large. This system promotes competition as it is undeniably preferable to gain power and move up the social ladder.